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Fat shaming

I am 45 years old and fat, there is no denying it. I’m about 220 pounds for 5’4 (I say “about” because I never weigh myself, I don’t even own a scale). I was very fit until my late twenties (after my pregnancies). I’d say I gained weight gradually, maybe 5 pounds a year.

I’ve been seeing a specialist for an illness I had my whole life and totally unrelated to my weight.
He is harassing me about my weight, my BMI, etc. EVERY. SINGLE. VISIT.

Thing is, I am otherwise very healthy, my blood tests are always within normal range, I even have lower blood pressure than the norm (always had).

I am ok with my body. I do not care about the fact that I am overweight, and no, I do not want to lose any.

I love food.

STORY CONTINUES BELOW

I don’t give a damn about exercise.

I never dieted a day in my life.

I am happy. I have a happy marriage (15 years), great kids, fantastic job. I have hobbies and friends.

I am seriously considering getting a new specialist.

Just needed to vent. thanks

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117 Responses

  1. Fat, gross and lazy. Did you come here for people to validate your poor choices? Pretty sad tbh

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  2. overweight is never healthy. you’re setting yourself up for failure. do you honestly feel that you know more than your doctor?

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  3. Good for you hun 🙂 Ignore the jackasses Like Ben and Cameron. They have nothing better to do that shit on your happiness. We should not feel like we are constantly not living up to others expectations. I think more than likely, they are unhappy with themselves and are looking to bully someone else to make themselves feel better. Like any other TROLL just IGNORE THEM!!!

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    • Tom Wasuita Tom Wasuita says:

      So genuine medical advice meant to give someone a better quality of life to you can be chalked up to “bullying” or “trolling”?

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    • Tom if she wanted medical advice she would go ask a qualified Dr. No one answering this post is that you included. It’s like taking advice about the cause of Autism from Jenny McCarthy. Really?

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    • She has a specialist doctor telling her that she should try to lose weight and you’re going to compare that to that psycho looking for an excuse for why her kids got autism?

      Doctors go through years of medical training, I think they know more than random people on the internet.

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    • Carole Desranleau She quite literally is asking a qualified doctor and isn’t satisfied with their qualified advice.

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  4. Just tell him it’s not up for discussion.

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  5. Please do not take this the wrong way, I am not fat shaming or judging you as I too am overweight. The thing is…your weight isn’t hurting you so far. The fact of the matter is that it will catch up with you. There are serious health concerns when someone is overweight and all your tests may come back healthy as an overweight person, until they don’t. I am suddenly at 44 a diabetic. All those years I’ve been told to lose weight or certain conditions may happen, well, now one has happened. And yes, you can say that a person with a healthy weight can all of a sudden wake up with an illness one day. Yes, that’s true, but being overweight and obese is something that we can change. It’s probably a good idea to get it under control so that those illnesses (mostly) related to obesity don’t happen.

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  6. Unfortunately there’s more happening behind the scenes that we don’t understand because we can’t “see” it. While I say love the body you’re in and traditional standards of beauty should not define you…your heart’s health should. Carrying around extra weight…particularly as we age can be detrimental to our health and ends up affecting that beautiful family you have. I recently taught a nine year old whose mother had a heart attack and died. Her doctor had told her for many years she needed to work on making healthier choices. Her child will never recover from this loss. I am not advocating for model thin…but a healthy BMI is key to ensuring you’re around to enjoy your family and your grandkids some day.❤️❤️❤️. Btw…this is from someone who also loves food and is enrolled in a program to live a healthy lifestyle.

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    • Brian Booth Brian Booth says:

      I 100% agree with you but BMI can be unrealistic in certain situations. Getting your body fat % to a reasonable number for your age and weight is a better idea than to strive for your BMI number

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  7. Ashley Cragg Ashley Cragg says:

    It’s a doctors job to make sure you are healthy. If you were healthy and weight wasn’t effecting your health he probably wouldn’t keep bringing it up. Not eating healthy and not exercising is not healthy. Good for you that you are happy. You totally should be and happiness shouldn’t be dependent on appearance. And skinny isn’t always healthy either. But maybe take the doctors advice and try and adopt a healthier lifestyle?

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    • …as long as the doctor isn’t pushing prescriptions as the ‘solution’. A return to a diet as close to what our ancestors would have eaten, would be the best choice, though it isn’t perfectly attainable anymore.

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    • Exactly. I’m skinny, but my doctor still bugs me about healthy choices. Back before I worked out she’d remind me that staying active was important every time I went in for a physical. Then I started working out but working shift work and not sleeping well, so she reminds me every time I go in for a physical to ensure I’m getting enough sleep. She’s talking to me about factors in my control, like activity and rest. Weight is also a factor in an individual’s control so the doctor reminds patients of that too.

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    • Jared Kenwell Doctor: “You’re having heart issues”
      Patient: “What should I do?”
      Doctor: “You can exercise more”
      Patient: “Im too lazy”
      Doctor: “You can cut back on calories”
      Patient: “That’s too hard”
      Doctor: “You can try to eat more fresh veggies”
      Patient: “I don’t like veggies”
      Doctor: “Well there’s a medication you can try”
      Patient: “Ugh doctor’s are always trying to push pills instead of give me alternative ways to treat my condition!”

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    • Larissa Battlecat Some doctors are good like that and try to get you to eat right and exercise but there’s still a lot that push pills too. They make a lot of money off prescriptions. My grandma is a good example. She believed 100% in what her dr told her she needed. Turns out she was on two different blood thinners that she did not need to be on. Not all doctors have your best interest.

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    • Jeana Careless Now I may be wrong here, but due to the fact we operate in a universal health care system I don’t believe doctors make extra money off prescriptions the way they make bonuses from pharma companies in the USA.

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    • Jeana Careless I think in this case she should trust her doctor. Pushing diet and exercise rather than pills is the sign of a good doctor.

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  8. You are complaining because you have a doctor who cares? Maybe don’t lose weight for yourself.. maybe do it for your kids – to set a healthy example for them. You can do it!

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  9. LuckyMe Chan LuckyMe Chan says:

    IF you are okay with what your weight is, thats okay, as long as thats what you think is healthy 🙂 If you disagree with medical advice too its fine, too but don’t ignore what they have to say either because that can impact ur life choices, and if ur okay with ur life choices thats okay 🙂

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  10. I was really mad at my DR for constantly bringing up my weight. I’m 185 at 5’6. I know that he’s thinking of my knees, hips and heart
    All of my tests results are great, levels are all great. But they won’t stay great. And I have arthritis in my knee already. It’s not an easy thing to hear, but my DR is right.
    Maybe yours might be thinking of the same things?

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    • Cody Ryan Cody Ryan says:

      Exactly. You always hear people thinking they can prove the Dr. wrong. The 45 year old obese person turns into a 65 year old who can barely function and dies early. It’s very hard… I struggle too but I want to continue to get and keep things in check while I’m young so that won’t be me in the future.

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    • You really don’t want to be that person that needs to drive around in a low-speed electric vehicle to get around indoors and outdoors. What goes into your body is key.

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    • I’m overweight Ken, I exercise and eat right. I don’t think obese people are going to all end up on a scooter

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    • I’ve never had a doctor say anything about my weight as I’m a letter carrier.. but I was the same size and weight.. I hate to say it, but I enjoy life a lot more without the extra 50lbs on my legs climbing up stairs anymore, and because of the weight loss, I can still carry my kidlet when he wants me to.

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    • Denise Lang-Wells due to the proliferation of refined sugars in almost everything we eat, obesity has become an epidemic. I wouldn’t be surprised if most obese people end up on scooters or with ‘handicap’ decals, if they actually live long enough, both because the skeletal structure is not built to handle that much weight for decades on end, and because refined sugar is really destructive to our health. I don’t know what your experience and understanding of “eating right” is. Most people commenting about it seem to think they are eating right, even though there obviously is something not quite right. This isn’t about “fat-shaming” but about trying to help people to come to as good a conclusion for their life as possible. It is hard to actually eat right, considering people have less and less disposable income, and most don’t even have a space to garden and grow their own food.

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  11. Ask your husband if he is worried that you will have a heart attack or stroke and leave him to raise your kids without you. Or worse yet , raise your kids with you in a nursing home also requiring care. I love my guy – but I want him alive.

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  12. You say your illness has nothing to do with your weight but maybe it does. We are not supposed to be overweight. No matter how happy you are with it. No matter how healthy you are now….. our bodies were not built that way. That is why your specialist is telling you to lose the weight. You’d be surprised how good you’ll feel when you lose it…… who knows your illness may go away too….. I dunno….. just think you should consider what the specialist is telling you. Exercise is great for the mind body and soul!

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  13. Your heart is probably working twice as hard..keep that in mind. The body always compensates to make up where we lack.

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  14. Sounds like you have shut your hearing off because your doctor is not telling you what you want to hear..

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  15. You need to vent that your Dr is concerned about your weight? But everything else is beyond awesome in your life? You have an incredible life then. Why even bother? Thank your lucky stars that your biggest gripe in life is your doctor doing his job. This isn’t about fat shaming you, it’s about health. And I hope none of your children have to watch you slowly deteriorate when you are older, from the myriad of seriously crappy side effects diabetes can bring. Because diabetes slowly wreaks havoc throughout your body. And the damage is done by the time you start to actually feel it. I watched my dad, over decades, deal with heart problems, kidney failure, neuropathy, TIA’ s, temporary blindness, gout etc, etc… It’s not a pleasant way to live in the end. And you are a terrible role model. But to each their own.

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  16. Jeff Gagnon Jeff Gagnon says:

    Same as smoking, you may be healthy while you smoke, sooner or later it’ll catch up with you, you don’t have to take his advice but don’t act like it doesn’t make a difference

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  17. If your good with being fat, then be fat and screw what anyone else says.

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  18. Ryan Mclean Ryan Mclean says:

    That’s horrible advice

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  19. Alexis Musik Alexis Musik says:

    Ryan Mclean why? It’s the truth lol

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  20. Why should you see a doctor you’re uncomfortable with? There are other doctors out there.

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  21. You may be happy now, however you can still improve your health primarily by eliminating refined sugars and simple starches (e.g. flour-based products), as well as artificial sweeteners from your diet. The former because they cause a lot of damage in the body, and the latter because they cause a lot of damage in the body. 😉

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    • Jeana Careless I’d keep artificial supplementation to a minimum (I myself take some Magnesium and Vitamin B12 at the moment), though I understand some nutrients are hard to get naturally these days. It’s best to try and get them through a balanced diet – there’s that word again. Lifestyle change is a good way to call it. What we ingest is imo the most important part of it.

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    • Jeana Careless I’d keep artificial supplementation to a minimum (I myself take some Magnesium and Vitamin B12 at the moment), though I understand some nutrients are hard to get naturally these days. It’s best to try and get them through a balanced diet – there’s that word again. Lifestyle change is a good way to call it. What we ingest is imo the most important part of it.

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  22. Lyn Hessels Lyn Hessels says:

    I’m guessing your Doctor knows and cares more about your health than your appearance. Excess weight does more damage as you age, so I doubt this is nothing about your appearance from your doctor’s perspective. You do have a choice in managing your own health, they are just there to guide you towards a healthy and longer life. If you choose to ignore their advice because you’re feel you’re OK….just don’t follow their advice.

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  23. Sharon Swan Sharon Swan says:

    you may be ok now being over weight but you must consider for when you get older we all seem to have some sort of medical condition that comes out of our closets .. and then when you have to get your weight down 50 pounds lets say .. it is very hard .. had a friend that was over weight ended up needing a hip transplant and was told she had to loose a 100 pounds before the operation and again it was very hard for her as she was 60+ years old … even thought she was happy with her weight … so its better to be a little proactive now when you can instead of when you HAVE to … fyi ..

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  24. Tell him how you feel.

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  25. Even if you find another doctor, they will also ask for your weight and BMI. There’s a reason for it. You might think you “feel” just fine at the weight that you are, but that’s probably because you have gone so many years living that way that huffing and puffing after a flight of stairs feels normal to you. Feeling sluggish feels normal to you. Aesthetics aside, all of that extra weight puts extra stress on all of your organs, not to mention your joints! If you don’t care about your weight, then it shouldn’t bother you to give your weight to your doctor.

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  26. I agree with Ryan Mclean.

    The truth is, she doesn’t like her doctor bringing up her weight. Any good doctor will be concerned about their patients physical, mental and emotional health. Get a new doctor because you don’t like him bringing up you excessive weight?? How about care about your own health and listening to your doctor. Being over weight is dangerous for your health. Maybe her children and husband don’t want to watch their mother suffer from weight related health issues, including death. But hey the easy way out is to bitch and complain about your doctor anonymously, ignore their advice and go find some second rate doctor who will tell you what you want to hear.

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  27. Randa R Muir Randa R Muir says:

    Wow. Find a new Dr cause he’s doing his job? You may be ok now, but what about the future? Just cause the truth hurts… I recently lost over 100 lbs. I’m 42 and regret not dealing with it sooner. Suck it up and get healthier. Wish more Drs gave a shit about health rather then stuff ppl with pills.

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  28. She knows she’s overweight and she’s heard enough about it from the doctor. Apparently all his complaining isn’t having any affect is it? She’s a grown woman with a mind of her own and does not want to be nagged at.

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  29. Ryan Mclean Ryan Mclean says:

    First off it’s a specialist not a doctor. Obviously she’s not okay with being fat or she wouldn’t care what the doctor thinks. Plus it’s a drain on health care. We should pay for her to see a specialist that she’s gonna switch cause she’s fat and pretends she’s okay with it. Oh it’s okay just find a new doctor that’s okay with you being fat. Maybe if he doesn’t mention it, you won’t get heart disease.

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  30. I’d say get another Doctors opinion on your weight. If they say the same thing, maybe it’s time to listen so that you can spend as many years with your awesome husband and amazing kidlets as possible…

    But, in the end, it’s your happiness and your choice.

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  31. No one wants to be harassed. Even by the two of you.

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  32. Ryan Mclean Ryan Mclean says:

    And 220 lbs 5’4″ is really fat. Not just kinda fat.

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  33. Thank you ever so Mr kindness.

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  34. Ryan Mclean Ryan Mclean says:

    I’m not being rude Lol. Its the truth. Telling someone to switch specialists, cause they don’t like, that the doctor is concerned about how fat they are, is horrible advice. Calling you out on your bad advice isn’t harassing or “mean”.

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  35. Betty Gordon Betty Gordon says:

    He is probably only saying that for your health. You may be healthy now, and I am speaking from experinece as I am 236 at 5’4″ and I wish I had listened to my doctor when I was in my 40 to lose the weight he kept nagging me about. I sought out other doctors who hint to me about the same. I am not 63 and I am having a heck of time with my health, breathing, and getting around. And believe you me, trying to lose weight at this age is a heck of alot harder than it would have been in my 40s as your body changes alot, hormones are out of wack and not to mention no energy. Just a suggestion if you dont like excericise maybe simple walking with your family after dinner or on weekends and portion control. I even sold all my big dishes and but smaller plates for portion control. It really catchs up with you as you get older. I have tonnes of regrets now. Its so hard.

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  36. I’m talking about you saying she is really fat is ignorant.
    It’s my opinion about changing specialists. I don’t Care what you think of my opinion .
    Shall we leave it at that then?

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  37. Ryan Mclean Ryan Mclean says:

    Also I’m 6ft and 235 and I’m fat so a woman who is 8 inches shorter than me should be very concerned. Sounds like she’s almost half fat.

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  38. Ryan Mclean Ryan Mclean says:

    Yeah you always say stupid shit. I shouldn’t have expected an open mind.

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  39. I think its amazing that you are happy with yourself, and I also think its amazing that your doc cares about you enough to push you to be your best self. If you switch practitioners to someone who doesn’t bring up their concerns and tell you how it is, then I’d be worried the doctor didn’t care much. So I say stay with the doc you’re with, as all the good ones will always advocate their patients to live healthy lifestyles. whether you decide to take their advice is up to you.

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  40. Being honest isn’t being harassing. Unless the person is overly sensitive and can’t handle the truth. Being fat is not healthy and no doctor would ever condone obesity.

    Would she listen to the doctor if it were about her child?? Or would she cry about the injustice?? As a mother, I’m hoping she is a good mother. She would listen to the doctor and put her child’s health first. She should care about her health the way she cares about her child’s health.

    Here’s a question. Would you be telling her to get a new doctor if this was a post about her over weight child?? Probably not because then she would be a bad mother.

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  41. Ryan Mclean Ryan Mclean says:

    Its my opinion that you give horrible advise so we’ll leave it at that.

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  42. Ryan Mclean Ryan Mclean says:

    Its a specialist not a normal doctor…. Please let’s drain healthcare cause you don’t like your doctor telling you that you’re fat. 220lbs at 5’4″ is pretty fat.

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  43. I really hope you realize what most people are saying here is true and that you come to this realization before you get sick. 5 years ago I was 265 lbs and all of 5″0. I loved to eat and drink and just be glutinous. It got to the point that really it hurt to move. Then I was diagnosed with some illnesses and the pain got to be so bad I had to do something. You have to change! For your family and or yourself. But diets will never work, most just revert back to that old lifestyle. You need to change your way of looking at food. Don’t change doctors because he is doing his job and telling you what you NEED to hear! I am now 167 lbs and it took 5 yrs just to lose that but you can do it! Do everything you can to ensure your children have you for a very long time! He sounds like a very good specialist to me.

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  44. You may not care and that’s fine but if you drain our health resources because you refuse to be or get healthier or ignore something that will get worse, I care. Because my taxes pay for it.

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  45. Being overweight is hard on our body, it will catch up to you.

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  46. Well if you are aware of the risks and you don’t care then tell him to back off

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  47. You never know: depending on what your illness is, it could have something to do with your weight.

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  48. Judy Johnson Judy Johnson says:

    If this health condition might involve surgery in the future, it is way harder to do it on a person who is as overweight as you are

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  49. I would say all that you said on this page and if that doesn’t shut him up we’ll then get another specialist. On the other hand maybe he thinks he’s trying to help. A tough one to be sure.

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  50. He’s doing his job. But there are others. I’m curious what you mean by harassing?!?
    Is it that you don’t like being told what to do or about the truth!???

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  51. That’s one of the many reasons I rarely and I mean RARELY go to doctors. They like to blame everything on your weight and you smoke. Well I’m in my 60’s, smoked since 16 and been obese most of my adult life. I don’t care what anybody thinks or says. I will live my life the way I want and since I don’t wish to become a doddering old senior stuck in a nursing home crapping my pants and drooling anyway, I am ready to go whenever it is my time to go. If smoking and being obese speeds that up, so be it. No one needs to comment with their condescending comments either. Heard it all before, don’t need any of your opinions about it. Oh and btw, I am rarely ever sick. Have had 1 sick day from work in 10 years. Can you “healthy” people say that?

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    • Genuinely asking: why is this the stance you have chosen to take? Are cigarettes really that great? Or do you just enjoy taking such a standoffish position in order to utterly exonerate yourself of responsibility?

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    • yeah I enjoy them. or at least I did until they took away menthols. I’ve been importing them from Saskatchewan since Alberta got rid of them, but on my last 5 cartons as they will be gone from Canada at the end of the year. So then I will consider quitting but only for that reason. Like I said, I am afraid of being old and will not have the money to retire in comfort, so why would I want to live and be poor eating dog food in a cardboard box. I would just rather be dead before that happens

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  52. Its a doctors job to inform you. Hes simply doing his job. Theres several conditions that might affect you later on in life associated with what you described. Your doctor is trying to make you aware of the risks, and some of them can be very serious.

    The choice, ultimately is yours. Your doctor is trying to make sure its an informed one.

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  53. I am in the process of getting my former doctor to lose his licence for the shenanigans he was pulling… as well as effectively holding my health hostage for 4 and a half years…

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  54. Karen Mack Karen Mack says:

    get the new specialist or even a friend who let’s you be you. Be YOU!

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  55. What do you mean by “loving food” and “I don’t give a damn about exercise?”

    Loving food does not absolve you of the effects of food. I can love cheeseburgers all I want, doesn’t mean my health won’t decline should I indulge too frequently.

    And you don’t need to give any amount of damns about exercise; you still need to do it, damns or not.

    Your specialist, who is just that — a specialist — has every right to lecture you on your weight, especially if they think it’s a determent to your health. That’s their job. At your height, your current weight is not healthy. Excuses and acceptance won’t change that. Consider the value of proper nutrition, as that should be your focus.

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  56. It can be frustrating. My dr never mentions my weight, I know I am over weight, I have been working at it for a long time to lose (I go to dr for that because it turns out I have health issues preventing the weight loss). Unlike you I want to lose the weight but can’t. So far I am still healthy over all, I am active and participate in a challenging activity etc. But looking at the long term picture, being at a healthy weight (as opposed to bmi because your bmi can list you as obese if you are muscular) is more than just the effect is has on your life now, it has to do with long term effects on the body and over all health.

    You may not care for what your dr is saying but it is not said to simply nag you. It is your dr doing their job.

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  57. Debbie Ryder Debbie Ryder says:

    If you are so happy why are you trying to justify it to the world

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  58. I read this post earlier in the day and as a health care professional, I spent much of my day thinking of this. I see this daily at work and I too encourage people to start loosing the weight. Many of the comments posted here reflect much of my thoughts that I had so I won’t repeat. However I will add – at what point do you feel you will be overweight? In 20years you will be at least 320 lbs and in 40 years 420 lbs. at some point, you need to turn it around because you are not the one invincible person on the planet. You might as well start turning it around now as it only gets harder the more you gain. Ya diets are no fun and neither is exercise. But neither is laying in the hospital post surgery be it heart, lungs, or joints. Listen to your doctor. He clearly cares and finding someone that doesn’t isn’t an option.

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  59. Carolle Roy Carolle Roy says:

    Overweight is gonna come bite you back when you get older. I am overweight in my 50 and have to lose weight for medical purposes.

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  60. I don’t weigh myself either and I don’t allow my weight to define me. I ran my 92nd race last weekend and look forward to doing my 4th half marathon next year. Whose fault is it that I weigh more than I should? Mine! I can admit it at least.

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  61. There will be consequences paid for a sedentary lifestyle. And sooner than you think.
    And a health care system paying for it.
    I’m not a hater. Or a troll. It’s hard to be healthy. I’m 52 and I run regularly and have for years. But it’s still hard to get out there. But my life is soooo much better for it. I am not on any medication. I can partake in any activity at home or on holiday. And I think it’s important to try and look your best for your spouse. It would devastate me if my wife suddenly decided she didn’t want to be with someone who didn’t try…
    And my mental health is better as well.

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  62. First of, stop calling yourself fat. If you love yourself and are comfortable in your body, then don’t call yourself fat.

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