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I believe in people choosing who they want to be and choosing who they want to love. I think it’s beautiful and important and powerful.

I am confused and hoping for some sort of education on Trans culture. I find there’s a lot of language around “gender doesn’t matter” or “don’t gender people”. But if gender didn’t matter, people wouldn’t transition to another gender. So my question is, what is the trans approach to gender identity? multiple approaches? how can gender “not matter” when it clearly matters so much?

I recently have been told as a woman that I need to speak about my own biology in an inclusive way (which I don’t understand because biology and gender identity are not the same thing, but one can lead to the other). But I’m struggling to understand the difference between the demand on biological acceptance and gender identity. Because as far as I’m aware, they aren’t the same thing. Gender, sexuality and the parts you are born with have many variations and permutations.

The only reason that I even care to ask is that I am hearing comments around using inclusive language (but have yet to be given examples) and criticism on how things and ways I choose to express my own gender identity are “wrong”. When I thought it was cool to just “be you” (like I literally have so much love and respect for people who transition. The beauty of their choice and their strength). But now I’m confused because how can you transition from male to female, have long hair, wear make up and heels, dresses, conform to North American standards of breast size with implants or reductions and then criticize cis people for doing the same or gendering their kids beyond a neutral gender? I’m really confused. Gender clearly does matter, otherwise people would transition to a “neuter” gender, not male or female.

I’m looking for genuine clarification and discussion from a place of learning and love, but do not feel safe posting these questions on my profile. I’m not looking for gross “only men and women” exist comments. I’m just confused and feel like there is a lot of misinformation and confusing/contradictory dialogue.

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