Alone feeling lost and losing hope

So 2017 has been my worst year ever. I believe I suffer depression maybe bi polar. I don’t know.

Have been struggling financially losing home after home. And once I found a new one family came to stay and brought trouble with drugs and drinking. Got my kids and I evicted. I had no clue what was going on as I was at the hospital with my baby for almost a month.

I have a big family that won’t help all they do is judge me and gossip try to cause trouble by getting my kids taken away. Which won’t happen because everything they say are lies. My brothers or sisters won’t talk to me and I don’t want to talk to them because I know I can’t trust them. My mother is the worst she won’t even allow me or my kids at her place if we had no where to go.

When we were doing good owned a house had good paying jobs. I was the one who got my sisters and brothers out of child welfare I looked after them even though they stole off us stole our vehicle and damaged it. No matter how rough I have it I always try to stay positive but it’s hard when you have no one to talk to or understand. I always make sure my kids have what they need.

With this feeling of being alone and unwanted all I think of everyday is how to end it all. I’ve tried twice so far and the first time I did no one was there for me they were shopping I had to bus home with borrowed hospital clothes.


People say I’m messed up and maybe due to dealing with so much on my own. That’s a whole another story. I feel I have no more second chances I’m at the end. And no one even cares or tries to. My daughter told me when I die she wouldn’t care my kids father told me no one would care that no one would show for my funeral. My mother throws in my face that she has a home and I don’t. Well she is living in her mother’s condo for 500 a month.

How can people forget that they had it hard to they had problems or that I was there for them.



50 Responses

  1. I wish I could tell you something that would help, but I’m not a professional. Please get help. you cannot do this alone, and that is 100% ok.Please call 1-877-303-2642 and get yourself on the road to a better you. If you have tried, you will again, just know that you are a mother and you want what is best for them. They need their mom. Even if they say otherwise, you all need counselling, maybe more…Please get help. Like I said I wish I could tell you more but I can only say that i hope you seek help and don’t be ashamed. There are people who will give you the assistance you need.

  2. Lori Balmer Lori Balmer says:

    Get help through counciling if you have a worker ask her if there’s someone who you can talk to

  3. Walk into a church. It’s full of people who are willing to get to know you. You’ll feel so much better if you have a “community “

  4. Definitely call a helpline, here is another one by Focus on The Family, they offer free one to one phone counselling

    To reach Focus on the Family’s counseling service by phone, call 1-855-771-HELP (4357) weekdays 6:00 a.m. to 8:00 p.m. (Mountain Time)

    If you can’t see the good all around you then please be the good that’s needed in this world, because your kids need you and your example of how to overcome some of life’s greatest battles with heart and perseverance. And honestly you need you to be strong and hopeful. Don’t give up, change things up, dust yourself off, get professional care, you can do it you really really can ❤️ sending prayers for friends and support to come your way.

  5. Omg!! That is horrible! I’m so sorry! It’s them not you! I wish nothing but the best for you. Hugs

  6. Evan Marcoff Evan Marcoff says:

    That sucks a lot… Definitely call a help line, they’ll definitely have more guidance than anyone here.

    And as for your family being shitty, you definitely should distance yourself from them. Who gives a fuck what they think if it’s all bullshit anyways

  7. Awwww. So sad. Pm me if you ever want to talk I’ve had some similar experiences. Family wise. It’s never good to feel alone especially in a world so shitty.

  8. It’s not that they forget they just move on from. But in your case I think your stuck cause it never really ended. No offence but your family is kinda assholes. I would seek help and they can help you if you’re willing to try.

  9. Reach out for help….it is out there and you are worth it…people have given you numbers to call…just do it!

  10. Holy shit. Me, you and a whole bunch of people I know and love are going through some similar things…..

    Many of us have said the same thing about this year…

    You may be alone where you are physically. But you are not alone with where you are at in this Life. Not in feeling lost. Not in feeling overwhelmed. Not in feeling like no one gives a shit.

    You have a whole community of people around you and out there in the World going through much of the same.

    We live in very screwed up times. The anti-human systems that we Live in are breaking down.

    You are not crazy. There is most likely, nothing wrong with you. You are dealing with a lot of toxic, dysfunctional people and situations.

    And you are definitely dealing with trauma.

    And there aren’t very many systems or professionals out there geared to deal with trauma. It’s awful. And shitty.

    And I won’t lie. Things are probably going to get worse before they get better, my friend.

    And me? As much as I have so many moments where I look at everything going on out there, and the amount of suffering happening in our world and I don’t want to be here anymore….

    I choose to stay.
    I choose to hurt instead of go away.

    I hope that you make the same choice.

    Our babies need us.
    Our grandbabies will too.

    I am so thankful you chose to share. I hope you find what you need and keep reaching out until you do.

  11. Small point.. if people come to your funeral.. or not.. who cares? The only thing that matters is who is there for you.. or not.. when you are living. Your family is very disfunctional (lots are) but you cannot control them.. you can only control yourself. So look after yourself and those who you care about.. and cut ties with the others.

  12. Cut ties with them all for now and take care of you. You get well and then decide who you let back in your life and who stay out. If they are negative and do not enrich/value you then save yourself.

  13. Graham Frost Graham Frost says:

    Whatever it is you need, you aren’t going to find it on fucking facebook lol. Jesus.

  14. I know this wont help much but as hard as it might be (sometimes it needs to hurt to get better). but cut off your family. Have your own family with your kids. Your family seems to do nothing but break you down when you try to help them, yet when you need help they turn their backs. Who needs people like that!.

  15. Sue Kidd Sue Kidd says:

    Remember you don’t have to have the same blood to be family! Also you have kids that need you! You don’t want them turning out like your blood relatives! Call the number get yourself straightened out! Cut all those people out of your life! Raise responsible, happy kids! Leave the rest in your review mirror and be happy! You can do it! Best of luck with your future endeavors!

  16. Liz Dubray Liz Dubray says:

    Well first of all, you have kids. Are they not worth living for? Our children are a product of the environment we expose them to. Don’t play God with your life! Secondly. Why do you care what your family thinks of you? Just because you have the same blood line as someone, it just makes you related. Not family. Family doesn’t do that to family. Start looking to the people that have been there for you. Don’t depend on people that just use you. Pull yourself together. I myself have been outcasted by my family too. I have a huge family. I have been on rock bottom. I went from homeless and drug addicted to now having a home and 2 more kids and a new family who i love and love me back. My kids are my everything. You know who got me to where I am now? ME!! Nobody else. Just ME! I got tired of people talking and judging and all that. Now they are the only ones who live with regret. Pick yourself back up. If you want to take your life so bad, make sure you find a home for your children because they don’t deserve that. They don’t need to know that they weren’t worth living for. Reach out for help. Talk to your doctor about antidepressants. See a psychologist. Start meditating. Something! But you need to get rid of the negative and toxic people in your life. Even if they ARE family. I removed myself from 4 of my sister’s lives. I disowned my father. I don’t speak with extended family. We just drifted apart. But it was the best decision I could have ever made for myself and my kids. Even family can be bad people/toxic for a person. It’s up to you how you decide to live your life. But you need to stop victimizing yourself and make a change. There is help out there. You just need to go get it and stop waiting for people to feel sorry for you. Be strong. For yourself and for your kids.

    • 1. Calm down
      2. If you insult someone they are less liely to listen or read a TLDR article if you start with an insult
      3. Not everything is about you. What are you, Oprah?

    • If you are going to write a wall of text, like you I see, do often… At least space it a bit. Everything needs a bit of salt, but you are so thirsty from all the saltiness. Get off your high horse, lady.

    • BTW NEVER did I sympathize with anyone killing themselves for any reason. Maybe you should have read my post asking her to get help ASAP.

    • Liz Dubray Liz Dubray says:

      Lmfao! MY high horse? I’m sorry. But you are the ONLY person who has an issue with my post. Not everything needs a bit of “salt”. Again I speak English. You go on with your metaphors and acronyms and shit for what? To show your lack of understanding the English language? I’m so salty yet YOU’RE the one who come on here bashing me and throwing your false accusations and shit around. Funny how you can’t respond to any point that I made to your initial reaction to my post.

    • Liz Dubray Liz Dubray says:

      Oh. I did read your heartless post! I wouldn’t be asking someone to get help. I would be TELLING them to. Wether they do or not is up to them. But like I said. I don’t sugar coat shit. I say it like it is. This person need a help. Not someone to stroke their balls into seeking professional help.

    • Liz Dubray Sorry 🙁

  17. I’m really sorry you’re going through this. It’s hard when family is unsupportive and doesn’t share your values. Just focus on you and your children. I know there are amazing resources available that others have mentioned. Just remeber this when your fortune returns and ppl knock on your door. The answer should be no. Good luck

  18. Tina Duncan Tina Duncan says:

    Cut ties from your abusive family, smack your daughter upside the head for being a disrespectful brat….who says that to their mother!?! Like fuck!

    Do what’s best for you stop helping people in your family. Trust me it’s worth it!

  19. Remember the wonderful saying “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all?”
    Some of the comments on here are absolutely appalling. Anyone with even a shred of self respect wouldn’t utter such comments. Admin, can you not delete those comments?

  20. Go to your doctor and have an honest talk with them, tell them how you feel and ask for help. Sometimes our families are toxic and we have to let them go for our own well being. Don’t compare yourself to others. Everyone’s struggle is different, find people who are positive and surround yourself with them. Focus on yourself, your children and positive stuff in your life. If you focus on the negative, things will always be negative. If you focus on the positive, it makes the negative parts of life seem more manageable. You can do it, you just need some help finding some direction and medical help too for your depression and suicidal tendencies. Believe in yourself, you have children that love and depend on you, so giving up is not an option! I wish you luck that things will turn around for you. ((HUGS))

  21. In stony plain there is westview mental health and addiction center. There great and free. There about a 2 month wait to get in but once you do you go once a week or once every two weeks. There free there where normal counsellors will charge 190. Please give them a call and leave a message and someone will get back to you and if they don’t just keep calling!! Honestly from your story I don’t think your bipolar I think your just stuck in a shitty situation and you feel trapped. But I’m no professional!! Please seek help you can get through this

  22. When your up, you got dogs snapping at your heals, when your down, they find someone else to mooch off, you sound just like me, no one cares when you got nothing to offer, here’s what I do, fawk them all, remmeber this and embed it in your head, ME AND MY KIDS ONLY! Screw the rest and keep it that way, hang in there mama, it seems like the worst is here, but there are Angel’s out there willing to help, I found mine 24 hrs before my kids and I were homeless, no one was there for us either, but you have to keep on trucking girl! I wish you all the best in the up coming months and the NEW YEAR! <3 P.S., PM me, we can chat!

  23. Jes Woodman Jes Woodman says:

    you need to stop helping out your family .. they seem like terrible people .. maybe even slowly cut them out of your life .. you dont need their drama or chaos .. find a new home and job far away from them ..
    next you need to go to your Dr. and tel him/her how you are feeling .. you need to see a professional , get a evaluation and on the right medication .. this alone can make a huge change in your life .. also kids dont just say things like that , sounds like your daughter was either coached to say that or has been listening to other people and is mimicking back what they said (terrible people) .. if you are looking for someone who will listen , shoot me a message .. ive been there and im a good listener .. i really hope you find what you need and feel better .. and dont listen to your family , they need alot of help

  24. Pm me if you like… I always have an ear to listen and a heart that always cares!!!


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