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I don’t know what else to do

I am desperate. I work out every day at home. 35 min zumba and at least a half hour on the elliptical daily, walk the kids to school and back, always have loads to do at home so it’s not like i sit around much… I am on MyFitnessPal and count my calories daily. I don’t eat junk food, I cook every day. I don’t drink pop, just one coffee a day. Some days I will have one slice of toast but that’s not every day. I just can’t seem to lose any weight, I am actually gaining weight.

I am in tears writing this. I don’t care about society beauty standards, i don’t want to feel beautiful in this body because this isn’t the image of me that i have in my head. I don’t want to be a model, after two pregnancies and at my age it’s impossible. But I do want to lose weight before i hit obesity.

I have fibromyalgia and sciatica but still work out because the more i move the better I feel. I have two kids, one with special needs, the other one on the list to be assessed, so my time is VERY limited. I try my best but I can’t seem to be getting anywhere. I am so depressed looking at myseld in the mirror brings me to tears. I don’t initiate sex because I am ashamed of making my husband perform when what i have to offer isn’t what I would call desirable (what he thinks is irrelevant, this is how I feel, he doesn’t even know any of this) I am a housewife so paid monthly memberships are not the best thing for my budget right now… a gym membership would steal a lot of my time and housework would go to shit (it already happens since I started working out for one hour at home, dishes sit in the sink and everything is delayed) i know this all sounds like excuses but i just can’t figure out a way to make things work because i’m too sad and depressed and busy being a wuss and pitying myself and i don’t know how to stop. I don’t know how to stop the horrible, demeaning things i tell myself constantly.

I know my worth, I know my value but I can’t stop the damn voice in my head… I can’t tell anyone because they all dismiss me telling me I’m not fat. I am fat, I’m 5’4 and 170 pounds. I am desperate…and also incoherent, sorry about that.

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58 Responses

  1. Leona Aquin Leona Aquin says:

    it’s not how much you eat it’s what you eat my dear. I learned that i was eating 1 mean a day and munching on chips every night. cut out the chips started drinking more water less pop, vegs, fruit at night….lost 30 lbs…but now with 2 broken ribs i gained 12 lbs bk cause i can’t work like i usually do. soon be back to the same veg and fruit hopefully after christmas.

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  2. When was the last time you had a full physical? I have issues with high cortisol due to adrenal fatigue from chronic stress and hormone issues similar to pcos that make losing extremely challenging. Thyroid issues can also be a culprit.

    Additionally it is possible you are not eating enough for your level of physical activity. If your calories are too low for what you are doing your body can retain everything as a means of survival.

    So first thing I would say is eat more and book a physical with your Dr to rule out physical reasons.

    Most likely it is due to starving yourself.

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  3. Get thyroid tested

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  4. Leona Aquin Leona Aquin says:

    yes it is, i had my thyroid out yrs ago and its hard to keep a good weight

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  5. Erin Julien Erin Julien says:

    One suggestion: switch up your workouts! Your body gets used to doing zumba and the elliptical every day and it hits a plateau. If these are your only options, try ramping up the intensity on the elliptical- go for a harder but shorter workout one day, then do intervals the next, etc. Try looking up some body weight workouts that you don’t need any equipment for. Muscle mass uses calories more efficiently, so lift some weights or do body weight (push-ups, burpees, lunges, etc) circuit training style workouts- mix a whole bunch of different workouts to keep your metabolism guessing. It will also make it a lot more fun for you too! If you need any other ideas you can PM me. There are so many options. If your diet is on point, you are getting enough sleep and water, you should be losing weight or toning. Don’t give up! It took me a year of trying different things to figure out what worked for my body.

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  6. Thyroid test, and get your hormones checked. Estrogen can be a bitch.

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  7. Lisa Fedirko Lisa Fedirko says:

    2 things.

    1) tell a dr. Likely there is a medical reason. If you’re doing everything right and not losing there has to be some reason

    2) does hubby get hard? then it’s for YOU. Don’t rewrite his programming and tell him he’s an idiot for thinking you’re amazing by telling him he’s nuts to be hard for you. Geez girl. Work it.

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  8. Kirsten Dagg Kirsten Dagg says:

    I have sciatica too and I find Pilates really helps to strengthen my back plus the workout really hits all my problem areas. I’m sorry you’re feeling this way about yourself, if I listened to all the doubts I have about myself I’d feel the same way. Good luck and take care ❤️

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  9. I’m sorry to hear you feel so down. I’ve been there. Some days I still feel like that.

    You might benefit from eating small meals instead of 3 meals. There are a few books/plans out there which might be of benefit. Maybe take a look in the library.

    Good luck

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  10. Being that you have fibro it does make you prone to other autoimmune issues. Sometimes the body will go into rescue mode do to over doing it. High intensity, like Zumba is not recommended for people with autoimmune diseases. I have hypo/hashimotos, fibro, sjorgens and a few other AI issues. For me I found that the more I did the more the weight stayed on. Diet is key. Check out autoimmune paleo, it is the most recommended for people with AI.

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  11. Val Morelli Val Morelli says:

    If you are taking any meds check on those. Alot can cause weight gain!!

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  12. Agree with talk to your doctor. I started a program with my phn with the primary care network and it certainly helped. There can also be underlying medical issues. I was in the same boat as you. Working out constantly watching what I eat pretty much doing everything “right”. I’m now finally seeing things heading in the right direction after years of just “treading water”.

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  13. Get thyroid & antibodies tested

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  14. Sara Curd Sara Curd says:

    Hydroxy cut max helped me lose alot of weight

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  15. Have you had your thyroid checked? Are you on any medications? Is any of the food you are cooking daily coming from a can, bag, or box?
    And most importantly… you need to open up you your friends and your husband. They are your support team. Talk to your family doctor as well.
    Keep up the great work with your exercise plan and cooking at home!!
    Oh and remember that muscle weighs more than fat. And it takes a while to see results.

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  16. Mj Mank Mj Mank says:

    Sorry that is happening to you. Same happened to me. Did some googling and had my doc test me for hashimotos disease thyroid disease and walls I had it. It’s an auto immune disorder and wreak havoc on your system. One of its side effect high cholesterol and not being able to Lose weight ever.

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  17. I quit drinking pop. I wentbto the gym for a year. I only lost 10lbs. I wasnt eating enough, and needed more protien in ky diet. But first thing go to your doctor. May be medical. Adl your doctor about the AHS programs . They are free, teach you about propper diet.

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  18. Are you weighing your food with a food scale when logging in myfitnesspal?

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  19. Shawna Perez Shawna Perez says:

    Stress will drain your adrenals and make you pack on the pounds that no amount of dieting and exercising can eliminate. You have to change the stress levels, and how your nervous system has been compromised because of it, in your body. Find a good MD who balance your blood hormone levels (properly, not according to how Health Canada says it should be done, and treat you accordingly). Good luck 🙂

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  20. Tricia Lyn Tricia Lyn says:

    Like others have said…get your thyroid checked – blood work and ultrasound. That was my problem, now I’m on Synthroid and it ‘s been doing wonders. Your thyroid controls metabolism, energy levels, ect…

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  21. It almost sounds like you’re under-eating. Jocelyne Pare can probably help you since you sound super motivated

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  22. Hey your not fat. I’m 5’1 and 178 pounds. If your fat then that makes me fat too…. and I’m not fat. 🙂

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  23. Talk to your Dr.
    Alberta Health Services offers a free program called “Why Weight” and it’s a total approach to weight loss that also involves workouts, dietitians, counselling, monthly check ins, courses , and 12 weeks with a trainer. It’s fantastic and I highly recommend it

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  24. Brian Booth Brian Booth says:

    If you’re not eating a balanced diet that’s a huge issue. You say that some days all you have is a piece of toast. If that’s for an entire day that’s a huge issue because your metabolism never gets going. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day for this reason. Also if you can stop eating around 5 or 6 pm that’s better for you as well because your metabolism slows at the end of the day so the more you eat later the more you’ll pack on.

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  25. Def get your hormones levels checked – imbalances are more common than one thinks

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  26. Dan Zacharko Dan Zacharko says:

    Jennifer Watson Ammirati I know you deal with some of the same things this person is dealing with, and I have watched your positive message, maybe connecting will help this person.

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  27. Definitely get your thyroid checked out.

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  28. Patti Jones Patti Jones says:

    I worked out 5 to 6 days a week and really started seeing success when I started tracking my macros. Prior to I thought I was eating plenty of protein and not a lot of carbs and I was dead wrong. Once I started tracking the macros of my food it helped.

    The scale for me is also a trigger. Working out and not seeing something on the scale. So i don’t step on the scale. I measure based on how my clothes fit, getting up the stairs better, no knee pain. I scale is only one number of many on how to measure. Don’t let it be what defines you.

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  29. First you will gain weight it is called muscle only look at inches as that is where you will loose. I didn’t lose a lot of weight when I was working out but I did loose inches because my fat was turning to muscle

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  30. Shauna Snow Shauna Snow says:

    Get checked out by the doctor. Also I found the best way was to cut out all carbs and sugars. Read labels etc. Good Luck and you should think positive about yourself. I know it is hard but it will make a difference in how you approach the diet and exercise.

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  31. Debbs Debb Debbs Debb says:

    Please check out weight wise.
    I was 385 and after gastric bypass I’m 180 I would do it over again in a heartbeat. Living with morbid obesity is not easy. And I don’t care what anyone says it isn’t and never was a choice for me.
    Please feel free to pm me with any questions. The clinic if you do end up going has team of professionals who are there to help you. If surgery is not something that will benefit you they will tell you.
    I’m here for support. Please don’t be shy to message me ❤️

    https://www.albertahealthservices.ca/info/service.aspx?id=1008784

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  32. Marie says:

    Some very good and interesting feedback above OP. Some this reader already knew … Some this reader did not … Great feedback ladies!
    Oh, and Lisa Fedirko (above) … your 2) hit this readers funny bone big time … lol

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  33. Measure inches not weight. It does take time to reboot keep at it you’ll be glad you did !!

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  34. words from my dieticain – if you are under eating your body stays in starvation mode and holds on to everything so you could very well not be eating enough!!! that was my problem after being severely anorexic for years I started to eat ‘normally’ again and gained alot of weight back and then went to her cuz i was super frustrated and she had me eating WAY more and I stopped gaining weight!! you should see a dietician is my advice, because it’s 80% nutrition and 20% exercise so if you aren’t eating right exercising is almost pointless

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  35. I suffer from fibromyalgia and Chronic pain syndrome and I too have had issues with weight. I would love to chat with you about what is working for me it would be a novel on here so if you want to chat you can reach me on Facebook or even by email at j.l.watson@shaw.ca . I get the feeling of frustration because I have been there especially when you have tried everything. Please reach out to me as I feel your pain and would love to help in any way that I can. Xo

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  36. my sister in law is doing the Keto diet. she has lost quite a bit of weight since April….I think 70 lbs!!!!!

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  37. N B Smith N B Smith says:

    If you are going to get your thyroid tested, like many are recommending, make sure he/she checks off BOTH boxes for two thyroid tests. For many years, they only did the one test and nothing came back as hyper or hypo. FINALLY they did both tests and even though I wasn’t completely out of range (or whatever they call it) I was somewhat borderline. Doc decided to just try me on synthroid and surprise surprise it worked!! I started losing weight, I was less anxious, my mood was better, etc. I had a dietician and no matter what “diet” or food plan I was on, I just kept gaining weight. I even did the intermittent fasting plan (slowly lost a few pounds but it’s restricting and it threw me into an anorexic state where I stayed for a year or two. DON’T RESTRICT!! Once you start eating again, your body is in starvation mode and stores all fat and you just end up gaining weight back very fast! At least I did. (Gained 80lbs in 10 months! So embarrassed about that still!). Definitely consult with a doctor. Cortisol could be high (hormone that typically causes weight gain in mid section). Good luck!!

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  38. Sounds to me like you are doing too much cardio and not enough weights. 4 months ago I signed up with http://www.fitnesspoynters.com and I am down 25 lbs and at my lightest weight as an adult. He knows diet, how much to eat, when to eat and what to eat. All this correlates with when you exercise. Plus an exercise program is designed for you and how much time you have to dedicate to it. He puts together a plan for you for home workouts as well which I have been doing.
    It’s all stuff I never would have figured out on my own and believe me I tried and got no where.
    It’s inexpensive and It’s an easy program so I highly recommend!

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  39. This isn’t exactly an answer to your weight concern. I’m attaching a link to an FB page that may be helpful for you. I also have Fibro.. losing weight can be difficult at the best of times, but if you’re fighting fibro and all it’s idiot friends, it can be that much harder. The group I’m suggesting is a wonderful group of supportive people, for Fibro… and life in general. I hope you might consider joining if you aren’t already a member. gentle hugs – I know what it’s like to be so unhappy in yourself.
    https://www.facebook.com/groups/fibroalberta/?ref=bookmarks

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  40. Betty Jean Betty Jean says:

    Try that keto diet everyone is on and very successful. ..my daughter lost 25 lbs in 2 months….you get to eat lots…check it out on Facebook. …Keto for beginners. It may or may not be for you. You cook all your meals and you don’t exercise more than just walking

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  41. Kevin John Kevin John says:

    Cole Robinson educate these People please

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  42. Katy Cole Katy Cole says:

    Have you had your hormones checked? Biochemistry plays a huge role in how your body processes nutrition. If you have a thyroid or pancreas issue this will continue to sabotage all your other efforts 🙂 good luck I’ve been where you are

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  43. Get tested for candida, ( an over abundance of bad bacteria and antibiotics in our gut from our food supply, caused by sugars and chemicals in our foods due to processing ) also make sure you have proper balance in your gut bacteria’s and use a good pre and pro biotics to balance you gut. If your gut bacteria is out of whack your metabolism does not work right and you do not process the foods you ingest properly. With all the chemicals ( fertilizers, pesticides and antibiotics ) farmers now use in our food supply even the organic stuff is not free of all harmful chemicals, and all of that affects your gut bacteria balance. When i was in SE Asia i lost 30 pounds in a few months without changing a thing but my food supply came from local poor farmers that could not afford fertilizers or pesticides. As soon as i came back to North America the weight came back. I added pre and pro biotics to my daily routine to get things back in balance and the weight started to come off again.

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    • Marie says:

      Good points you make Peter Bagnall.
      Gut flora is super important … the gut being our 2nd brain and all too often overlooked.
      We should all be living and “eating” a SE Asian diet as you point out… and you are correct in noting ‘even buying organic’ may be an effort in futility in trying to maintain ones health … even though I for one shop predominantly for “certified organic (logo)” food products.
      There really is no ‘certified safety net’ for us when it comes to our food and better health unless we all resort “back to basics” and grow our own.
      Our commercial food sources are a Major-Red-Hot-Button with me. We can thank our government for that, for their supporting the likes of Monsanto, Dow, etc… which ultimately supports Big Pharma. When you really think about it… everything boils down to filling the coffers of Big Pharma by government employing “the poison the people strategy” (our very sustenance/our foods) to ensure we all suffer from one thing or another.
      Things never used to be this way… obesity issues … and some new disease, affliction or syndrome cropping up on a regular basis (new words to add to our/rather the medical vocabulary) – a new vaccine for this… one for that – how ‘bout chemo this … chemo that.
      BIG BUSINESS – BIG BUCKS.
      It’s a vicious inhumane strategy driven by our bigwigs government elect. Population control at its finest … all funneling in to the huge coffers of Big Pharma.
      What a hell hole man has created for man. (as well as our pets and other animals)

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