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Don’t know what to say anymore

My one in-law is unfortunately showing multiple signs of dementia ( they both are almost 70 – and the other has been dealing quietly with multiple cancerous lesions- which they will not discuss any particulars with their adult children- this in law even had part of an organ removed because of it – but still won’t discuss) .

I am at a loss because their own children do not think or want to deal with the thought or possibility that their parents are sadly changing, even though they physically see that things are not right. I would definitely just leave it to my spouse to handle their parents BUT we have two small children.

My spouse ( but mostly their siblings ) feel there is NO problem in letting them watch / babysit or have our children overnight to visit. Again we have two small children. I have put my foot down with my spouse that after a worse deterioration in both in laws behaviour and decision making involving in their ability to take care of them they can no longer babysit or have them overnight – the in laws have completely stopped being a part of their only two grandchildren’s lives.

Its getting really hard – we went to visit ( which I believe is important for them to still have a relationship) and the one in law pulled our one child into the other room – and tried giving them a present BUT they could only have it if they stayed overnight ?!! like what??!! My child is 4 yrs old they do not understand why – but then when i called for my child to come back into the family room – the in law quickly gave the present t my child and said dont worry about it!!

In a different incident same visit we both (my spouse and I) were trying to deal with our 4 yr old having a typical tantrum and that our child needs to listen and respect us – my in law all of sudden out of the blue – started sobbing and having a bit of tantrum – about what no one knew – their spouse was completely embarrassed- my spouse ( their adult child was confused and also embarrassed) and quite honestly I was done with all of it . Again numerous incidents and even putting our 4 yr olds safety at risk ( which was last fall – and the last draw and the last time I allowed them to have them )

STORY CONTINUES BELOW

How do I even deal with their adult children thinking nothing should be done? My spouse doesn’t want to talk to them about their behaviour or health. Their two other children don’t live in the same town nor sees them enough to actual see there is something seriously wrong. What do I do? Should I talk to geriatic/ gerontology social worker to find out what to do ?

I clearly have to not allow our children there unless me and or my spouse are present. There’s definitely signs of memory loss, agitation, confusion, and failing health as well as depression in both of them.
This is just so sad and frustrating.

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