Drama in my LGBT group
I was a part of an LGBT group a while back. An androgynous member I barely know (they’ve messaged me a couple times prior to briefly talk) asking if I would be open to starting a long distance relationship. I told them thanks, but I wasn’t interested. They got defensive immediately and started to ask whether or not it was because they were non-binary. It’s a bad conversation when someone wants to know why you aren’t interested. I said that I barely know them and I’m not attracted to them. It blew up from there. I was called transphobic and all sorts of names.
A mutual friend messages me and asked if the accusations were true. Take the male or female label out of the equation, I feel like genitals matter when they’re trying to have an intimate relationship with me. I am not attracted to breasts/vagina. Their gender is their business, but that’s my personal sexual preference. I was not misgendering them, they were just not someone I wanted to have a intimate relationship with. My friend was fairly nice but said I was reducing people to their genitals.
I’m sorry, but at what point does my sexual preferences stop mattering? Why should I have to learn to like vagina because someone wants to date me? At what point do I need to make myself sexually available to anyone just to prove I am not a terrible person? I am not comfortable with breasts/vagina on a sexual level. I would never ask someone to change for me. Everyone in my group knows about the interaction and it has destroyed my reputation in the group. Everyone is putting words into my mouth and it feels like I can’t even stand up for myself without someone dismissing what I have to say with an insult. I left the group and haven’t talked to anyone since.
If I told a cishet I wasn’t attracted to them sexually and they started to argue with me everyone in this group would laugh at the fragility of the cis ego. Why is it any different for a trans person? This whole interaction has left me very uncomfortable. I shouldn’t have to explain why mutual attraction matters in a healthy relationship.
The general feel of group is like my sexuality/desires stop mattering in the face of being accessible to someone else. It has been weighing on me. Has anyone ever experienced something similar? Was there a better way to handle the situation?
Note: This is not an open invitation for trans hate, so don’t. Please be civil.