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Everything feels too much

I am not asking for handouts or anything “poor me I want things”. I am simply frustrated and need somewhere to talk that does not judge or know me.

I feel like everything is too much. I have been juggling sudden health issues and surgeries with a full time job and young kids. All of a sudden last week I felt it was all crashing. I did everything from attending my kids activities to everyone’s laundry yet it is such a struggle to make myself get out of bed.

I don’t know if my husband is being a jerk or I am just in that mood to pick on everything. He saw me standing in our bathroom with scissors. I cut a big chunk off my hair. Usually I have very long nice hair but I wanted to chop it all off NOW. So he did listen to me cry then I made an appointment to see someone and asked him to come with me. In first 10 min, the woman said everyone feels sad or down sometimes and this season it’s common so no big deal. I felt worse after that, like if others feel it, its nothing. I told my husband that I wish I was not alive, I hate the world, I hate myself. All he said is get past it cause its common so you and others feel it and stuff needs to be done we don’t have time to cry over being down.

Maybe he is repeating what he heard but I called him a jerk and spent the night on the floor of our bathroom so I can be alone.

Next day he is mad at me for “still crying” because he thought he already comforted me so why are you not done feeling like this yet?

STORY CONTINUES BELOW

I don’t know why. I have never been depressed in my life before. I have handled big stuff. There is no big issues going on but I just don’t want to get out of bed. I want to stay under warm covers or I wish I never woke up.

I am against suicide so it’s not a worry. I spent all my extra money on the psychologist so I don’t have the time or money to see anyone else. Please don’t say “pm me” because I won’t. Nothing personal but I want to stay anonymous. I am not member of any religious places and I will never be again. Long story on that. I have only confided in one friend – who also told me that being depressed is normal this season so its all good and goes away on its own. It doesn’t and I expected more from people I have been there for in the past.

I don’t want things. I don’t want life. But I have to because I need to be a mom, wife, have a job and have a normal life. How do I get back to it? It feels like a sudden nervous breakdown that is getting darker and deeper and I am drowning more each day. Thanks for listenimg to me whine.

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29 Responses

  1. U of a emergency room now, it won’t get better, you need mental health help. The u of a will admit you for 4 hours have you describe what you described here and you will most definitely have a follow and meds before you leave.

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    • Those places are so depressing and I find they don’t help enough. For some, it can be a solution, but for many it is not. They leave you alone for hours and hours… then judge you if you ask any questions. You have nobody to talk to, no compassion.. then your thrown out and treated like a dog.

      This isn’t always the answer. Those hospitals suck. Judgment is real. Especially in these places, honestly.

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  2. Asking for help isn’t whining. Be proud of yourself for giving a voice to your words. I would, however, make an appointment with your family doctor to talk about it. Perhaps some medication to get you over this hump until you can find another therapist who is willing to actually listen and help.

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  3. I listened and I don’t know what to say but I’m sending a big hug.

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  4. You should really see a doctor, maybe ask for some anti-depressants…they might help you out….also there are places that have sliding scale psychologists…many people who have never been depressed don’t know how to respond to seeing people depressed, so what you perceive as him being a jerk, could be him not knowing what to do…

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  5. Liz Johnson Liz Johnson says:

    It is really hard when you don’t have a support system or people that take you seriously and understand.

    You don’t need a reason to be depressed. That’s not how it works. You can have everything in life going perfect and still want to cry.

    I recommend getting in touch with your family doctor. They have free referrals through Alberta health services for counseling.

    Try to make sure you take the time to do something for you every day. If it’s taking a bubble bath, throwing on some headphones or going for a walk, self care is really important.
    I like using Pinterest for uplifting advice and self help ideas. Sometimes it makes me feel better.

    Good luck

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    • When your very deep in depression, these things aren’t always enough.
      It’s a good start. Having a good routine is good, having a good diet is critical. I was told by a psychiatrist that meat swells the brain and to eat less of it. Also coffee does too, and to limit caffeine.

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  6. Please make an appt to see your doctor. Lots of people suffer from depression but that does not make it normal. I know that it can be difficult when you are feeling so down (I have been there myself) but if you can get outside for a bit of exercise especially in the sunshine it can lift your spirit a bit. Also start taking a vitamin D supplement. Especially with the short days many Canadians become vitamin D deficient and it can play a big part in you mood.

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  7. You aren’t whining, and i’d say great job for seeing your emotions and wanting to change. I have struggled with depression for a long time, and it needs no reason at all, to hit you! You can feel happy and life can feel fine, then you suddenly feel so alone and for no reason. It sucks. It’s dark, and lonely, but reaching out is good. Finding someone to talk to, whomever it may be is a start. Whisper is an anonymous app and u can find lots of good support there.. it has helped me a lot. There’s lots out there who do understand, and don’t feel like it is “nothing”. Your emotions and feelings so matter. Your mental well being is very important. Your husband should be supporting you, and seeking counselling so he can better support you!!
    And it may be the “time of year”…………. but that sure doesn’t mean it’s NOTHING! It just means your depression is a bit worse this time of year, where as for others it’s because of the weather or season… you are worth it! You are enough. Pushing yourself to get up is a good start. You can do it!

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  8. YWCA is a women’s counselling centre on Jasper they have a sliding scale for counselling and are amazing..also you can call alberta mental health they provide free services but if your in a crisis which sounds like you are contact 211 they have short term a month I believe where they will come to you at your home..there are also many wonderful peer support groups on fb which are closed or secret groups meaning no one on your fb not in the groups can see what your writing..I use a few they are helpful for a couple reasons..they are composed of people from all over the world so someone is usually on line..and it’s helpful just knowing your “normal” for feeling like you do..I wish you the best

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  9. I would suggest you see a family doctor and let him know all your symptoms and ask to have a referral to a psychiatrist. This is NOT normal and you should not ignore these feelings.

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  10. Shame on whoever you saw! Shame! In my experience, people who have never been in a depressed person’s shoes just don’t get it. In the short term, get onto some meds, at least thru Christmas. Then seek someone better to talk to. Counsellors and psychologists aren’t always the answer. Your doctor can help. Best case is that this is short-term and the meds will be all you need. Merry Christmas!

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    • One can hope. Meds aren’t always 100%
      A person has to want to help themselves and be willing to make good habits, daily.. try to find good support.. it’s a process and it can come back. For no reason. Meds can stop working.. it happens. Depression is a life long illness.

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    • Kristy Koeneman so true. For me, only meds and I’m lucky. Sometimes people think counseling without meds is the answer. The struggle is real.

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  11. That is more than simple seasonal depression.. get a special light to help with that though.. and eat more fruits and veges.. take a zinc supplement. Could it be postpartum depression?

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  12. I’ve been there and have come back. Please go to a doctor and talk to him or her. Medication can and does help. Don’t be embarrassed to ask for help. You deserve to be happy.

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  13. I wouldn’t say people get “depressed” this time of the year, more so overwhelmed. As someone still and always will battle with depression and anxiety… see a different doctor. A second opinion on your feelings never hurts, especially if you are still feeling this way. Feeling sad is one thing, and something everyone can get over… but depression is something entirely different. And we can’t just get over it. Understanding and patience, as well as an amazing support system helps to get us through. Please please please get a second opinion from a different doctor. Once who will take the time to listen to you and properly assess all your feelings and concerns. Depression needs no reason.

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    • For sure. My first “family doctor” told me I was a liar and I just needed more medication! The stuff she gave me just didn’t work for me. It made me worse. I left feeling so sad and like I wasn’t worth anything. Man, that hurt. Being told I’m basically crazy, and just need more.. doctors aren’t always helpful and don’t always fully listen. I went to a different doctors office which was small.. and I felt HEARD for the first time in my entire life. I was honest and told him all my struggles. He listened and worked with me to find what I need. It took months but it was worth it. Now, I am doing a lot better.

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    • Same here! I’ve been through many medications and we’ve finally found something that actually works for both.

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    • That’s wonderful! It’s nice to finally find things that help, hey. Life gets a little better.
      Sometimes, doctors can be the cause of pain. I’m happy to have found something good too.

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    • That is wonderful! I hope OP can find that same. It’s no fun to go through this, especially around the holidays.

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    • Yes, and with kids. It’s so so hard. Life is difficult for everyone. For me though, it was more than medication. It was changing my own routines and cutting off toxic people. It was finding time for myself, in healthy ways, and setting boundaries. It was finding what I liked, and things that made me happy. I’m fortunate to have had sufficient alone time to figure this stuff out, though. Not having that can be dangerous- even with meds.. if a person so needs. Life changes can be hard (like taking new meds).. finding that balance, and self love.

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    • For me, I was in denial for so long so it took a long time to realize I AM enough. I am worthy of love and someone who will treat me right. Having the right support. It’s all important.

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    • Absolutely! Self care is greatly needed, with or without depression. It’s healthy.

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  14. You need a new therapist. You can get help from Alberta Health Services at no cost.

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  15. Have you had your blood checked? I suffered for so long and it was my thyroid! Talk to your doctor and get your doctor to refer you to a therapist. I found it has helped me.

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  16. Cindy Mason Cindy Mason says:

    You are in serious need of “me time”. It sounds to me as though you got overwhelmed and went into a vicious circle that you can’t get out of. You need to dedicate some time for just you doing something that you enjoy, even just a couple of hours/week can make a difference. Get hubby to pull a little extra weight with the kids and housework so you can have that time without feeling guilty. If you like to read – go to the library for an hour. If you like crafts – find a local facebook group for that craft and see if they have meetings/get togethers. Also, make sure to to have “couple time”, just you and hubby away from house and children. Even if it is only once a month and all you do is go for a walk you need that time to keep your relationship fresh (don’t discuss household problems during this time, talk about hopes and dreams or maybe just smile, hold hands and not talk at all).

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  17. Please go see your doctor to recommend you to a phycologist, I did and it made a world of difference. Its nice to talk to someone that knows nothing about you and WONT judge you, I know you dont want to be known but if you feel ok about it you can p,m, me and I can tell you more, Take care of yourself, alot of people love you <3

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  18. First take a deep breath. Make a cup of tea.
    Now know you are valuable and land loved by your family. Your negative mood can certainly make even the smallest word seem negative. I speak from years of experience with chronic depression. Find an escape. (I read, really read every word and create the scenes in my head until I’m only thinking of what I’m reading) that being said I know that many people will go to the gym and sweat. You can walk, ride a bike, lift weights go for a swim. You could teach yourself something new.
    Bottom line take your gift of choice back to do something for yourself. Your mind and body are telling you too.
    If it is an age, seasonal or just on overwhelming issue. Google some suggestions. Vitamin D, B.
    Get outside,
    Make yourself smile at the smallest blessings,
    Take an afternoon nap.
    You are worthy and require a reset.
    You get this choice
    Merry Christmas

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