I feel like a failure

I am now going through a separation. What am I gonna Do? I start a job next week but the hours don’t work with childcare. I wont make enough to pay for rent, bills, food, childcare, ext. I haven’t been single in over a decade. I feel so lost and confused right now.

All if this right before Christmas. I am trying to stay positive but it’s hard. Very hard. My kids don’t know yet. How are they gonna take it? I ready know I will be blamed for it all. I always am , so I’m prepared, I think… I feel like I have failed my kids. That I am failing them. Where do I go from here??



17 Responses

  1. Talk to a lawyer, first and foremost. Get custody and support agreements drawn up.

    Do you have family you can ask for help? Either with childcare or anything else?

    Finally, therapy. Mental health services via Alberta health are available at no cost to you.

  2. Brandy Wells Brandy Wells says:

    Rome wasn’t built in a day and they didn’t have money to build either. I went through it and it’s tuff but you will need fam or friends to help if you got none pm me lots of us have been through the same. Be brave girly

  3. Brandy Wells Brandy Wells says:

    P.s. they will blame you and thank you later too!

  4. Vent it out stay positive your children will pick up on your emotional response more then you can imagine, I’d Suggest a full time nanny it is close to same price if yo are enrolling 2-3 children into daycare.
    One foo infront of the other an be strong not for yourself but for your children. Life always throws us into the shit winds to see if we catch flight and become more then we were yesterday or watch us crash burn and beat ourselves up over the small things. Keep your head held high and persevere.

  5. Pat Bennett Pat Bennett says:

    Day care subsidies, rent subsisy, make sure revenue canada has marital change and income change info asap.

  6. You will get child support and most likely spousal as well. Call family law center. Get some advise from them. You should get subsidy for child care. And be open and honest with your boss about your situation. They may be willing to work with your childcare hours.
    You are not alone. You are brave and showing your kids how to be strong. You can do this.

  7. After 3 months separation your child benefit go up. An ex can live in the house as separated…call revenue Canada and talk to them

    • Cra wouldn’t accept my ex living in my house..he moved downstairs and was the childcare provider..they said as long as we reside at the same address we are still common law

    • They accepted for me …was years ago though. The circumstances and finanacial and living situation may matter. Or it was so long ago I am confused at what happened exactly. ..maybe I just did not have to wait a tax year and they back paid .

    • You cannot be in the same residence to be considered separated. Regardless of how money is distributing in the dwelling. You must habe separate addresses and are usually required to prove it with new lease agreement, or mortgage papers and utility bills.

  8. Kathleen Rae Kathleen Rae says:

    I’ve been there too! Where to go? I went to the YMCA, they gave me councilling helped me cope and stay strong and helped me find a lawyer

  9. Betty Jean Betty Jean says:

    Alot will kick in. It will seem hard to start with an overwhelming but get everyting in place ASAP…you already know its coming.. Get hold of maintanence enfrocement and quickly set up child care, even through social services. They will make him pay. Sooner you do that the sooner they get after him. Gather as much info as you can right now to give to them…place of employment, SIN number, Vehicel make and model and lic plate no….drivers lic number if you can get it…secretly. Have all teh info you need so they can get after him for child support. Get in to see a lawyer (legal Aide) ASAP and get custody order for your kids. Even if you can find a pay stub so you can verify his income, bank statements…having enough info will speed up the process…they you get child credit tax, he would have to pay for 66% of day care, plus he would have to pay for childrens activiites. Court are very good to the mothers and go after the father for a whole lot.

    • Wow, you’re a piece of work

      “Get all your ducks in a row and go after him for all you can”

      Did it ever occur to you the husband “might” be the more stable parent while she may be going through a mid life crisis with a new 23 yr old boyfriend destroying her marriage and family?

      Not saying she is, but advising her to do what you did is just plain UGLY

    • Kevin Sorochan I kind of agree 🙁

    • Your advice has some holes and will likely waste a good deal of time, if she were to follow it.
      MEP is a collection agency in simple terms. They enforce orders, they do NOT take anyone to court and do not arbitrarily make orders and demands for support on someone’s behalf. She will need to go the distance with her separation be it through mediation, paralegal or counsel and court.
      Once started, child support amd patenting time are typically the first orders of business. They will establish a reasonable support order and she can then take that to MEP, if need be. Not all couples who separate fight over the financial support of their children.
      Legal Aid may or may not help. It depends on her situation. If there is marital property worth something, they can refuse her citing proceeds of disposition or buy out being sufficient to cover legal costs.
      Child care can be subsidized and yes, social services (Alberta Works) would be a good first step to establish that.
      Any extra curricular are calculated by percentage, based on their combined incomes.
      The family court system is not all about the mothers and sticking to the fathers.

  10. You can’t change yesterday. Work in today and tomorrow.


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