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Feeling defeated

I am embarrassed to admit it. I know, hiding behind anonymous post is not classy but I am so ashamed.

My life was going normal. I am a 30’s year old mom with 2 kids. A while ago I lost my parents. I cared for them till the end. The funeral expenses drained my savings. And I went swimming in grief. I hide it well, nobody knows. I tried counselling but got dismissed as they are not my mom and dad biologically. To me, they are people who raised me. I tried antidepressants but due to a reaction I can’t have them.

Then I had an accident. I saw my child falling and I jumped to save her. In that, I damaged my left side of the body. I have been living in pain for a long time. I lost one foot and more to lose with time.

During all the hospital stays, I had no money so I went on income support. But the overdue utilities, student loans – they paid them. I got AISH disability but those payments were put on as debts so they are taken off my monthly amount. I fought it and lost.

So I get $950 a month for the family. It barely covers rent, utilities, school fees.
I am trying to work. I am doing direct sales as I can do some of it from bed on very bad days. I don’t drive. That money helps a little with food but not enough.

STORY CONTINUES BELOW

I feel like I am drowning. Grief is there. I have no other family. I feel alone. And I feel like life is becoming harder and harder. Simple things like making dinner for my kids – financially I can barely afford it. And physically I am in so much pain after 10 min of standing by the stove. I want to give them nice normal meals, even spoil them with desserts and holidays. I can’t even find clothes within budget.

I am sorry to whine. There are others worse off. I would never end life because I have children but I feel defeated by everywhere I turn and nothing seems to give hope of better.

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41 Responses

  1. Grieving is nothing to be ashamed of. It sounds like you are a great parent doing the best they can in a tough set of circumstances, I commend you for that. Hang in there!

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  2. I feel for you im currently an injured worker on wcb since july and not pulling in enough. Tough choices like paying my Epcor bill before the 6th or paying rent. Ugh. It sucks but it will pass thing will get better.

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  3. Please feel free to inbox me op. I drive and I’m willing to help you any way I can for free. I know what it’s like to be stuck and have nobody.

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  4. Skye Brown Skye Brown says:

    You can get your monthly debt payments reduced. If AISH refuses go to your MLA, they will help.

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  5. Hannan E Hannan E says:

    If I can somehow help with food and clothes please send me a message.

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  6. You can also join the Upcycling (there’s a few) everything is free for things you need (clothes, furniture etc)

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  7. You need to ask the funeral home – Canada pays for basic funeral expenses for low income people.. either you, or your parent’s estate should have gotten a check to cover basic expenses if low income. Go to the food bank…. if you think mentally you can baby sit 1 or 2 kids.. do that part time… good luck.

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  8. Mj Mank Mj Mank says:

    So sorry for your loss. Be comforted. Have you called 211? Give them a call. They are a great support. Always call 7804964777 for three free counselling sessions. I
    Pm me anytime

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  9. Please message me. I can help you. I would be happy to cook some meals and freeze them for you so you can just throw them in the oven.

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  10. sorry for your loss, i agree that grief takes alot of us but it’s also a healthy way to heal, venting to someone is needed so that you know you are not alone, glad you do have your children to keep living life, have a great day

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  11. I’m concerned about you being ashamed about this. These are your circumstances and some consequences are out of your control. Be proud that you reached out! Please try other medications for your depression. Grief is grief and yours should not be invalidated. But you’ll find a huge difference with meds vs without, and you’ll at least get yourself out of that black hole. God bless you.

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  12. According to AISH information, you should be receiving $1,588 plus $100 per dependant child per month.
    $1,788 isn’t a lot, but with CCB it would be double the $950 you’ve stated.
    Unless you are making more than $800 per month, you should be receiving the full $1,788.
    I did read that you’ve appealed, but you’ve given no reason for the significant difference in your payments versus the basic AISH amounts.

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    • They are taking a portion of to pay bills such as student loans from what I read.

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    • Hmm that’s a heck of a lot to take off. And if income support had previously paid the utility arrears, she shouldn’t have any, meaning it should be month to month utilities at this point. As far as I’m aware, if utilities amount to more than $300 in a single month, the income support or AISH recipient can take the bills to their worker to have the excess paid or reimbursed.
      As for student loan, she should be able to negotiate a lower monthly payment based on circumstance.
      $838 is a heck of a payment to be making. And I don’t believe it would fall within the norm as it would be 47% of her income.

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    • Not too mention child tax. She should be receiving the max with such low income. Per child.

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    • you’re not listening. what “should” be in everyone’s eyes is not the reality for this person. AISH has about as much compassion as Revenue Canada does. They over paid my son and because he also qualified for Canada Pension disability so they just deduct that from his AISH payments, so I’m not surprised at all.

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    • When y r on aish u need report all income ctb is excempt income so is gst tax benefit

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  13. Look into low income housing, food bank for food, social service assistance mentally and for help with options ! Google Edmonton social services for advice! Also as for prescriptions stick with it at times it takes a few try’s to find the right fit

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  14. Im keeping you in my prayers. You will come through this and be more strong than ever before. Its these times that we get to see what we are really made of and the beautiful person you are. You’ll know your worth. *hugs*

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  15. Try an online store using shopify, oberlo and AliExpress. It takes a bit to setup but it is continuous income after that and you can do t from your bed and a laptop.

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  16. Please PM me! I can try to help you! You need help before you fall further!

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  17. Rabil Khan Rabil Khan says:

    please send me a message.. would love to help you in any way, shape or form!!

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  18. I’m willing to help you in any way I could. Please feel free to inbox me. Just don’t think your all alone. Some really nice people on this site snd willing to help, myself included.

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  19. Lauri Restad Lauri Restad says:

    I absolutely love all the positive comments and understanding and support on this post

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  20. Linda Riley Linda Riley says:

    Child support??

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  21. Feel free to message me. I would be happy to help out.

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  22. Send me a message and we will work something out. Maybe you and your kids can join us for dinner a few times a week. Or I will gladly be a ear to talk to. You’re not alone as much as it feels like you are. Look at all these wonderful people offering to help someone they don’t even know.

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  23. I can bake some treats for you and your little ones. PM me

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  24. How old are your children? Old enough for part time work or to cook or drive? Also look into support groups for a social outlet and some help.

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  25. Feel free to inbox. I may be able to help both with an ear and respite care

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  26. Edmonton Catholic Services & Family Services have a sliding scale for counseling based on income. The City of Edmonton offers free counselling. U of Alberta has a food bank & a clothing bank. City of Edmonton has low income subsidized housing. People with children are 1st priority. They have townhouses, houses & apartments. The City of Edmonton runs free support groups for women. The counseling agencies would also know where there would be Grief Support Groups for people who have lost people. There is the Edmonton Food Bank & Santa’s 630 CHED Santas Anonymous that you can register with as well. Good luck! Value Village & Goodwill have clothes for very cheap.

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  27. Please pm me op. You are not alone.

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  28. Jade Jasmine Jade Jasmine says:

    Please pm me as well. I’d love to help in every way I can!

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  29. This mom can also call food banks check out collective kithchen and wecan food coop

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  30. I would be happy to help with anything from meals to clothing for your children.

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  31. If you need anything please message me. You are not alone.

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  32. Heres a question…where is the father? Should he not be paying child support? Aish should be giving more. Plus child tax should help.
    Glad there are people on here willing to help. Some good people left in this world

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