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Growing up is hard to do

Not whining or complaining here just feel like saying a little something and it’s always easier when it’s anonymous. I’m 37 and have spent the large portion of my “adult” life drinking my years away, thinking that just because I managed to hold a job and an apartment I had it all together. I always joked about being an alcoholic, but they go to meetings right? Stupid stuff we say to justify wasting our life. Working full time in a bar certainly didn’t help me either. Started drinking when I turned 16 I think, cause I wanted to be a cool kid. Stupid. Didn’t drop out of high school, but I sure didn’t go to class either. Easier to drink with my friends in the cafeteria. When I was 17 told my mom I’m gonna be a waitress and make lots of money, by that point she was done with trying to make me get an education and said go for it. So 20 years later, that’s my claim to fame. I’m a great bartender, or at least was until I found a bottom (not rock bottom yet, still got a couple things I need to take care of, but haven’t found the courage yet, and then we should find rock bottom, but only one way to go from there, right) and just up and quit my job. Had a bit of mental breakdown and, well the stress of everything in my life that I’d been masking with booze (lots of booze) just kinda slapped me in the face. Spent a weekend basically detoxing my liver, thought I was going to die once or twice, but came through to the other side and decided I’ll only be an occasional drinker, lol ya that happened. Give me one, I need the bottle. So 6 1/2 months ago I made the decision to quit all together. Hardest thing I’ve ever done, still hard somedays. However, since I’ve quit drinking I’ve got my diploma, legitimately not GED, I’ve lost 35 pounds and lots of inches, I’ve even applied for university and am about to complete my last upgrade course to see if I’m accepted. Thank god I had a few sober moments of clarity and had set up a savings account for myself “in case of emergency” which I didn’t think would turn out to be me needing to accept I’m an alcoholic but life’s full of curveballs right. The other thing I’ve noticed I’ve lost is all those people who were my “friends”. Spent 18 years cultivating “friendships” that I didn’t even realize weren’t friendships, they were more drink-ships. Everyone’s always ready to go to bar and do shots, but no one ever wants to go for coffe or a bike ride. Sucks when you’ve spent your whole life being one thing and then when you change, cause you have to, so many people get lost in the shuffle. Never knew it was so hard to actually meet and become friends with people as an adult, so easy in a bar, everyone is your best friend when they’re drunk, especially if you’re the one slinging the booze lol. Trying to find actual legit people to hang out with and do not boozy fun things, hard to find. I don’t for one minute regret my decision to quit drinking, it’s already destroyed so much of my life, I can’t give it anymore, but I really wish I’d have come around a long time ago. My hats off to all those other people out there dealing with their own crap and who’ve overcome. Anyway if you’ve read this much you deserve a thank you for reading a quick blip about my sad little life, so thanks a bunch for taking a couple minutes to listen to my story. Hope you have a great rest of yours

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