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Hard to be happy for other about having babies

I find it so hard to be happy when I see friends and family’s post about having Baby’s or expecting. We want children so much we have spent 40 thousands this year with ivf a surrogate and still we are not expecting.

Breaks our hearts and all these post just makes it worse or even when you see people that just shouldn’t have children don’t care for the ones they have. hurts even more.

The hard part is people don’t get it or understand because not everyone has to deal with it this way.

Trying to be happy for others when your hurting is so hard.

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52 Responses

  1. You don’t have to be. Don’t be rude about it but you’re allowed to feel your feelings.

    Best wishes to you and yours and I hope you are expecting someday soon.

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  2. Mardy Mayhew Mardy Mayhew says:

    Not to sound to harsh but get off Facebook if it’s really affecting you that much or else unfollow everyone who posts baby stuff.

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    • Barnes Carol Barnes Carol says:

      Typical male response

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    • He has a point. Was my first thought as well

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    • Mardy Mayhew Mardy Mayhew says:

      Barnes Carol why not put your own input towards this post then waste time commenting on mine?

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    • Evan Marcoff Evan Marcoff says:

      It’s true though – easiest way to not see “upsetting” updates my friends is to simply not be on social media, or to unfollow/etc.

      The OP is sad/jealous/whatever by seeing updates and pictures of babies and shit? Well, this isn’t anyone else’s fault or problem. People are allowed to be happy and post things.

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    • That’s just a little callous. Like I get it but that super lacking in any form of compassion.

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    • Kerry Lynn Kerry Lynn says:

      That’s true it is a way of doing it but not everyone can. Years ago when I was trying to get pregnant all our couple friends were having babies and it was tough. That was (believe it or not) before fb. House parties were terrible as all anyone would talk about were their kids and women ha e some insane need to relive their birthing experiences everytime they get together. It was unbearable. I started hanging out with the guys and I’m sure you can imagine how that went over with the other women. Ultimately I severed all friendships and persued friendships with childless, many times single women. Well that did wonders for the marrage too. So it’s not as easy as just saying delete or ignore people and facebook.

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  3. Feel the way you want, if poeple can’t understand why you feel that way, then that is their problem not yours. I have one beautiful daughter, but have lose another one (at about 3 weeks along, not just the child but a tube as well). Not long after losing that child, i had to leave a birthday party, for a cousin, as another cousin brought her huge family (including her 6 month baby). It was just to much for me to deal with.

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  4. It is entirely possible to feel 2 things at once. You are allowed to hurt and grieve for yourself and your partner and also to wish you were in their shoes. You are grateful they don’t have to endure what you have but also hurt that they haven’t either. You are allowed to feel how ever you feel ❤️. Sending positive thoughts that you get your very much wished and hoped for dream to come true ❤️

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  5. I can only imagine how upsetting and divided it must make you feel. It’s a long, hard road.

    I’m going to gently suggest some counselling to help channel your grief. It’s okay to mourn what you don’t have and celebrate what others do. A counsellor can help you get there ❤

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  6. Erin Johnson Erin Johnson says:

    With the upcoming February 2018 closure of Royal Alex Hospital, I completely understand where you are coming from.

    My husband and I haven’t spent, nor will we ever be able to spend that much, on infertility treatments. It’s harsh to accept that it may never happen due to these changes, and that we may not ever be parents. Harder still to see those that can get pregnant and just love to talk about how easy it is.

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  7. Rabil Khan Rabil Khan says:

    Kids are blessings no doubt, but right now, you just have to deal with one issue, and that is not having kids.. imagine parents go through a lot of pain and suffering for their kids for whatever reason, whether it’d be their health issues, schooling, finances, their better future, marriages etc.. just be content with what you have. If it’s meant to be, you will have kids xx

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  8. Adoption should be a great option for you

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  9. Kerry Lynn Kerry Lynn says:

    I understand all too well. I also tried for years and finally gave up. I very unexpectedly got pregnant at 39. My Dr explained that as our bodies prepare for menopause we release a more usable eggs at a time which is why you hear about more women having babies in their 40s. Depending on your age and circumstance this may be a comfort. I have medical papers saying I’d never have kids and now at 43 I have a 3yr old.

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  10. i understand its ok to be upset, i was told id never have kids… i have 4 now and each one of them has a few health issues but they are my blessing everyday. maybe adoption is your next step. take time to heal everything happens for a reason

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  11. My god adopt . Please pm me . I was adopted and would have had a horrible , terrible life if it were not for adoption . I just found all my siblings and mom .

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  12. Sending prayers to you ❤️

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  13. Want to be parents? Although you may not be able to have your own there are plenty of children out there already alive and needing a family because there abandoned them or were unable to provide for them. Although this child would not be your blood this child would love you just the same

    ADOPT❤️

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    • Shanda Leigh Shanda Leigh says:

      While I agree with you some people don’t see it as the same thing. I on the other hand don’t see the difference between biological and adopted. They are all still children that need to be loved.

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    • Shanda Leigh how many kids of your own and how many adopted do you have?

      Please people stop saying to adopt like it’s a secret that needs to be let out. It’s not as easy as you think. And not a guarantee.
      It can carry just as much heart break as fertility treatments.

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    • I disagree with this altogether. I would suggest you never ever say this to someone trying to have their own genetic child. I’m guessing you have your own children that are blood related to you. Adoption had NO guarantee at all.

      I’m a surrogate helping others having biological children because I can.

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    • You realize they might be on the list already or have reasons why they can not be on the list??? (Age being one)

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    • Ok guys relax i was trying to suggest another option not offend with MY opinion

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  14. It is hard to see when others are expecting and you’ve tried and are not successful . What is meant to be will be ! Take care of yourself and know it’s okay to feel that way .

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  15. Maja Black Maja Black says:

    You need to accept yourself, not cry about what is in other people’s backyard

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  16. Felicia Rene Felicia Rene says:

    I absolutely sympathize for you. I can only imagine how difficult it is and how unfair it feels. Sending love.

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  17. Adopt! Instead of being ungrateful change the way you perceive your situation. By being so negative and focusing on your pain you are only inviting more pain and negativity. Hard to wrap your brain around but it’s the law of attraction.

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  18. Completely 100% understand this having had a bit of struggles for my first 5 years of trying. I often think about the fact that I’m on the other side now and can no longer offer advice because you just don’t see me as “like you.” I’m not going to offer advice or say I feel sorry you’re hurting. What I’ll say is…I TOTALLY get the feelings of jealousy and guilt you feel when your bffs tell you they’re pregnant and they legit JUST started trying. Many, many tears shed over that one. Hang in there hun!!! Praying for your little miracle soon.❤️❤️❤️

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  19. Jana Kolot Jana Kolot says:

    Get off social media and you won’t see people’s ‘posts’.. become a foster parent, adopt…

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  20. That’s $40,000 you could ha e spent to adopt one of millions of children in the system…

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  21. I completely understand and totally sympathize with you. I have 100% been where you are. It’s so hard. It’s all part of the grieving process. I would suggest finding a forum or support group to talk through this stuff. We ultimately adopted but adoption is not for everyone and anyone saying “just adopt” have no idea what they are talking about. It’s not that simple. It would be amazing if it was.

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  22. Lisa Sissons Lisa Sissons says:

    I’m sorry for all the ignorant people telling you to just adopt like it’s some cure all for a broken heart. As though it’s not time consuming, and expensive, uncertain and that at the end of it you won’t have a child who looks like you or your spouse. It’s an option for some, but not all.

    I had a perfect, beautiful son who died as a newborn due to medical negligence. I have spent the 5.5 years since that time trying to have another child but am now unable to conceive due to damage to my body caused by the very traumatic birth that I went through to have my son. Infertility is no joke. It is all consuming, it is heart breaking, and sometimes treatment just doesn’t work. Everyone wants to tell you about the happy ever after stories where their brother’s friend’s sister’s dog ended up with triplets. But sometimes we don’t get the ending we wanted. And you are absolutely allowed to be sad and to grieve that loss.

    Feel free to pm me if you want. I could certainly use another person who is in a similar boat.

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    • Lisa Sissons, thank you for sharing. This is true on so many levels. I am sorry for your loss. My husband and i went through treatment for a baby and I finally got pregnant, we were 4 months along when we decided to tell me family. I ended up having a miscarriage 2 weeks later. I had health complications in the past and i only have one ovary and he doesn’t work well to begin with so our child was a miracle baby. losing him was super hard. Its been awhile since its happened and I cant even begin to explain the bitter feelings i have towards people who dont want their kids or talk about how horrible being a parent is yet here comes baby number 5!.

      My husband and I have talked about adoption but honestly thats not something we want. We want our own child, call us selfish. It drives me bonkers when people say, oh well, you will have another. You’re fine, it happens to most women. Yes but most women dont have only one bum egg. chances of me getting pregnant again are insanely slim.

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    • Lisa Sissons Lisa Sissons says:

      Monique Germaine Storoschuk Jones thank you. I’m sorry for your loss as well. When I got pregnant I had no idea that I’d ever face infertility. That first pregnancy was really easy to come by. After we lost our son everyone (including the doctors) kept saying that at least we knew we could get pregnant, and it was more a question of when to try again than anything else. Who knew that it would end up being so hard?

      Everyone’s experiences are different, and so I just am astounded at how insensitive some people are when commenting. The OP clearly was looking for some support rather than advice on how best to grow his/her family.

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    • Kelly Shaw Kelly Shaw says:

      My wife and I struggled for a while and jumped through some hoops… eventually she was pregnant and all was going well right upto the last few days.

      Nothing we could do or could have done would have changed things… but our daughter was still born and it has taken a toll on us.

      We were fortunate and extremely lucky enough to finally have a healthy baby boy (2 years old now), but nothing can replace the loss of a child… even having another one.

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    • Lisa Sissons Lisa Sissons says:

      Yes, the grief of losing a child is like no other. My loss has been compounded by the loss of a future where I would get to be a parent.

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  23. My daughter had two tubal pregnancies resulting in her losing both tubes. Only option left was IVF. That being said, it would have been 18-24 months wait & $35,000 again.
    They went to Mexico instead (cancun). Baby boy is now 15 months. Have you tried or thought that option?

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  24. I am so sorry you’re going through this. I am a surrogate, and part of a large group of other surros and ip’s, and I can feel the heart break when beta is negative. I have no advice, and I desperately hope you get your miracle ❤️

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  25. Cee Dee Hawn Cee Dee Hawn says:

    Well, stop it. You really wanna experience that karma ffs?

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  26. Rhon Magyar Rhon Magyar says:

    There’s nothing (insensitive) about being a foster or adoptive parent. You’re giving love and life to a little person who probably hasn’t had much. And who knows maybe your own blood one will pop up too with a surprise “hello!”. You can’t change the world for everyone but for that special kid you will be the world.

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  27. I understand how you feel, we had issues conceiving and staying pregnant once we did. Which only happened once. We ultimately got blessed and had our kids but I was a mess until that happened. I cried all the time, I hated life, I hated people who got pregnant. My friends all around me where having babies and I had to smile and be happy which I was but part of me was dying inside.
    People used to tell me to adopt or relax and it will happen. It’s painful. You have to let yourself and your spouse grieve.

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  28. Ajon Hadi Ajon Hadi says:

    Comments here are going to make you feel worse. Patience is the best remedy. Occupy yourself with somthing else you like untill it happens. Good luck

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  29. Graham Frost Graham Frost says:

    Adopt you fuck head…

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  30. Trish Down Trish Down says:

    Please, take your money and save some kids who need families by opening your home to them.
    if you can’t have them with your own bodies, that is your reality, but doesn’t mean you won’t feel like a parent raising someone else’s offspring. Love isn’t hereditary my friends…heretics can suck for many people…love rarely does.

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  31. Adoption is not the answer!!! For all of you suggestion adoption, have any of you adopted a baby? This is so hurtful to anyone having fertility problems. If I listened to people like you, I wouldn’t have my 4 biological children!!

    I’m a surrogate that helps others. I understand the heartbreak of having a negative blood test. I’m on my 3rd family I’ve helped.

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