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Help yourself before you ask others to help you

I’m more than happy to help others in need but tell me what you have done to help yourself first before you ask me to help you.

Have you gotten rid of that expensive cell phone? A landline is less that $25 a month. Have you stopped going to Starbucks for overpriced coffee that you could make at home for less? Or have you given up coffee altogether and switched to tap water? Are you still having kids when you cannot afford the ones you already have? Did you move into a smaller, more affordable home? Have you sold your truck to save yourself the expense of insane payments? Have you applied everywhere for a job (even at the minimum wage places)? Have you given up junk food, booze, and smokes?

Sure sometimes bad things happen to people and they do deserve help. I have no problem helping those people. But if you say you have 3 kids and another on the way and can’t afford Christmas while driving a $50.000 truck to get lunch from McDonald’s every day I really have to wonder.

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101 Responses

  1. Who are you to judge !!!

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    • You don’t know peoples lives … And maybe the people that judge … Need to get one !!!

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    • People are judgemental at the best of times. Those who are asking for money are opening themselves up. I agree with the idea children should come first. People who spend money for themselves on weed, other drugs, cigarettes, alcohol, take-out food and coffee while not taking care of the needs and wants of their children deserve judgement. I have seen guys with maintenance enforcement in collections on their credit bureau while their $1100 monthly truck payment is up to date. I would judge them and turn down their request for more credit.

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    • Marie says:

      Lorraine Daniels on December 14, 2017 at 10:46 am
      And who might you be?
      I can only surmise that you see yourself with sharp focus in the reflection of OP’s post.
      AND “YOU” are defiantly … one of the many irresponsible human beings this post is referring to

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  2. A landline is not 25$…lmao

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  3. I agree Op. there are so many people who need genuine help. And to me if you have money for smokes and weed and McDonald’s and junk food but you have no money for your family or Christmas, you’ve made bad choices. However. A parents bad choices shouldn’t leave their kids suffering. So even if we don’t agree with how a parent behaves, their children shouldn’t go without because their parents are total losers.

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  4. I am always confused by the response to these kinds of posts. The OP states quite clearly that he/she is willing to help others and merely asks if people have done what they can to lower their expenses before asking others for help. People make choices, sometimes bad ones, that can cause financial difficulty. Too often though excuses are made, or they don’t own up to their mistakes and aren’t prepared to make the hard choices to fix the situation. Then when people question those decisions, they are being hard asses or are lacking in compassion according to some people. I will gladly buy someone a meal if they are hungry, or help them find a safe place to stay. I won’t however just hand over money that could be used for drugs or booze. If someone asks for money from me and they say no when I ask if they are hungry they don’t get my help. Does that make me a hardass? Does that show a lack of compassion? Or is that refusing to enable someone to continue making bad choices? The OP is right. People need to learn to help themselves and stop expecting other’s to ride to the rescue all the time. If I see someone is trying to help themselves, I will gladly pitch in and help. If someone is just whining about their situation and expecting other’s to fix it, count me out.

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  5. Lana Almaeva Lana Almaeva says:

    Ok lets assume that a land line is $25. A smart phone is really an internet access and not a phone. So why are we comparing apples to oranges? Internet is $60 plus $25 for a land line seems like it is an average cell bill right there, plus an added cost of buying an overpriced land line unit. If that is money saving in your opinion you are bad with money. The reason poor people have kids is because they can not afford 30/month bcotnrol, but they are people and like all people need food, water, sleep and sex. Want to help without giving money? start a petition to get bcontrol covered under Alberta healthcare. A home brewed cup of instant coffee costs under 2 cents and keeps people, well human. Although I agree with your on starbacks coffee, if I was in debt small luxuries are the first to go. But really just say you dont want to help people and move on, there is no need to put anyone down, just to make yourself feel better about not helping.

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    • Jack says:

      What is an overpriced land line unit? I see land line phones at the thrift store.

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    • I didn’t have a phone when I was a single mom , it was more important to have heat and light . Priorities are messed up now a day with people who have a sense f entitlement . Work for what u want people !

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    • Lana Almaeva Lana Almaeva says:

      Andrea DelCol its 2017 without internet you got no job. without internet you are overpaying for food. And without internet you are wasting your time running around, when you could instead pick up an hour of work. Internet is not a laxury, it is as important as lights. Also many schools insist on internet use for homework for your kids.

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    • Tanita Faye Tanita Faye says:

      The job a person has typically will have internet access in one way or another, in an office. If not, the library offers Internet for very cheap maybe even free… a person with a cell can get data in their plan and these days lots of providers offer unlimited data plans, so they don’t have to get Internet through a provider. Meaning they could potentially not need Telus or Shaw for anything. Yes it’s not a luxury but the Internet is pretty easily accessed this day in age. And many businesses offer free WiFi. There’s coffee shops/cafe that offer their business specifically for Internet like gaming or socializing shops. Need I go on…

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    • Lana Almaeva Lana Almaeva says:

      That is exactly my point Tanita. Having a cellphone plan is cheaper than having internet and a land line like OP suggested. It is cheaper because it costs the same while saving time. Time costs money. A lot of money really if you value your time. I do.

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    • If you can’t afford $30 for birth control pills or a pack of condoms, then you sure as hell can’t afford a baby!! Internet at home IS most certainly a luxury and no public school demands internet access. And how in the hell do you figure you overpay for food without the internet? Ever hear of paper flyers and coupons? A person needs very little to survive… smart phones, internet, eating out and even a vehicle are all conveniences not necessities – 2017 or not.

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    • Lana Almaeva Lana Almaeva says:

      Tracey you can have one or the other – bcotrol or baby. There is no middle option. Abortion is a personal choice and you can not force people to do something like this just because they are poor. Superstore constantly rewards me for shopping online in free groceries, it also saves me 1.5 hours of my time, which again can be used to make money or to further save money by spending more time in my kitchen for some awesome meals. In the overall cost analysis, internet is cheaper than no internet.

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    • Marie says:

      Lana Almaeva December 14, 2017 at 11:46 am … to your response to: Andrea DelCol December 14, 2017 at 11:42 am …
      Lana, wake up girly … you seem to be lacking ‘comprehension skills’ … I would venture to believe Andrea DelCol is from a different (older) generation than yourself … ? … Does that help now in putting two and two together? Hope so

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    • No middle option? How about abstinance? How about pulling out? I won’t dignify your abortion comment with a response. I was a single working parent, a roof over our heads, food in my kids bellies, lights and heat were far more important than my “desire” for sex especially since I KNEW I couldn’t afford another child at that point. I had no internet and no cell phone because they were expenses that were unnecessary.
      Furthermore, my 19 year old son moved out on his own a year ago, found a job, walked for groceries, took a bus to and from work every day without the luxury of a cell phone or internet because when you NEED something badly enough, you find a way. And this sure as hell isn’t a generational issue… I raised all of my kids to survive without, just as I did at their age and just as you could too if you had to. It’s about hard work and priority.
      Everything you have countered with at this point Ms. Lana are nothing but excuses and entitlement.

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    • Lana Almaeva Lana Almaeva says:

      Tracey Friday-Reichle So sex is basically a luxury of the rich, not a normal physical need. I don’t make excuses for these people, I show understanding and compassion. try it

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    • LOL Sorry, I mistook you for a reasonable adult. You just keep getting more ridiculous. I now see, however, what you do with all the time you save having the internet. Thanks for clearing that up at least… 😉 Have a fantastic day!

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    • everyone knows pulling out prevents pregnancy LOL

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    • Lana Almaeva Lana Almaeva says:

      Tracey Friday-Reichle if being reasonable adult involves telling people that pull out is a method of bcontrol, then I don’t want anything to do with that.

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    • Tracey, it appears you haven’t had a child in elementary school in a while. Kids get behind now without internet. Free internet requires a device of some sort for access.
      Some of the comments are hardly thought out at all.

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    • I have a child in elementary school and one in high school right now and I work in public education. Devices are at school to use. Most elementary schools are even moving away from homework these days.
      All I hear is excuses. I have put 5 kids through public school with two still in it. Two of those are my own children, I’ve adopted or foster other children including special needs kids. Because compassion is beyond me apparently.
      By the way, if you talk to a doctor at any clinic in the city, they can direct you to free or subsidized birth control and plenty of places give out free condoms. Use one of those WITH pulling out and you are better protected. You’ve again intentionally been obtuse with the “pull out” suggestion. I know you are all smarter than that and you do yourselves a disservice to act or respond otherwise.

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    • My mom was a single mom working 3 jobs just to make ends meet. No income support or food bank as she was an immigrant. But now, she has a cell phone. She says she found her $35 per month plan is worth it because she saves $50-60 on coupons, online deals, price matching and time.

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    • Tracey while I agree with you about children being expensive (hence I have 2 and whether I want more or not, I will not have more because I cannot give them what I would like – financially or time-wise). However I don’t get paper flyers and the online deals I have are online only. I am considered fully handicapped so I work using internet. I buy 90% of things using internet and delivery because I can never drive again. I pay a lot for internet maybe but it is not a luxury for me. On that note I do support my family, I am not getting any poor me gifts or government support

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    • Oh by the way, please do not advertise the pulling out method. I already see that assumption in so many people. As someone who taught teens about birth control and abstinence, pull out method is NOT prevention of pregnancies and STDs. Note that on personal end, both of my children were conceived while I was on birth control. The IUD is 99% effective or less. Luckily we did want the children but I am just saying no birth control always works. Abstinence is the only choice. I will honestly say that rich or poor, people will have sex. I am not saying it in good way or bad, just that is reality

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  6. If a person swallows their pride and asks for help, the are already down…..let’s not kick them. YOU get to make the choice whether to help or not. If they don’t meet your “criteria” for being worthy enough, don’t help them. Keep your judgments to yourself

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    • Jack says:

      Incorrect. There are plenty of undeserving beggars out there who see the opportunity to make a buck off bleeding hearts.

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    • It has turned people into easy prey – people who I’ve seen on the internet asking for help yet they have selfies with their cell phones , fake nails and hair , yet they can’t provide for their children ? Priorities people ! I’ve been there as a single parent and I knew every year Christmas and birthdays came . I budgeted appropriately .

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  7. Jack says:

    You can get decent enough cell phone plans for only $25 too. You may not have all the data you want for playing face book and games online, however.

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  8. Marc Cornies Marc Cornies says:

    Someone failed reading comprehension in grade school. ^^^

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  9. I don’t see the arrogance in this post at all . Please specify .

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  10. Marc Cornies Marc Cornies says:

    Arrogance???? You take the stupid award for today. Congrats

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  11. Les Ley Les Ley says:

    the tone of this post screams superiority complex

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  12. Lyn Hessels Lyn Hessels says:

    Bottom line is anyone can ask for a handout.. rich or poor, lazy or ambitious. It’s up to the reader of these requests whether they want to give or not.

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  13. Pam Taggart Pam Taggart says:

    It’s easy to judge from the side. I have a hard time paying for the cell phone but if I don’t have it I lose my job. So it’s not a nice one. We have a car but it’s for my husband to go to work in and out of town. It’s a nice car but not fancy. I will even give up eating and sew up existing clothes to give my daughter what she needs. However, the reason I’m in debt is because of helping others. I don’t ask for anything but sometimes people could just be nice.

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    • If your job requires you to have a cell phone they should be paying for it.. that’s the law I think. The same as if they require you to wear a uniform.. they must pay for it.

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    • Stacy Lynn Stacy Lynn says:

      Not true for many jobs… I’m required to have a land line for my job (accredited Day Home) and although not required to have a cell texting is the primary way parents communicate with me both when I’m home and on outings with their kids. Also it’s best for emergencies. I pay for it but it is tax deductible

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    • It’s not law no. And I’ve always paid for my work outfits out of my first check not all companies supply them. I had to purchase coveralls for a job once with their logo stitched in that costed hundreds. No choice in the matter

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  14. Marc Cornies Marc Cornies says:

    Holy shit. What is wrong with these fake ass liberal commies on this page? This OP is probably the most intelligent, well thought, common sense poster to hit this ridiculous page in a very long time, and yet you loons that are giving them the gears need to check yourself. People are sick and tired of the rampant fraud in society these days perpetrated by these “helpless” souls.

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  15. Kristy Hedin Kristy Hedin says:

    Couldnt agree more

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  16. Tanita Faye Tanita Faye says:

    Yup. Yet those who ask ANY questions are the bad guy on the “handout posts.” Like how dare we question why a person is making $3500 a month yet has no Christmas for their kids. Or ask how come they’ve posted for free food for 3 months in a row. We are such horrible people. Even if we do give to charity and homeless, or help when it seems like an honest bump in the road. How wrong to sometimes question if a handout post is legit. It’s great to help and I hope people keep doing it but also, watch for red flags of people abusing and taking advantage of the system and generous hearts. People taking advantage of it and laughing afterwards is just as bad as a theif in my mind. Agree with you for the most part OP. There are people in genuine need or who have a temporary situation and those are the ones I’m happy to give a helping hand to.

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  17. Sometimes I think the best way to help someone is to pay for their vasectomy.

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  18. This person has never had nothing.

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  19. Jessie Anne Jessie Anne says:

    First of all…who the fuck even has a landline anymore and you sound like a judgemental asshole! Who are you to tell ppl what they can n cannot afford and what exactly designates someone’s need for help! I feel bad for anyone that ever asks you for help clearly you are not happy to help unless it’s on your terms and only if you think they deserve it…shame!

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    • Lots do I do I don’t have a cell phone I pay $10 bucks a month in a landline cheaper than a $80+ phone bill

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    • Essentially, don’t we all only help those we think deserve it? We all have our charities of choice. How do you decide who gets your money? You can’t help everybody or every organization. You have to make a decision some way. And lots of people still have landlines. Also, you are also being a judgemental assholes against the op just because you don’t like the way they vocalize their reasoning for helping others. Just wanted to point that out.

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    • Jessie Anne Jessie Anne says:

      Asshole Stacey I am only one asshole not many assholes n thanks I already kno what I am hun no need to point anything out

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    • Debbie Ward Debbie Ward says:

      We have a land line!!! Nothing wrong with it!!!

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    • I have a landline – $17 a month! Telus..

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    • Marie says:

      Jessie Anne – daahhh!
      Many people still have landlines (for reasons beyond what you can in all probability comprehend)
      We have two landlines as well a two cellular phones.
      Daahhh …
      And regarding OP’s decision/choice to help someone who they deem needs it … DEFINITELY on OPs terms (same as would be on my terms).
      Jessie Anne … you need an education. You probably need as job as well.

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    • I have a landline and would rather do without than ask for help from strangers on this page. And believe me I’ve been through tough times and NEVER asked for a handout

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    • Sharon Swan Sharon Swan says:

      I have a land line .. and cell for 35.00 ..

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    • Marie says:

      Shelley Pasini – December 14, 2017 at 5:45 pm —
      That’s because you have dignity Shelley! – I applaud you!
      Most everyone I know and have known throughout my life (self included) have gone through some seriously rough patches in their lives and managed (in time) to turn things around for the better.
      So I don’t feel an iota of compassion for many who post their woes publicly (on this page)… whether they’re honest posts or dipstick posts.
      So many people out there have no dignity whatsoever… and if they happen to be struggling they may well deserve to be in that boat for many have likely put themselves there to begin with.

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  20. James Musat James Musat says:

    Marc Cornies this is Alberta dipshit. Don’t need reading comprehension to make a decent living. Now get back down into that basement. Your mom wants to mop the floors!!!

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  21. I hope one day you don’t fall down on your luck and you need help and run into someone asking you personal questions like that… if you don’t want to help then don’t but don’t stick their nose in it and act like you are better than anyone else! Until you have been there you have no right to judge someone else’s decisions!

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  22. Marie says:

    Check mark!
    All good! Down to earth legitimate points expessed OP! I side with your thoughts 100% of the way!
    People need to ‘self-correct’ – change and adjust their lifestyle(s) all together.
    The saddest piece I often think about – is WHY do such people (so many people) continue to bring more children into this world, when they (both sexes), know darn well they cannot even look after themselves proper and they know (and they DO KNOW!) that they are irresponsible people. They live with themselves, therefore they DO know – – –
    My heart and empathy rests with those innocent children conceived by irresponsible adults and promiscuous adults and teens –
    Complete and total irresponsible human beings … being the reason societies (worldwide) are overburdened with impoverished peoples

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  23. Katie Pearse Katie Pearse says:

    whoa whoa whoa… Starbucks is worth every penny…

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  24. FFS. Out come the grinches. Here’s the thing: I have a feeling that anyone that knows you and how you feel, knows not to go to you for help. So since you’re not helping, just judging from your high horse, don’t let it bother you. It doesn’t affect you at all.

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  25. Marc Cornies Marc Cornies says:

    James Musat, Keep on truckin princess.

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  26. James Musat James Musat says:

    Let me guess, you have Jheri curls, an 8-track player blasting ABBA and tie die t-shirt on right??? Dipshit

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  27. James Musat you are probably right lol

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  28. Couldn’t have said it better myself~ I totally agree with the OP‼️

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  29. Kathleen Rae Kathleen Rae says:

    I agree I hate women asking for money when they have a smoke hanging out if their mouth and long manicured nails. Somebody making poor choices.

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  30. I couldn’t agree more. I see people who must have cell phones or internet asking for money. Get rid of the luxuries and maybe then ask

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  31. As a social worker I will say that posts like this are oppressive. Who made you judge, jury and executioner?

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  32. You should sell all of your belongings and only ever drink tap water before you are worthy of help. You don’t deserve to have a coffee in the morning.

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  33. And if you have more than one kid have you considered selling the least favorite one into slavery. Two birds…

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  34. I was always taught that God helps those who help themselves.

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  35. I think you can pull out a few threads from what OP is saying and a few threads from all the opinions. The valid threads. The rest is a toss.

    People have a right to ask for help. Maybe someone can see them as selfish or spoiled or lazy but that is an opinion. If someone wants to help, it is up to them.

    There are people who need help. Most don’t ask for it. Sadly. Their struggle goes on and on. But they are afraid of assumptions or judgement.

    I agree that when in hard times, it makes sense to cut things out. But basics to one person might be essentials to another.

    I have a landline and a cell phone. I need both for work or personal reasons. I have internet and consider it a basic need. FOR ME. I don’t drink or smoke but I have known someone that tried to save on food by smoking instead. Cutting things out needs to be done the right way. That, in my opinion, was not.
    Some people need something to look forward to – to get through the hard times, to keep going. Maybe their nails are expensive but maybe it is their survival technique. I have met many people that save up for a “reward” of new manicure or hair colour or new watch after months of struggling. Everyone has their own needs, reasons, and lifestyles. I am not saying any opinion is wrong or right. Just don’t assume before you truly know

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