How to handle a lie
I am extremely mad and hurt by my husband’s actions. I would be curious as to how others would feel. I am wondering if I am over reacting or if he is totally wrong.
And what that means to our marriage now.
My husband and I always agreed on finances. This was something I never had to think of. We are low income and we made sure to focus on budgets, covering bills etc.
Many years ago I bought him a camera. This was when we had better employment. It was one of the top cameras. (He needs one to do video recordings – for work).
Well that one died a while ago and he has been struggling to use it despite it shutting off and distorting images. We discussed that he needs a new camera. We agreed that we would look at different types, prices, maybe see if we can get a line of credit.
Yesterday a package is delivered and he bought a camera. I don’t even know it, I refused to really look at it for now. From a glance, the price is reasonable, the financing is not bad although I think we could’ve found a bit better.
But what I am mad at is that he went behind my back. I had a horrendous flu and he says he didn’t want to add more – I was already having a hard time with work, kids activities, and such being sick. So he picked up a camera, he went and filled out a loan application. In both of our names, while forging my signature. Since he couldn’t get a loan on his own, now I am stuck with a payment plan I never agreed to. I know he needs a camera for work. And he keeps saying I agreed to a certain budget (which is true) but I feel truly shocked at how he did it. He hid this from me.
It is our money and I feel he had no right to do it this way. This has never been how a marriage works.
Now he says he thought it is for his work and his decision what to get – then that doesn’t go with us looking at ideas and payment options earlier in Feb. And the way my name was added.
So now I am stuck with decisions to make. Do I make him send it back? We have a week to cancel since it is brand new never opened. But I know he needs one for work. Likelyhood is we’ll end up buying this one or something similar anyhow so the extra work seems dumb.
But not sending it back is a reminder for me how he went behind my back and broke my trust.
I feel that with a marriage, finances and other big topics like raising kids are big. That is something that you must be on the same page or marriage fails. I don’t know if I can forgive this or get past ot and he somehow seems to think an apology, admitting he screwed up should be enough.
The kids are away visiting grandparents so I have 3 days on my own. I have a friend who is out of town for vacation and I am staying on her couch for these 3 days while I think of what to do.
I can keep talking about this with him but I think now we are just repeating and going in cicles. Do I end my marriage over this? I saw a therapist who says he made a mistake, let it go and learn from it. I just feel betrayed to let it go.