SUBMIT A POST!

How to tell my spouse

I think I am ready to tell my husband it’s over. Every time I try, we end up giving it one more try. One more. One more. But it isn’t working and I hate seeing that look on his face, he looks so broken and he keeps telling me we are doing ok.

Maybe we are ok. But I am not happy. We have 22 years and 2 kids together. We own a business together. We are together almost all day but I feel like we aren’t a couple. I know things change with time. We are not hormone driven teenagers who couldn’t keep their hands off each other. But things are supposed to change a bit, not completely.

We are good work partners. I run the store and he does deliveries. We discuss work related issues only, because that is what work is about. At home, we plan our kids activities, budgetting, bills – and we talk about work.

We have been seeing marriage counsellor for 2 years now. We no longer have fun together. He plays video games in his spare time while I tried them and hate them. I enjoy reading, music, which he refuses to show interest. We worked on finding things to do together such as volunteering, paint nights – he hates every suggestion and even forgets to show up. He forgot to show up at the last 2 therapist appointments.

Date nights? Money is tight so I don’t expect lavish gifts. But just saying happy anniversary or a quiet dinner and netflix at home? He thinks we don’t need it. Because we are already together.
Most of all, we went from a great sex life to once every few months. And only because I initiate it.
He says he loves me, he finds me very attractive, we have a great life together.
But I just feel like we are partners, in work and in child raising. Romance isn’t there. Being a couple isn’t there.

STORY CONTINUES BELOW

I think it isn’t working. He says I want the impossible. Am I greedy? Do I break up a business and a family? I am so confused.

108 TOTAL READS
85 SHARES
57 COMMENTS



SOME RELATED POSTS:

57 Responses

  1. Show him what you wrote. Perhaps then he will get it.

    [0]
  2. Maja Black Maja Black says:

    You don’t have to break up the business too, a lot of exes run businesses together. If there is this much apathy then shouldn’t be too hard to run it

    [0]
  3. I agree, show him this. When partners lose the ability to communicate and be open and honest, intimacy suffers. If the romantic relationship is over hopefully you can move on and be great co-parents. Life is too short to not be fulfilled. Good luck.

    [0]
  4. so sad to hea after22 years, stay strong, he sounds like a good guy who loves you ,people go through stages in life be there for the next one

    [0]
  5. Sounds like he loves you and loves the idea of marriage, without putting in the effort. It also sounds to me like you are unsure ( a bit ) also, but your reasons are more practical. He’s refusing to see that there’s a problem. Maybe a temporary split will jolt him into action. If it doesn’t you know you made the right decision.

    [0]
  6. Grass is not greener on the other side !!!

    [0]
    • Duke Jackson Charlie can only water the dead grass for so long…

      [0]
    • People aren’t grass.
      Women deserve respect from their partners and this manbaby is standing her up for the things she plans.
      And actually most divorced women will tell you the grass is much greener when they have the time and space to take care of their own patch rather than the whole neighborhood. This man has no respect for her and we don’t give second dates to men who stand us up so there’s no reason to tolerate it now. His selfishness is all the proof she needs to give herself the space she wants.

      [0]
  7. Your couples counsellor will help you end things respectfully and in the best way possible if he’s willing to show up for that. I would make an appointment with them so they can help you through the process if that’s what you’ve decided.

    [0]
  8. That’s over and done with he’s being a married partner without doing the work of being a husband I would just end it The interests are lost you both like different things it’s like grinding nails on a chalkboard it’s not working it’s awkward I would MoveOn but truth be told grass is not greener on the other side but this doesn’t sound like the type of leaving each other for other people type of a relationship I would just say you’re both bored and waiting for each other to just finally be serious and end it

    [0]
  9. Talia Armani Talia Armani says:

    Were you in this position of thoughts and feelings this exact time last year?
    If you were, it’s time to end it.
    If not, see where you are a year from now.

    [0]
  10. Lois Sunley Lois Sunley says:

    mine did not even put in an effort so I left but to be honest I miss the history after 22 years there is a lot and hard to find someone to make new ones with I would show him what you wrote see if it can trigger something … he should try something you like who knows he might get into it and find a new game you might like to do I enjoyed the shooting ones with my last partner when I was upset burned off aggression 🙂

    [0]
  11. Kalon Taron Kalon Taron says:

    Sounds like your both over worked . Try taking a vacation somewhere and forgetting about work for a week or two .

    [0]
  12. Find some joy on your own. Plan a movie night. You tell him you’re going and invite him along. If he won’t go, go without him. Same with dinner out. Or a coffee/dessert during the evening. Or a long walk when spring comes. Invite him. If he doesn’t, go yourself and find joy in it. If he does, be joyful and thank him for coming along. He’ll either get on board, or you’ll have your answer after a few months.

    [0]
    • Doreen Hernandez Or go out to these things with your girlfriends and have a standing date for a great time. That’s what I did & he stayed home & happily watched TV.

      [0]
    • Lynne Snyder Smith that’s what I would do, too, but it sounds like OP is tight for money and it gives the husband an opportunity to be active in her life without the pressure of friends.

      [0]
  13. Rhey Stigoy Rhey Stigoy says:

    hope city church, in millwoods, you both need the missing piece of your marriage, GOD

    [0]
  14. This is exactly my husband and I a few months ago when our kids got older it was hard for us to find each other and even harder to be friends I ended up leaving but we did get back together therapy helped a great deal one thing in particular was knowing what we each wanted you have to know the answer to that we now hold each other accountable and keep each other in check and we are stronger than ever. You have to know what you want and make it clear what you need from him . Maybe it would work for you. Good luck to you both .

    [0]
  15. Khaled Ali Khaled Ali says:

    Relationships go through a lot of phases. The phase you are in now does not need you both to have similar interests. What you are missing with your current husband will likely not be found shall you commit to another relationship.

    How about you look on the brighter side of things, and be grateful that after 22 years your husband is not having an affair, not using drugs, and doesn’t have a gambling problem.

    [0]
  16. How on earth could anyone who knows you read this and not know its you. If this were me and these specific details ever got back to my husband in this way before I talked to him he’d be devastated.
    I feel for you. If he’s not willing to contribute to your happiness or grow with you, it’s time to move on.

    [0]
    • Kristen Smith really who cares!
      He knows they are in trouble he’s too scared to admit it!
      Maybe it would be good if he saw how unhappy she is.

      [0]
  17. Sue Topps Sue Topps says:

    Have you done therapy, given it all you got?

    [0]
  18. Watch the movie fireproof together. Its a wonderful movie.

    [0]
  19. Sadly that is married life. When people get comfortable something lacks. It’s not uncommon. You don’t have to do everything together. Maybe because you work together and are together all the time having alone time or individual hobbies is what he wants. That’s not wrong. You should too. Careful with this wanting more idea, you could be left with nothing at all. Make plans with your girlfriends ….. if he’s not interested in your stuff don’t make him. He’s not in denial everything is fine, you’re in denial things are not. Shit I’ll take him if you don’t want him lol like how you expect him to do things you like if you don’t like things he does. You kinda sound selfish not to be rude but you do.

    [0]
  20. Mj Mank Mj Mank says:

    Wow. I feel like he is in some stage of denial and is wearing his rose coloured glasses regarding your marriage. The more he denies the less he sees though his rose coloured glasses. It sounds like you want to Move on and out and he is not sure of much and maybe he is but still in denial. If your heart tells you you must leave because you have tried everything then leave you must just remember 22 years is a long time just to throw out. if there is a will there has got to be a way snd you both have to find that will together. Good luck.

    [0]
  21. Spending too much time together could be the issue. Nothing wrong with you going to enjoy your interests while he goes and does his.

    You’ll always meet back home. And maybe taking care of yourselves will bring you back together.

    [0]
    • S Chantal Knibbs I spend most of every day with my husband and he would never dream of treating me this way. Not showing up for plans? That’s just deplorable. You would never go on a second date with the guy that stood you up but once you have kids it’s too bad for the rest of your life? Nah.

      [0]
    • Well congratulations. Not everyone can handle being around each other all the time. OP said they work together. I assume you and your husband do not. So you have time apart during the day.

      [0]
  22. It’s totally ok to have different interests after many years of marriage. Go out & enjoy your interests with friends & family.
    If you feel good it will show in the marriage. It takes hard work. Who knows your husband might eventually join you.

    [0]
  23. Hr isn’t willing to do stuff you like and you aren’t willing to do stuff he likes, why should he do stuff you like when you won’t do things he likes, looks like a two way street to me

    [0]
  24. Shelley Dee Shelley Dee says:

    This sounds like a you problem . Marriage isn’t an option . You aren’t confused ; you are entitled . It quit being about you when you had kids . Your husband deserves better

    [0]
  25. Shawna Jones Shawna Jones says:

    If the two of you are no longer physically intimate on a fulfilling level, the marriage is over. If you are then the marriage has a good chance.

    [0]
  26. Cindy Rego Cindy Rego says:

    Read the book 5 love languages and figure out what each other’s language is. Start practicing them see if it helps. Good luck!

    [0]
    • Tracy Finch Tracy Finch says:

      Cindy Rego I was going to suggest that too

      [0]
    • Cindy Rego i agree and I Definitly suggest this book as well! U have a 22year investment, and honestly I would exhaust all resources before throwing in the towel on ur relationship. It’s easy for business and older children growing up moving out to throw a wrench into things

      [0]
    • Cindy Rego i agree and I Definitly suggest this book as well! U have a 22year investment, and honestly I would exhaust all resources before throwing in the towel on ur relationship. It’s easy for business and older children growing up moving out to throw a wrench into things

      [0]
  27. Have a question, would your views change if one of you were to all -of-a-sudden be diagnosed with Cancer?? Or if you were in an accident and he would have to look after you…would you be the first one there to help him out??

    [0]
  28. Graham Frost Graham Frost says:

    Man I duuno, sounds like a good life. You two own a buissnes, have kids and although money is tight you have made it work. I’m not judging you but maybe you just are in your own head about this. I’d love to own a buissnes and work with my wife, have a nice peaceful existence with a partner. Sounds like you found a good guy, he doesn’t hit you, cheat on you and works. That’s hard qualitys to find in men now haha.

    [0]
  29. Maybe you’re spending too much time together. If money is tight, maybe if one of you ran the business and the other got a job it would fix both problems. You would be helping with more income, and you’d each have different things to talk about at the end of the day. I love my husband and he loves me, but all day every day is a lot of together time.

    [0]
  30. He doesn’t sound like a bad person and neither do you. You need to give yoir relationship the attention it needs – otherwise you grow apart.

    This is about perspective. It still sounds like you have a foundation to work with – work on it.

    Some other posts are about cheating spouses, breaking the law, abuse, violence, poverty.

    Think about what you should be grateful for…. just sayin.

    [0]
  31. It’s ok to want to move on. If you’ve fallen out of love it’s rare to find it again. One life. Be true to yourself ❤️

    [0]
  32. Jeri Noyes Jeri Noyes says:

    Whats stopping you from doing what you want to do? Seriously, you think things will change because you are suddenly living alone … Go out and do what you want to do, do it on your own, be who you want to be. don’t wait for some drastic change, life is way too short for that … One last platitude, you are the only one responsible for your happiness, perhaps if you are truely happy, you may find the company that you truely seek

    [0]
  33. I think you already know the answer. Validation or not from strangers who know a snippet of your 22 years will not help. You only need permission from yourself to do what you need to do, whatever that is.

    [0]
  34. Jo Grenier Jo Grenier says:

    OMG it’s like I wrote that!!!
    Pls message me!!!
    I know what you’re going thru.

    [0]
  35. Beulah alliance church has just done a 4 week sermon based on relationships and marriage. This morning the sermon was so great, and really spoke to me with what my husband and I have been going thru. Whether you are spiritual or not, Christian or not… I would really like to encourage you to go to the website for Beulah alliance Church and watch the last four weeks of Sunday sermons. They put them on their website so people that were not able to attend in person can watch them. Whether you leave, or stay… Just hearing a different perspective might be nice… And while you will definitely hear scripture verses read and God will be spoken about, the heart warming parts of what they say speak hugely for anyone of any faith. Sometimes it’s not our spouse that needs to change but it’s us ❤️

    [0]
  36. Sounds to me like you have already made your decision, based from your pros and cons list. You need to find your own happiness. My own true from experience and IDGAF what anyone else thinks probable unpopular opinion is that – this is what fkn video games does to relationships. Men actually regress somehow & cannot grow up and see that they have real and documented potential to completely destroy a good union.

    [0]
  37. So when he says we don’t need it say ok “I NEED IT” and if we can’t compromise than I think, I need to leave. Dates and doing things fun together is important but if he can’t spare a little time for you then I agree, move on.

    [0]
  38. Seperate homelife from work.for god sakes think of your children.they come first in any relationship u are last husband second kids first.its up to you to save a 22 yr. Relationship, men are dumb .ice cream nite thats a good start

    [0]
  39. He’s being a lazy, selfish partner from the sounds of this. Not even respectful enough to show up for the things you plan. I bet this rolls over to household chores too.
    I don’t blame you. This is why so many women over 40 ask for divorces. You should not be a business partner and his caretaker. He clearly has no desire or plans to improve. You will be so much happier with your freedom and you have clearly truly tried. Don’t let him guilt you into wasting any more of your life putting his needs above yours, girly. Go live your best life.

    [0]
  40. Rob McBain Rob McBain says:

    Going gets tough the woman get going

    [0]

Join the Discussion!