I’m a failure of a wife
I’ve been with my husband for eight years and I’m still madly in love with him. I’m thankful for him and make it known. I do work full-time outside the home and we share equal weight in running our home. Team work!
Over the last several months I struggle with immense guilt and feelings of failure and shame. We came into this marriage blending two families with children on both sides. His were older than mine and he basically chose to start over again with helping raise mine as their father wasn’t active in their life. I equally worked on building a friendship and relationship with his kids.
The past several months we have been consumed emotionally and financially when my ex husband filed for custody of our children. The odds of anything happening is slim to none but we’ve still had to hire legal representation and it’s taken a toll of us financially.
I feel like I’m the problem in our marriage, as we had no real problems prior (we disagreed from time to time but never fought). My husband says he doesn’t resent me but savings accounts are being drained drained and credit cards maxed out to pay the mounting legal fees. (Tens of thousands thus far). I feel selfish admitting it but I miss our old life…. When we could afford weekly date nights, a yearly holiday as a family and a couple and when holidays weren’t consumed with the worry of the cost of it all.
My husband has made comments that I don’t doubt are not intentionally meant to be hurtful, but honest. He and his ex wife never struggled with money. Rarely spent anything and saved everything. They also weren’t happy but he felt financially secure as she made a 6 figure salary (as did/does he).
In our marriage, I’m starting to feel like I’ve let him down and I don’t know how to work past these feelings of inferiority. They’re my children but he makes substantially more than me and it’s his hard earned savings being drained. (We qualify for no type of legal aid or subsidies). He says we will get thru this all and be stronger but I’m afraid of him leaving when it’s over because of the stress this has put us under.
I don’t know what I’m looking for by writing this. I just feeling alone and fearful….. fearful that someone is trying to take my kids when I never denied visitation and he was absent for many years. Fearful that my husband will see this as too much and cut his losses. Fearful that I’m slipping into a dark despair and I can’t see any way out.
I am extremely sorry to my husband. I never meant to let him down.