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Is this normal?

Long post sorry. So, i’m 34 years old now. And I have no idea what to do with my life. I am a happy mother. Moneys not too tight, we’re not in debt, I have a good relationship with my family and we love helping people in the neighborhood who seem to need a hand of some sorts (carrying groceries, crossing the street or just an ear to listen etc etc).

Yet I find myself sitting and thinking about maybe meeting someone for a possible relationship. Then I also think “wait!, i’e forgotten how to go about even being in a relationship, about keeping one”.

My last fiancé left me to be with his married gf, all the time we were together, even meeting my family, planning for the future and such, and he up and leaves me when I found out he had a gf in another city. That was several years ago now. Lately I’ve been dating guys where I paid for the whole date, and he expected sex. Or guys who think i’m going to wait around for years on end for them to make up their minds what they want out of “us” I don’t really have time for that anymore. I dated someone off and in for 4 years, I called it quits, I became upset because in all that time he refused to meet my family and me to his. He had no interest in having children. At my age, I don’t want a relationship just for fun or casual sex. It was fine when I was 23 but not now. He wouldn’t even go out anywhere, just wanted to stay home. To me, no dates means no sex. You cant expect a girl to give it up all the time if you don’t treat her for a nightout once in awhile. So 4 years later, with no marriage and no children. I gave up on him. he still calls and texts wondering why I never respond, and I never will.

The guys I consider meeting for coffee now, don’t want coffee and companionship, they want Netflix and chill. Even men in their 40’s. And sorry i’m not interested in that. I want a coffee date in a public place, maybe dinner, lets walk along whyte ave or something and just chat. But it seems that’s too much to ask for nowadays. I’m a very cynical female. I know when I’m being buttered up for sex and I wont have any of it, I want a connection, I want to fall In love first, I want my family to meet him before we decide to start having sex.

Being plus sized doesn’t seem to help even though I don’t mind my weight, seeing as how i’m harder to kidnap and all.:(. Am I normal, am I unrealistic?. Are normal dates and relationships out the window unless one is a 5’7 120 blonde girl who is a lawyer or a doctor nowadays?.

STORY CONTINUES BELOW

Instead, i’m a plus sized brunette who enjoys eating Nutella on croissants who spends more time baking for my coworkers than I do at the gym, listening to queen, hanging out with my small family, reading a book, and playing age of empires or the sims 3.

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13 Responses

  1. Jody Mitoma says:

    Don’t bother with relationships, the other person will always break your heart. Ketamine, on the other hand, ketamine will never break your heart. Stop trying to find that special someone, find some Special K.

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  2. Dating sites are breeding grounds for cheap sex and esteem killing. Get friends to help you find someone to hook up with. I’m horizontally enriched and I’ve dated hotties most my dating days. I am marrying my crush of 23 years. I’ve done the internet dating and it’s so bad. Dogs galore…. good luck

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  3. I say if you are happy with who you are dont change just to gain acceptance from others. Amd dont settle!! As you are still young.. know your worth!! My advice… indulge in activities that you enjoy.. with friends or family. The right guy will be worth the wait. Big hugs.. know its hard to put yourself out there and not see results but dont look at it that way ~ you are enjoying your family.. your friends.. your happiness without settling. Stand tall!!

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  4. consider what type of person you want to be with. Consider what qualities you put out there that may make them think that you are even for a second okay with the crappy dating they do. Somewhere in there may be the answer to changing what you want out of a relationship. My son has dated many girls like you describe yourself to be. The problem is, we could shoot solutions and ideas your way all day but not knowing you there is not much that can really be said. Do you meet these guys while hanging with a bestie who can cover your back and read the “get me out of here” looks you shoot her? There are many different things that make a difference.

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  5. LuckyMe Chan LuckyMe Chan says:

    I dont remeber where I read this but there are 3 solutions to a problem. Firstly, can you DO anything about this issue? Is it stemming for your self esteem? Could you get a haircut and feel more attractive? Is it the gym? Secondly, with any problems, you can compromise to it, maybe i need to be more lenient when it comes to dating. Thirdly, acceptance, if there is nothing you feel in your power you can do abuot this issue, learn to love who. But i think there are always things ppl can do and they just dont seem to do it 🙂 good luck

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  6. Jen Pratt Jen Pratt says:

    This is the way dating is on sites. So don’t do sites. Find an interest or two, and go do that. Enrich your life with a cooking class, a pastry class, a pottery class, a paint night, qigong or tai chi, a walking group, hang out in a bookstore, learn how to weld. Go airsoft shooting. Whatever. You will probably find that it’s when you aren’t looking, that you find what you need. The actual nice guys that I know aren’t on dating sites. They rely on friends to set them up or to meet them organically.

    And if you want a relationship, not casual sex, put that on the table in the first place. Weed out the quitters before you even step out of the door.

    It’s not wasting time to work on yourself either. Have honest conversations with the women in your life and get their honest thoughts about what they see of you, and how you can be a better person. Don’t be hurt by their answers. You cannot grow if you are not honest with yourself. You said you forgot how to be in a relationship, but friendships are your best relationships. They may have insights that you cannot see. Hurt people, hurt people. So you may have issues that are closing you off to other people. I had one “friend” who was so bitter and angry at life that she was just toxic to be around and she didn’t seem to have any idea. Another talked about sex in such a way that everyone knew exactly what she’d do in bed and did it. And then ran. These are extreme examples, of course, but friends see more than you might think. They may see a negative mindset at times, depression that you think is hidden, a penchant for drama, a critical tongue, a tendency to emasculate, or even just being a bit too agreeable, etc.
    We can all do things like this, sometimes. I do. Being able to see it, means that I can work on it. My hubby is a forgiving soul, fortunately. And a lot of my issues stem from hormone problems and anxiety. Maybe check out if you have issues like that too. Try the Canadian Thyroid Support group if you think you might have problems that the doc has not caught.
    It can be a life changer to get optimal.

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  7. I’d date you if we could play sims 3 all day together

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  8. I think you are normal. I’m plus sized and have met decent men.

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  9. For what it’s worth: Age of Empires = solid game choice. Much respect!

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  10. Omg this is speaks to me… too many bad date stories to tell.. happy with who I am … just would love to share it with someone special… they are few and far between…. sadly I feel it is becoming the new norm.

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  11. You are very brave to be so vulnerable on this fb page! So that alone says alot about your character. Stay strong…the right man will come along., and if he doesn’t be o.k. with that too…

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