DYK Post

Just venting

So, I try to leave my abusive alcoholic boyfriend. We have a young daughter. I have been a stay at home mom.

I went to Alberta Works for help. They are willing to help me, but they are giving me less than what I pay for rent. I live in a three bedroom suite, as I have three children (two others live with me part time). They tell me to downsize and lessen the little time I get with the other two children until I can afford a bigger place again. Which is unlikely with a single income, frankly. And any place I downsize to will have a lease. So I would be giving up seeing my older children for a longer period of time.

If he gives me any money for child support, they will deduct that dollar for dollar.

I am to look for a job. That’s fine. I am restricted by day care hours, so it’s hard to find a job. And it’s surprisingly hard to find a job. I’ve been looking Since february.

Since I don’t even have enough money to pay my rent, I haven’t been able to pay my phone bill….no phone makes it a little hard to get a job.

I also don’t qualify for subsidy for child care because as a household, last year we made too much.

The food bank can only help once a month. I can’t afford to feed us all on what I get for CCB, as some of that also goes to my rent.

I am unable to stay with family for a variety of reasons, from too little space, to allergies to pets.

I take medications. Am unable to pay for that.

I have nothing to sell. No car. Nothing like that.

This leaves me little choice. How am I supposed to make my situation better? I don’t want long term assistance. I’m just needing to be able to live while I get on my feet.



51 Responses

  1. It is very frustrating and quite lacking in resources for women fleeing abuse in this province.
    Apply for subsidized housing. They have a points system that may be helpful to you. Also apply for their rent subsidy. Google Capital Region Housing “Rent Subsidy” and “Points System”
    Budget minus the child support so that you’re not depending on how Income Supports will treat it. If there are fluctuations in what you get, it may worth considering removing that from your monthly budget.
    Daycare – Perhaps try applying for daycare subsidy with a letter explaining your current circumstances. Include any proof of your current and future financial situation for their consideration and perhaps see if your MLA is able to intervene, write a letter on your behalf. There are some overnight daycares. Perhaps day homes may have more flexibility. Most daycares provide care during “regular” working hours.
    Rent / Housing – Get a two bedroom or 1 bedroom even. Sleep on a pullout couch in the living room. Can you get a roommate? Find a single parent to live with where you try to share childcare so that each other can work.
    Medications – Apply for the Alberta Adult Health Benefit, include your notice of assessment and again, a letter with supporting evidence of your current financial status (bank statements etc.).
    In addition to the food bank, consider the WeCan Food basket. Also, ask the food bank where they redirect people who need more than what they can give.
    Get a student loan and return to school to increase your marketability in an area that pays.
    Call the shelters and further discuss what your options are.
    Contact the Today Centre and see if they are able to help.

  2. Bullshit. Alberta works will give 1000 as Flee money for leaving an abusive relationship. On top of that, they will give you almost 1000/mth because you have a child in your custody. If you cant find a way to make a life for your kids, well, I can see why you dont have your other two. Drop the lameass excuses & be a fuckin mother.

  3. Darren Buck Darren Buck says:

    Pull out couch for when the kids are visiting,air mattresses, 3″ foam from Army Navy. Just some suggestions. Make it like a campout when they visit.

  4. April Lovett April Lovett says:

    You will need to find a cheaper place to rent. Kids can share a room. You dont need a room, sleep on couch.

  5. Kim Schindel Kim Schindel says:

    If you’re being abused a bachelor suite with 10 kids is better than staying where you are. High horse or nah? Entitled? Pick your priorities please

  6. Cindy Rego Cindy Rego says:

    Rent a basement suite temporarily. Babysit for nurses who work the night shift, that way you can still sleep while kids are sleeping. If you can’t find full time work part time. Walk peoples dogs or clean houses. As a single mom we do what we have to. Best of luck. You can do this!!

  7. It sounds to me like you are making excuses. Downsize. Especially if you don’t have your other kids full time you don’t need a 3 bedroom place. Nothing is permanent and you can find a new place after things start looking up if you want to. Any fast food restaurants hiring are usually very good about working with mothers schedules. As for subsidy, you apply and when/if they deny you, you pick up the phone and call a worker and explain to them what is happening and why you need a subsidy. Same with grocery stores. Learn the bus routes. It doesn’t take long. Apply for the government benefits to cover your medications. Use WECAN for food. There’s pick up depots all over the city so it’s not hard to get to them. Pay once a month and pick up once a month. Ask churches around you if they have programs to help. Some may have bread from bakeries you can take free.
    I left my husband and only had a part time job making $1010 a month after taxes. I had a young daughter. We moved to a 1 bedroom apartment, I was able to pick up extra hours and maximize my use of the daycare. It sucked leaving her there all day sometimes but being able to pay my bills and buy food was what I had to do. Call your phone provider and ask for the cheapest possible plan. Tell them a little about the situation and they’ll help, they don’t want to lose a customer. A lot of this requires picking up the phone and calling people, and hitting the pavement and talking to people. It’ll take some work but if you want to be out you can be and in the end it will be worth it.

  8. Just have your other kids over alot they don’t have to sleep there

  9. Call 310-1818 they can help.

  10. Dario Tomada Dario Tomada says:

    there’s lots of us single parents that make it..because we get off our ass and work hard. If we all can do it, so can you. Be glad as a woman, you have tons of agencies that are willing to help. Most men have no help at all, zero…and we are often looked at like we did something wrong. You were a stay at home Mom, must be nice to have all that time with your kids. Yes you will have to downsize and make sacrifices. Yes, we all did. Quit pretending your so special that you should have all your bills paid for you. Your not a stay at home Mom anymore, like it or not. Get out there and get a job, just like the rest of us.

  11. Linda Riley Linda Riley says:

    Old person input here. Downsize… my cousins lived in a 1 bedroom house with a kitchen/living room combined and 6 kids. 3 to a bed. It also had a small addition where the deep freeze was, with a double bed for mom and dad. That was normal then. Your kids will survive. Cosleep with the youngest one.

  12. P.m me i may know a few places assist with employment and are willing to work around day care hours

  13. You should be able to get out of your lease to get a smaller place some of the kids may have to share bedrooms but that’s just for now until you can get on your feet.

  14. Apply with edmonton housing and like others have said, you must downsize and make sacrifices, contact cra about your child tax and the other family subsidies, call 211 and get the numbers for the various agencies and charities out there to support you.

  15. Penny Miller Penny Miller says:

    But you are single now….welfare…and go see a lawyer…Legal Aid.

  16. I call b.s when I left an abusive relationship alberta works and victim services helped me and my rent was 1650 I had enough for rent and extra…why? Because I went through the right steps by getting an emergency protection order and victim service. I got help from ctv’s good neighbor fund and with my child tax. I had more money without him than with him. Go to brownlee building and get an epo!

  17. Might as well stay then, you’ve found every possible roadblock for every route out. So guess your stuck till you leave in a body bag! If your serious about leaving you’d go to any length to leave whether there was a road block or not! What are your kids learning and living with? Sorry you choose this sad existence, one can only pray you see the light before it’s too late!!

  18. Tina Jarvis Tina Jarvis says:

    Ask them if they can get you into Lives in Transition program

  19. Work at a day care, Go back to school the student loan will cover your needs, Get a lawyer and child support will help. Go to a safe house

  20. I don’t know all the resources but with daycare, wouldn’t you file as separated? That means you can get subsidy. You can go for a dayhome instead that takes subsidy, someone that can do hours outside of 7 am-6 pm. That would work for that issue.

    Your Child tax benefit would go up.

    You can get a phone line for $10 a month. It’s a text app, it lets you call and receive calls and texts within Edmonton (no long distance I believe). At least that’s a start.

    It is hard and scary but abusive situation is bad on you and your kids. Downsizing to 2 bedroom would help you. If you have no credit, go with private landlords and once you are better on your feet, you can add what you need.

    Income support would cover your basic health care including medications.

    You can find a furnished place as well.

    There is a lot of resources for leaving an abusive spouse. I just don’t kkow them. My mom left my dad but we were immigrants and not aware of anything available, not even food bank. A few years on the streets or having 5 people in one room (one couch). It is tough for sure but when you make it, you will know you did the right thing for yourself and your kids

  21. This is a situation that is far too common these days. I know many that have took 3 children full time, young ones at that, and relocated to 1 bedroom, as that what was affordable. Was is unfortunate is that you’ve been dependent on your partner for so long. Clearly, this has been ongoing, but you’re finally brave enough to take next steps.
    The struggle will be incredibly real, but long term, it will pay off in spades. Abuse and discontent in relationships cause devastating results to the mental health of you, and especially, your children.
    I was a single mom who gave up on the abuse. It was tough. 7 buses & 3 trains a day to get to daycare and work. It was tough, I admit, but once you adjust, it’s natural and part of life.
    I was fortunate as I did have a good job, but daycare alone was 1100 for 2. You make due however you can. Meal planning, grocery sales, trade sites for clothes, etc. Churches and downtown locations offer hot meals daily. There are a ton of resources out there.
    Child Tax and other benefits will change in your favour, unless you’ve been fraudulent in reporting your previous status.
    I’ve heard of many that contact their MLA to assist in relocations and assistance with such.
    Good luck mama. Take pride in the fact you are making the steps to a better life ❤

  22. Megan Riggs Megan Riggs says:

    Downsize! It’s not gunna kill ya. Look at the big picture it’s a temporary inconvenience for a life long freedom doll. Wish you all the best. Tough times breed tough people.

  23. Pm me and I can steer you in the right direction of resources. There is a financial literacy course you can take where you get educated on handling money after leaving an abusive relationship. You make goals and they will match savings you put in to use towards what you need like a computer etc. There is also a program called lives in transition where they will help you to transition into the workforce by providing training. It is also for women who left abusive relationships. Although foodbank is once a month, many churches offer food as well. Maybe try finding a female roommate and get a place together and split the rent. Look into subsidized housing. Do what you have to do to be safe.

  24. Sonja Nicole Sonja Nicole says:

    Leaving an abusive relationship is the hardest part. It takes a strong person to be able to stick up for themselves and leave. You can do this. It totally sucks to downsize but if it keeps your kids with you then worth it. Go on the buy and sells sell things you haven’t used in a while. Ask friends if you can sell their stuff and take a percentage. Access catholic social services and regular social services. People will help you. But most of all believe in yourself. It’s crappy now but it’ll be worth it in the end.

  25. Ashley Marie Ashley Marie says:

    You can do this! It isn’t going to be easy, but you can definitely do it. You can get support from Alberta Works to help cover your medications, and for your kids as well. You should be able to speak to subsidy program about your situation and still get some help there. Regarding the living arrangement I have known families of 4 to live in single bedroom apartments temporarily to flee abuse, and st Vincent de Paul Church can assist with any furniture you may need to help set up (perhaps bunk beds and a pull out sofa bed for yourself). In the meantime you can get yourself on a list for subsidized housing and capital region housing. Find an agency (ie bent arrow, catholic social services, etc) that has an employment centre where staff can assist you with your resume and do some research to improve your interview skills – there are jobs to be had here. Explore your network for a babysitter that will allow you to pick up a second job if needed. This current circumstance will not be forever, but the discomfort and hard work is an important and necessary part of keeping your children safe. I saw some screenshots commented for how to get free food in Edmonton in addition to food bank, and there is also we can food baskets. Lean on your network as much as you need to, hopefully they will see that you are working very hard to do the right thing and keep your children safe and they may be willing to help with other areas than just a place to stay. Lastly, if you are still finding it impossible, you can get support from children’s services – a little advocacy from a social worker there to get you increased supports can go a long way – but prepared that they will fully expect you to follow through. Best of luck to you!

  26. Ashley Cragg Ashley Cragg says:

    Sounds like a lot of excuses to be honest. If he’s abusive you need to leave and it will be hard and you will have to sacrifice but it can be done. My mom was a single mom of two and worked multiple jobs and somehow made it work. Downsize to an apartment for now. Call and talk to them about subsidy after you’ve filed as single. You don’t have to sacrifice time with your older kids. But they may have to all share rooms for a little while until you’ve saved for something bigger. You can get some assistance to go back to school and train for a higher paying a career. There’s lots of things you can do with a two year or less program. Nobody will tell you that it will be easy but for the safety of your kids you make it work and be grateful that Alberta works is there to offer any help at all.

  27. All I seen was excuse excuse excuse I live in a 3 on income support you should go to lives in transition you should explain you need more than what your receiving no child support wont go to you it will go to the queens bench seriously stop making excuses no one but you is making yourself stuck.

  28. I wish you all the best but where there is a will there is a way. You must be willing to help yourself where you can. Downsizing does not mean you can’t see your kids. Take a breathe and re evaluate. I think your getting way ahead of yourself and seeing a dark side to everything. I do not mean to be blunt but sometimes it the only way.
    Its a hard world this I know.
    You’ll be surprise how things change around when attitude changes
    Best of luck to you and your kids

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  30. You can try Catholic Social Services as well. They may be able to help you with some of the transitional costs.

  31. Skye Brown Skye Brown says:

    You can get subsidy for daycare. Once you no longer are with him, they will reassess your taxes to your income alone after 90 days. This will also increase your ctb.

  32. So sorry. Do you need a hug?! Holy fuk if ur still breathing keep fighting.buse ur smart I am a victim. A victim of circumstances..the day I felt I had to leave my child to get away from him.. as the mother I wud lay down and die so they can live. Takin too many beats. What do I need to do so I don’t kill him oh yeah.another story…came home one day and said. I want you to leave today. And I’m ready to battle. I’ll put in terms u can understand..calm cool and collected he left. Identity the problem and problem solve. I was the for 16 yrs and took 10 to get out..gluk

  33. Erin EC Erin EC says:

    Go back to school and get yourself a career. Medical receptionist makes good money plus benefits. I think that program is only a year.

  34. You can get subsidy for daycare.

  35. Nicola Robak Nicola Robak says:

    it’s hard but let me say before welfare and all these agencies that give women managed well end up with a socialist agenda people need to be responsible I’ve been where u r like millions of others single moms and all managed to survive and get along with asking for handouts u can do it girl u just have to believe u can

  36. Sam Douglas Sam Douglas says:

    Oof. Hand over your other kidlets to their baby daddies until you get your immediate poop in a group.

  37. You need to saying ” I can’t cause you can .

  38. Like they said. Downsize. It will suck for sure but you might have to 1 bedroom for a while and set up sleeping in the living room.

  39. Julia Bryce Julia Bryce says:

    many people have 3 children and have a 2 bdrm. place. (you can sleep on the couch if need be) and let your kids have the rooms. Or share a room with one of the children. I wish you well. Good luck.

  40. Better to all be safe and healthy . So you have to downsize for awhile. There bunk beds . People that aren’t in an abuse relationships live with less and are living a happy life . You need to stop thinking about material things they can always be replaced but your life and children can’t. Get out

  41. Andreia R-ib Andreia R-ib says:

    it is hard, that’s for sure. I know that there are texting apps that allow you to make & take phone calls while on wifi. I hope this helps. If need be, take a 2 bdrm apartment, even if it’s for 1 yr. You have to make do. Are you able to babysit for others or do small jobs to earn a bit of cash? Also, call subsidy and explain that your situation is different this year. AB works is tightening their purses it seems, as many people have experienced similar to you. Good luck, I know this transition period is very very tough

  42. Talk to Alberta works about the benefit card. To cover the costs of your medications for the time being. It doesn’t help the entire situation but It will help with the cost of your medications

  43. Sarah Radley Sarah Radley says:

    So many people in the same situation ! They don’t make it easy because they want you to figure it out for yourself but I get the frustration and it’s sad . To many people take advantage and ruined it for people who actually need help . Stay strong ! I know st Vincent church also help with food , furniture and utilities if your given disconnection notices .
    Praying your situation changes .

  44. If you left abusive situation which achocol is you should get 1000 dollars fleeing abuse ask about that!

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