I love you so much it hurts.

I’m still in love. We haven’t been together in over 5 years. I saw you for the first time today in 5 years. Your smile, your laugh, even just your voice, it gave me butterflies. You were my first love, my only real love I knew. Other men have come and gone in those 5 years but yet I have thought about you every single day of my life. You weren’t a good boyfriend, constantly disrespecting me, ignoring me and getting in trouble. In return I became a bad girlfriend, I started to get jealous easy and insecure.

I saw you today and it took my breath away with the man you’ve become. A part of me is so proud that you grew up and settled down, your baby is only a few months old but you look like a great dad. And then the other part of me is so sad that I never got to see the good side of you, I only got the bad years of you. You’ll never know that I’m still in love with you and would give anything to be with you.

My worst fear is that I will spend the rest of my life the way I have for the past 5 years, thinking about you every single day. I wanted so bad to ask you for a hug tonight. Just to have you close to me for that one moment.



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