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Need Advice

Well I meant my “husband”five years. Ago married for two now. Over the years I have seen things on his phone texting or msgs on Facebook or going on Craigslist msg Escorts. Sending photos and dirty talk. I’ve confronted him every time and it has hurt so much. I told him last time I caught him you do it one more time that’s it where DONE.

Well I caught him again on Craigslist I know for a fact he don’t have money to spend on that shit !!! I also changed his password and found that he submitted a ad in 2014 for a side girl.., which I was pregnant then. And again July 2014. When are kid was three months.

I’m so torn. It’s been three weeks of being angry hurt. Him sleeping on couch. So finally I decided to talk and told him I’m fed up and don’t know what to do right now we are getting along because we had another child.

He’s now back in bedroom. But i just can’t move past this. I can’t say love to him I’m feeling depressed down. And horrible about what to do.

Any advice where I can seal a counsellor that’s FREE

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65 Responses

  1. If you call 211 they can give you some numbers for no or low cost/sliding scale counselling.

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  2. Kayla Rose Kayla Rose says:

    Ywca will subsidize if you’re low income… tbh.. it won’t stop until you put your foot down and kick him tf out! Children or not, he’s taking advantage of the fact that you keep letting him back.

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  3. My ex did this. To be fair i didnt find out till a year later…but you leave. Alberta works can help you with a damage deposit if you dont have a job. Trust me…you sure as fuck dont NEED him. and you sure as hell shouldn’t want someone like that. Im sorry to say…but he doesnt love you and life is too short to be with someone who doesnt love you. Im sorry…but no amount of counselling will fix this and id bet my life on that

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  4. Don’t give ultimatums that you aren’t willing to enforce. He has just gotten away with it, and he won’t quit. No consequences

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  5. Heidi Cheung Heidi Cheung says:

    Leave him. You deserve better.

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  6. Angie Ransom Angie Ransom says:

    A man(or any human)will treat you exactly how you let him.
    He knows if he cheats,you’ll forgive. So he doesnt have to stop doing it. It’s not gonna lose him anything. He can have his cake and eat it to.

    My man knows if he cheats,he’ll be moving in with his dad that very day. I don’t play that way. I’m more worthy then that.
    Just like YOU are more worthy then that. If a man is stepping out on your relationship without your permission(as some relationships allow side pieces)then he doesn’t respect nor love you truly. So why you staying?

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    • Alexis Musik Alexis Musik says:

      The fear of the unknown! I wish I read your comment years ago ❤️

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    • Then this is the year don’t look back. I just celebrated 22 years of putting out my ex. Married 12 years when he starred prancing around. I had 4 kids under 10 years old. Enough was enough. Hardest but best thing I ever did! Look forward not back.

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    • Angie Ransom Angie Ransom says:

      The unknown shouldn’t be scary tho. Life is one big unknown thing. Cuz you don’t know what tomorrow brings period.
      I was “lucky” tho. My very first serious relationship was a doozie. He was an unemployed,drug addict(that I financed) and abusive. Lasted 5mths. I didn’t wanna leave cuz I didn’t wanna be alone anymore. Then my momma got me a job outta province with my bro,saying he needed help with my neice coming soon,and got me outta dodge.
      After that, I don’t take no shit now. But thankfully I found my silver lining. He’s a wonderful man who wouldn’t dream of doing anything to hurt me.
      He knows my worth,and respects it.
      But I’ve always told him to,or he’d lose me. I don’t play games anymore. The unknown don’t scare me and I’m not scared to be alone anymore..

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  7. Jen Pratt Jen Pratt says:

    Kick him to the curb. There’s no sense in uprooting your children. Wait ‘til he leaves and have the locks changed.

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  8. Go for couples counselling ….do what you can to make it work for your family…so if you have to walk away ..you can tell yourself you did everything to make it work …

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    • Are you off your rocker?? Do it for the family? Is he cheating for the family? Was he making side girl profiles on Craigslist for the family? Why do some women have to make it work for the family when the men don’t have too?

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    • There are always 2 sides to any story….

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    • So your saying the cheating is justified if his story is valid? Cheating is unacceptable no matter what the 2 stories are. If your going to cheat end the relationship first! Oh wait where’s the excitement in that?

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    • Cheating is never justified….it is up to the person asking for advice, it is her choice ultimately.

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    • I think Rebekah Dolly M is trying to give the woman options since she clearly is torn and still wants to make it work. She specifically said it’s a last resort to know you did everything. I think her advice is thoughtful of ensuring no later regrets. Cheating is wrong. Always. But it isn’t your place to tell people how they have to feel or react in their relationship. The OP asked for advice and Rebekah gave her some.

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  9. Debbie Ward Debbie Ward says:

    Just don’t bring anymore children into this world. Why do you think a baby will help things – it never does and just adds more to the misery.

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  10. Lisa Lutz Lisa Lutz says:

    Adios, cheater!

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  11. Felicia Rene Felicia Rene says:

    See a councillor for yourself. Time to pack it up and cal it a day. Why continue down a failing path? What do you gain from all the hurt, stress and anger? No one deserves that. Do yourself a favour and end it.

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  12. I promise you he will never ever stop. Most of the men on apps and online are in relationships and I know serial cheaters in long term committed relationships that still jump on any side chick.

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  13. Evan Marcoff Evan Marcoff says:

    Leave him. He’s trash.

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  14. You need to move on. It will never stop. I’ve been there and trust me he will never change. For your sanity and your kids sake, move away

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  15. Walk away.. He’s to far gone to fix. You have let him get away with it for to long. There are services out there that can help you get a new start. He’s been doing it since 2014 if not longer.

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  16. Debbie Ryder Debbie Ryder says:

    Either accept it or kick his ass to the curb. He won’t stop

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  17. Leave and then instead of being depressed all the time you can die of laughter. It’s fucking hard, scary and depressing at first to leave but you get stronger and you get used to it. Believe me. Been where you are, started out again with zero. It sucked. But you will not regret it one bit. You deserve it. Someone else will see your worth.

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  18. Pearl Moore Pearl Moore says:

    If your going to go to the trouble of getting Married then yes, trying to save it is an excellent idea…however I wouldn’t suggest counselling cause no third person really knows better than you what you must do; you must decide for yourself, are you willing to forgive, forget and move on or not; if you cannot…then don’t BUT move on; life is too short to keep repeating one’s mistakes and REMEMBER you can always get another HUSBAND 🙁 instead you NEED to LOVE yourself for YOU and always PUT your kids FIRST, MEN come and GO…but your responsibility is to your KIDS 🙂

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  19. Cindy Dato Cindy Dato says:

    Seriously? Not to be mean, but if he is looking elsewhere he’s not worth it. Why bother changing pass words, he is not going to change for you, no matter how hard you try. I would rather be alone and Happy then be with someone who makes you miserable. When he is at work, go through the house and take all the valubles out, including jewerly. Their are plenty of fish in the sea. Your worth more than your husband can see.

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  20. Rowena Eger Rowena Eger says:

    If you don’t leave and learn to stand on your own,you will only teach your children to be doormats! He may change,but you’re a mother now and your priority is parenting your children,that starts by living by example!! This is so sad,but you are worth more,don’t be afraid to find that out!

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  21. Yuck those kinds of guys will bring you home a nice juicy STD. Get as far away from him as you can. There are amazing men out there dying to find a loyal girl, kids or no kids. Stop doing this to yourself. He won’t change.

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  22. Kris Grewal Kris Grewal says:

    Kick him to the curb!!! Once a cheater always a cheater!!!!

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  23. Jocelyn Bear Jocelyn Bear says:

    The only thing he’s ever going to change is his story, his reason, his passwords. You know what you deserve and if you need his support financially-take his ass for spousal support and child support if you can. Believe in yourself, sometimes we don’t give ourselves enough credit. The extra help might make your life easier with small ones right now but in the long run-you’ll pay for it with your sanity and your spirit. Little by little, if you stay with him, you’re going to turn into someone you won’t like. Is he really worth that? If you think he is, YOU are too! Your kids need you to be the best that you can be and they’re going to watch you. They might be non verbal but they feel everything.

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  24. My ex had three affairs. I thought I could make it work after the first two. But no, so I took the two kids and left. Made a new life and so can you. It’s hard to recover from and never the same again. When trust is gone in any relationship…let it go!! Call Alberta Works!!

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  25. Angela Budd Angela Budd says:

    AEP Alberta employment program. If you don’t have benefits through work or are maxed out you cab get additional counselling through them. That’s what we are using right now. For the same thing. Almost. Or you can use Mental health.

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  26. He clearly doesn’t give a shit about your feelings whatsoever. Leave.

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  27. Move on! It will be hard, but ask yourself… do I want to live like this forever? In my option if there is no trust in a relationship, u have nothing. I was a single mom with a 3 year old and 6 month old. I found my husband and have never been happier, it’s been 12 years now. Also u need to be a good model for your kids.. would u want them to be in the same relationship and situation as u?

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  28. Show him the door.

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  29. Mj Mank Mj Mank says:

    No muss no fuss. YOU EITHER PUT Up WITH IT FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE AND BE QUIET or and you leave his ass right this moment and get yours and your children lives back on track. Suffer the children. Sorry you havd to endure this. You may want to start by calling the today centre or call 7804964777 for 3 free counselling sessions. Good luck.

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  30. Rhon Magyar Rhon Magyar says:

    What surprises me about this is that not only did you stay with this loser after the first time, you need another kid with him…

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  31. Pretty sure the reason you can’t get past it, is cause he keeps doing it. This won’t be the last time he does it either. Also don’t threaten with something you won’t do. If you want this to work you may have to accept he will do this again (and he will). But if you know that and still want it to work then suggest him getting help also.

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  32. Just leave his pathetic ass. Why put yourself thru that over and over. He’s not gonna change. Sometimes I just shake my head at the crap people put up with!

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  33. He won’t change…also I’d be worried about STIs if I were you…

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  34. Tracy Ache Tracy Ache says:

    Life is short! Move on!

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  35. Ange Freer Ange Freer says:

    If he has done this once, twice, three and four times … chances are likely he won’t quit. And the fact that he doesn’t even try to hide it shows he has ZERO respect for you. And with the fact you tolerate and continue to forgive his behaviour tells me you don’t respect yourself. Shameful really. I know, brutal honesty hurts. It is my opinion you put on your “big girl panties” and leave this sad sack of shit. Take your kids and get the fuck out. Move on with your life. Unless you’re content to continue living in such a toxic environment. In which case that’s pretty sad. Think of what you’re teaching your kids … cheating and lying is acceptable, and so too is being a doormat.

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  36. He may not be able to afford an escort, but he can afford a free girl off Plenty of Fish. You’d be surprised how many woman would be willing to just hook up with him for a nooner.
    Perhaps he has a sex addiction? But to change HE needs to WANT to.
    Get counselling either way. Figure out why you are allowing someone to hurt you. Fix that low self esteem whether you stay or not. Try The Family Centre….

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  37. I am truly sorry you are going through this. My ex did similar crap and it destroyed my self worth, I thought what is wrong with me? Why is he doing this? I catered to him but when I saw the evidence with my own eyes it made me sick to my stomach and I knew I had to let go of him and everything he was to me. Letting go of him and moving on is going to hurt and be hard but not forever! You will be happier on your own than always beating yourself up wondering why you aren’t good enough! You are good enough! You are actually too good for him! He is going to continue to play around and will lie to you about it, he will get smarter and delete emails, texts, etc because he knows you are onto him but he will continue to cheat! It is very sad because you love him and were building a family and life together. Ask yourself these questions and your answer will be crystal clear what you need to do. What if you are out at a restaurant with a family member and they spot him coming out of a hotel across the way with a woman very scantily clothed and the family member points it out to you? What if your child finds a pair of women’s panties in the car and gives them to you? What if your vagina starts burning or you get blisters because he brought home a sexually transmitted disease to you? What if he gets brave one day while you are out and brings a side chick home to your bed and you come home early and catch him? Are you willing to put yourself through all that torture and heartache? Your kids are young enough and very resilient at those ages so it isn’t going to traumatize them if you leave now. It is the best thing you could do for you and your children! If you need to chat pm me. Good luck, I know it’s hard right now but your choices will determine whether you live the roller coaster ride or start fresh. ((HUGS))

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  38. Tim Jacklin Tim Jacklin says:

    I think it commendable you are trying to help to fix your marriage , esp since you have children. Regardless of the many ppl saying leave , kick him out , etc remember some marriges have survived this kind of terrible disloyalty. But of course there is no guarantee. There may rightly come a time when YOU decide you have tried enough enough enough. Whatever you decide you do not have an easy time ahead of you. Good luck . Peace

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  39. Kara Fehr Kara Fehr says:

    Alice, come back up the rabbit hole and keep living your life. Leave him where he belongs.

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  40. Shawna Perez Shawna Perez says:

    I didn’t know it at the time but I was in relationship for many years with a sociopathic sex addict. I know this because after his actions caught up with him and cost him a great deal he finally went to therapy. I went to his therapist with him for a few sessions and was told his diagnosis and treatment options. Girl, these type of men almost never change even if they want to. What I learned is that I could only heal myself, after all, I picked this guy! You can only do the same for yourself. Good luck. It’s a hell of a journey but totally worth it once you get to the other side 🙂

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  41. Leave him and go to counseling for yourself. Get back your pride self-esteem get back to the powerful confidant you

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  42. Aly Anna Aly Anna says:

    We accept the love we think we deserve. By staying, you’re showing him it’s okay. If you’ve confronted him before and he continues, he’s not going to stop and isn’t willing to work.. not your time and you should leave.

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  43. Poor excuse for a man. Leave his old balls. Who needs him? Not you!

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  44. Call Alberta Mental Health.
    Get counselling.
    You need to find out why you would accept such treatment and turn your life around to a positive future.
    What you’re living in is super unhealthy… emotionally, mentally and physically even.

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  45. Tell him to get the fuck out. As hard as it is seriously I dealt with this and he denied to the whole time and things didn’t get better it brought me down more and more. Now I’m in a relationship with a man that totally adores Me and wouldn’t hurt me. There’s resources out there to help you call Alberta works. Keep your head up and do it for you and your children

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  46. Rye Weskey Rye Weskey says:

    They say there’s someone out there for everyone. It’s not a joke. Get out of that mentally exhausting relationship and move on. Why would you want to be with someone who clearly needs more than just you? You need to stop punishing him for being who he is and realize that it’s not for you. You’d thank me later in life. Stop trying to stuff that fallout back into the nuke. Damage is done.

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  47. please call the distress line (780 482-4357). There is someone there 24/7, so when you have the time and the privacy, call and talk it through with them. They will be able to provide you with some resources and they know the best counselling services that are available on a sliding scale for payment. You may also benefit from one-on-one free counselling session at the Support Network. It’s available on first come first serve basis and it’s free (no cost) for one session. Call 780 482-0198 for their hours. Good luck. You don’t deserve to be disrespected, especially when you are providing loving care for his 2 children.

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  48. I think we need to put your husband to one side for a moment and just focus on you. You are a mother with two young children. So it is important that you are in a healthy environment for all of you. If you are not happy, your babies will pick up on that. A healthy environment for all of you, in my opinion, is one with love, respect and communication. I don’t see any evidence of that in your post. I would ask you to ask yourself what a healthy happy home looks like for you. It is easy for all of us to tell you what we would do, but you are the one with the choices to make. Talk to a close friend about what is going on, or your mother, family members. Ask yourself if the way your husband behaves is that of a loving husband, and if not, how long are you prepared to allow the behavior to have a negative impact on you…..I would encourage you to surround yourself with strong and confident women because I think this has affected your confidence, even reading this it angers me that you allow this…..Think of your situation and replace one of your children in your place. If you continue to live like this, that will become a reality, If it were me in your situation I would make a plan to leave. I would encourage you to seek out a Women’s Group in your area, and definitely check out the services at Alberta Health Care as far as counselling goes for you….if that is what you want. Good luck.

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