I need to let go of jealousy
I am super embarassed to admit it. I am jealous of my brother and I want to stop that feeling.
I raised him. I was the successful older syster who supported him financially, emotionally. It was 2 of us against the world (with absent parents).
The last 10 years we drifted apart. I hit a tragedy which affected my health so now I am wheelchair bound. I am working as hard as I can. I have a child. Trying to get my life together, despite losing my home and a bankruptcy.
Yet everything he does seems easy. He even messed up majorly at work, but his boss never noticed and then rewarded him later.
It seems every step I take to get my life better ends up not working as well as I thought. He barely works. He drinks, works part time, and things fall on his lap – winning a small lottery tickets and so on.
I asked him for help once in the beginning. He had money but said no to a short loan. Yet he gave (no loan) more money to a friend who didn’t pay him back and didn’t really need it even.
Our kids are similar ages. I keep calling him to set up play times for kids. I invite him to events. Yet he never answers. And no response back.
Last time I saw him was a funeral. As the oldest, I paid for my mom’s funeral. All he did was stand in the back and criticise that I should have spent more. Yet I spent all I had, he helped with nothing and left early.
I feel like I did a lot for him and I love him. I want us to be close or at least have some relationship. Yet my life seems to be struggle for every penny while he gets easy stuff landing at his feet.
I don’t want to be jealous of him and his no struggles life. But it feels not fair. I also wish we could have a relationship yet he never responds to any attempt.