Parents vs Inlaws

Since the beginning of my relationship with my husband, there has been tension between families.
They didnt know each other yet, but they knew we had been spending A LOT of time together.

Knowing my parents (mom in particular) and their reactions to life events, and learning of my husbands mother and her quirks, I knew there would be conflict.

But we continued on dating and then engaged. And then of course the hell of planning a wedding. Where they, of course, never got along.

And now here we are years later and fighting over another holiday. It doesnt matter if we rotate years, or mark stuff in calendars, one of them ALWAYS complains.

We can never win, our kids can never win. Christmas has become a plague in which the only cure is seclusion and it is a sweet sweet idea.


Of course we feel bad not spending the holidays with our families, but we cant take this kind of BS anymore.



33 Responses

  1. Tell them starting this year you will start having Christmas at your place! Tell them /both sides of the family they are invited. If one of them decide not to come not your fault.

  2. Been there done that rotate years and go to the in laws every other year on the eve of the holiday. If they don’t like it have the holiday at your place.

  3. Ai Lee Ai Lee says:

    Don’t. Don’t put up with it anymore. I don’t. I’m happier

  4. Either have holidays at ur own place or go somewhere like banff to spend them

  5. Make your own family traditions! Christmas away without the hassle of presents is perfect!

  6. it’s simple… get them all together, and lay it out for them… if they don’t like it, it’s their problem, not yours…

  7. Tanya Sh Tanya Sh says:

    “Of course we feel bad not spending the holidays with our families” – stop feeling bad then. It’s in your power to do. Just don’t do holidays with them. Period. Be firm and explain your position.

  8. To clarify, it was not because mom did did not want us to, but that grandparents live with by Cold Lake and we lived pay check to pay check

  9. To clarify, it was not because mom did did not want us to, but that grandparents live with by Cold Lake and we lived pay check to pay check

  10. You absolutely have to do what is best for you and your family. Your respective parents are adults. If they can’t act accordingly when you set your boundaries they will have made their choice. Stand your ground: this is your children’s happiness and well being that is most important.

  11. Then I would simply say “we are celebrating Christmas at OUR house this year and whoever wants to be there is welcome to attend, we will not be going to anyone’s house”. Should solve the problem fairly.

  12. Lyn Hessels Lyn Hessels says:

    It’s YOUR family’s Christmas… I agree invite everyone and if anyone wants to be selfish enough to think it’s all about them they can stay home they don’t deserve your generosity.

  13. Christmas at your house, anyone who comes brings something

  14. After years of that shit, no families, just us on holidays, to hard to handle, bitter ‘ol bitches! Now, they bitch we don’t celebrate with them, uh, wtf you expect?

  15. You need to start your own family traditions. Your parents are an extensions of your family. You are allowing extended family to emotionally blackmail you. Stop.
    You don’t need to feel guilty.
    All you need to say is our family is :this is what our family is doing. If you want to choose to be a part of it then this is the time you need to be here.
    Yup someone is gonna feel butt hurt. To bad. You have every right to do your own thing.
    Your kids come first. Everyone else is secondary.

  16. Think oh your children. Stay home and enjoy Christmas. Pick a day before or after for each side of family. Whatever their feelings on your decision they will get over it and if they don’t it’s their problem.

  17. Mac Simm Mac Simm says:

    Have separate days with the individual families. Establish firm boundaries within your relationships, including your own mother.
    Make it clear that you’re not obligated to participate in any of this.
    For that couple of days, demand no negativity, for your kids sake.
    And tell your families, everyones going to be nice and have a Merry little €&/$/$$ Christmas.

  18. Start your own traditions with your children and if grandparents want to be apart of it. They will be. Things change over the years and they have to deal with it.

  19. When I was married we spent xmas eve with his and xmas day with mine. Somehow after the divorce, I spend it all by myself…weird how that happened.

  20. We are a blended family and grandparents to 11 grandchildren with all assorted in-laws/outlaws making claims on the kids/grandkids to attend THEIR family functions during the usual holiday dates. In order to make it easier on everyone and to eliminate putting pressure on the young families, we have everyone decide on a mutually acceptable date that is ‘close’ to the holidays and we hold an open house, or have a brunch. We want to have a good time and we refuse to ‘sweat’ the small stuff.

  21. You, your spouse and your kids come first. Don’t let anyone sabotage your holiday…the rest is up to them.

  22. Have you thought of hosting Christmas yourself? Invite both families and let them decide whether to come or not. Tell them they have to behave. Christmas is for kids not adults.

  23. Marie says:

    In such as your case, I agree with many of those suggesting you host the holiday at your home (some potluck or specific dishes assigned) … or depending on how intense the two-family clashes actually are, if you can manage to get away with your spouse and children… do that.! That will send a message loud and clear.

    Christmas season, IS the most stressful holiday of the year even when families do get along.
    No one needs to suffer through it, by something brought on by others no matter who the others are.

    You might want to consider beginning the process to which direction ‘you’ will be heading – by writing a nice-honest, unbiased well-thought out letter, and send identical letter to both sides of your family – – – explain your feelings (esp. for the children’s sake).

    Above all, strive to “KEEP the PEACE” –
    Avoid any drama at all costs. Avoid allowing it.
    Take control of this, ‘the issue’… THEN
    Simply let the two sides decide for you … let the chips fall where they may. Settled. Done.

    There’s enough time to know and be able to plan your holiday in accordance with the result, if you start with something like this (tailored to your situation), and handled sooner than later.

    ‘Tis the season to be Jolly – Peace, Love, Joy & Goodwill to all !!! (no exceptions)

    Best wishes ~

  24. Start your own tradition and have Christmas at home. Give them all an open invitation and if they choose not to come, that’s on them. Take back the meaning of Christmas for you and your family and make it enjoyable. Life’s too short to argue over whose house you are going to. Maybe if they both spend a Christmas alone they will be more apt to be easier to get along with next year. (I haven’t been able to read all posts so if I am repeating something already said, sorry)

  25. If your families can’t act like sensible mature people and understand that you have to alternate….then screw them. Do what your own family wants… us not worth it.

  26. You will never please everyone! So why ? Do what makes your family happy creating great memories put yourself and husband first !! Maybe go away !!!!!
    Life to short to be in turmoil. It really is that easy
    I did it and would never go back

  27. Spend Xmas with your husband and kids, and tell everyone else if they want to act civil, they can come too.

  28. I would definitely be hightailing it out of there and spending Christmas in Hawaii with anyone who wants to come but refusing to put up with that crazy blame game!


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