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Please be open minded

To the lady that answered the door last night when my kid rang and didn’t yell trick or treat but only said it, and then proceeded to tell him he needed more effort and gusto to get a treat, you made me so angry and my child at the same time feel defeated.
My kid has autism and it was their first time going to the door alone, albeit I was at the end of the drive. So I could hear you telling my child what to do. All they want is to get candy and have fun, not a lecture on how they should conduct themselves. My suggestion to you is to enlighten yourself on various disabilities and reasons why a child might not be as normal as you think or want.

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84 Responses

  1. I highly doubt this person meant to upset your child and was trying to have fun.

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  2. There were some kids I got last night who didn’t say trick or treat, some who didn’t say thank you and some who actually did say both! I’m not there to school them if they don’t say one or the other. I just say hi happy Halloween and have a good night! It isn’t very nice when they don’t say thank you but then I remember they’re just kids and just forget it! Its all for fun just for one night out of the year

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  3. Hmmm. She likely didn’t know your child was autistic. And she cannot possibly assume. You know he is but she didn’t. She was just trying to have fun, to get everyone’s energy up. Don’t take it personally. Yeesh. Everyone’s so sensitive nowadays . Because you know your son is autistic doesn’t mean the rest of the world knows.

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    • Melissa Pekar Vertypora
      My son is autistic and non verbal. Do you have a magic wand that gets them to say it? Cause if so, I want it. I would live for my son to say trick or treat but the fact is he can’t and someone denying him candy after he has approached the door is just going to frustrate him to no end.

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    • Power hungry? I seems a little intense for this situation. She may have been just joking around and trying to have some fun and get him pumped up.

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    • You don’t get to police the kids coming to your house for candy. That’s insane and power hungry. If you’re going to be a candy nazi just shut off your lights.

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    • Krista L. Zimmerman it is my candy I am giving away, I have every right to police who I give it to. I make kids say trick or treat in order to get candy as well, that’s THE POINT of Halloween, it’s not just for the purpose of a candy grab for children.

      Now if I can tell a child is hesitant about saying it loudly or they are too young even I’ll still give candy but I’ll still try to get them to say it.

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    • Where did she say she denies it?

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  4. Jenny Pham Jenny Pham says:

    I am sorry this happened to your child – I am personally not someone who asks “trick or treat” but some spectrums of Autism are not as apparent as others can be. Is it possible with the cover of a costume and the lack of understanding caused such and event? I don’t condone such things, nor do I excuse it, but there are people in an older generation who are genuinely unaware/uninformed and did not mean any true intentional harm? Could perhaps you place yourself on the other side of the fence without understanding or knowing the entire story because your are not fully immersed it in and see how someone who has only been on it for a mere few seconds not have the time to comprehend the entire story?

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    • Jenny Pham Jenny Pham says:

      As I said Krista, I am not one who personally asks “Trick or Treat”. Nor do I police anyone’s children for their behaviour. Age is not an excuse, neither is ignorance but both can be contributing factors to the lack of knowledge, understanding and recognition of autism. People can really suck sometimes and it isn’t fair that this happened to a child. I hope the OP can rise above the incident and not let this one person be a defining factor in his or her future Halloween adventures.

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    • The story should be it isn’t your job to police child behavior on Halloween no matter how old and miserable you are. Don’t be a candy nazi. If you can’t give a treat and say happy Halloween shit off your lights. Enough of this ridiculousness. Age is no excuse for being a jerk for no reason other than you think it’s your place to boss everyone around.

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    • Well I think this is a fair comment. As I went through the same thing with my son last night I also feel her pain. My son has severe speech and language delay (with his autism) he tried very hard and did say trick or treat but it doesn’t sound like it suppose to and a lower voice, it’s cause he doesn’t have the confidence he’s saying it right. Someone did give him a speech which for the most part he understood but also was very confused and a bit upset and wanted to go home. Well I let it go with a he’s autistic with severe speech and language delay, it’s still not easy to hear things like that either and the pain the child feels cause they think they did something wrong.

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  5. I’d say that house deserves a trick

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  6. Wow I’m sorry your boy had to go through that:(

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  7. Ginny Wiebe Ginny Wiebe says:

    Why do people feel the need to play power games with their stupid little candies?? This shit is beyond ridiculous. I’m so sorry this happened to you and your son.

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  8. Andrea Jobin Andrea Jobin says:

    This pisses me off.. I’ve personally delt with “adults” with my special needs son….

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  9. I don’t think any of the kids I had at the door said trick or treat just knocked who cares they are out to have fun.

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  10. I mistook a boy for a girl but apologized. I was only asking because we gave toys out. I decided to just bring them out and let the kids pick what they wanted. Sorry little guy if I hurt your feelings.

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  11. Are you literally arguing about why someone should do a trick for a treat? A free treat? Maybe it wasn’t meant to be a lecture but was meant to inspire more fun in the tradition. I wasn’t there, so I don’t know. I do say that I encourage kids yelling trick or treat and still give candy to the ones that don’t.

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    • Terri Bee Terri Bee says:

      You know nothing about the person, she may have misunderstood his reaction and was trying to encourage enthusiasm. Within a couple of seconds of meeting the child she was supposed to know he was autistic, that’s a stretch.

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    • She’s saying that if your lights are on you shouldn’t be a treat nazi and make ridiculous demands. If you’re going to be miserable, shut off your lights. This is supposed to be a night for kids, not for bossy, power hungry stay at home moms.

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    • 1) Kids should ALWAYS yell “trick or treat” and say thank you if they are able. IF they are able- notice the “if” before you comment with hate comments.

      2) IF your child has a disability, the majority of people understand that some kids are different. But nobody is able to diagnose autism at a glance. I get it. But don’t publicly try to shame someone because they didn’t immediately know your kid was different. Maybe next time- try and go to neighbors beforehand and explain why your kid is different.

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    • wow, Jillian. I don’t know if I read your comment wrong but i read it over a few times. Yup,each time it sounds bitchy…. How humbled you would be if you were the OP….

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    • Honestly, I wouldn’t be able to tell if a kid has a mental disability by first impression while they are dressed in a costume and a snow suit. I’d still give candy no matter what.

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  12. Lysa Lee Lysa Lee says:

    You can get these online. My son had one on this year

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  13. Erin Julien Erin Julien says:

    I had kids who didn’t say anything. Regardless of the reason for their .silence- they showed up, they dressed up, and they got candy! It’s not our job to impose “manners” or whatever on these little people. I’m sure their parents are handling everything on their end just fine.

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  14. Back in the day we had a solution for people like this. Funny how my mom had to get new soap and eggs on Nov 1st

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  15. We were having fun with the kids who came to the door. It’s “Trick” or “Treat” so back in the day, we had to work and interact at the houses. Some made us sing, some had riddles we had to answer, some times they wouldn’t open the door unless we were loud enough. So, with some of the older kids we did some of the same things, and had the kids laughing.
    No kids were harmed in the teaching of the old ways. It was a blast even the parents participated.

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  16. On behalf of that lady, I apologize that SHE IS NOT PSYCHIC.

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  17. Tre Hack Tre Hack says:

    Please tell me you said something to the lady?

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  18. Well…that quite possibly could have been me! I love Halloween, I love the kids coming up and even the parents. I am very careful with my silly jokes or comments when the kids trick or treat but yep…once in a while last night I said…”I can’t hear you?! ” as I approached my door and the kids giggles and laughed and shouted TrIcK Or tREAT as loud as they could! They had fun, I had fun…so while I completely understand how that could fluster a couple kids…I had so many laughs and smiles and talkative parents come up because we really engaged the kids that came.

    For instance..I had 2 girls (11-13 years old) come to the house around 8pm. They knocked on the door and I was sitting in my living room – so I said loudly “yes…?!!” And those girls did the entire trick or treat song instantly after! It was fun! It was great!

    There’s so many people not familiar with autism or other diagnosis that affect a kids emotional and social interactions. Maybe Halloween is just a holiday he will really need you to be right next to him to be sure that he is able to get that support from you when home owners try to engage with him. I doubt they meant any harm.

    I feel like when I post this I’m going to have angry people disliking my comment but I need to add that I am very familiar with my own kids as well as friends kids having children with behavioural and emotionally affecting diagnosis so I can empathize with the OP but personally, I’m going to continue to engage with trick or treaters every year (respectfully) that’s the fun part! Scary houses, back ground music, fun treats and sometimes a little scare from someone jumping out from the side of the house.

    Now to go eat my kids candy. Yum yum yum

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    • Adele Hammer Adele Hammer says:

      Apparently it could have been me too.

      I love to interact with the kids and I was doing the same thing. I don’t police them but i do ask them if they can say it louder. No matter what they still get treats.
      I am also one of the parents that use to have a child that do to Aspergers and texture issue wouldn’t wear masks or face paint. We dealt with it and I was always at the door with him just incase

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    • My son is autistic and non verbal and cannot say Trick or Treat. You 2 are just bitches!

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    • Shelley Bellefontaine I think you misunderstood everything I wrote. I am by far a bitch.

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    • How are they being b*** they never said they yelled. They said they attempted to engage. They never turned someone away for not. Please understand that the fun of giving out candy for most people is the interaction you get with all the little innocents coming to the door. That free candy costs a lot. So that respect and understanding needs to go both ways. Or more and more houses will go dark

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    • Mandy Thibodeau thank you

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    • Shelley Bellefontaine no need for name calling.

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  19. Shari Heiser Shari Heiser says:

    I really think that kids with special needs should have a ribbon or something to alert the homeowners. So they know your child may not be able to communicate or may be uncomfortable. Just an idea.

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    • that is an awesome idea

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    • Jesus . How bout I put a tag around your neck that says uneducated !!!

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    • Shawna Buchner I see you study at JP High, hmmm, maybe the staff would like to see this post, considering you have Special Needs Classes there eh! I’ll keep a look out for you!

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    • Shari Heiser Shari Heiser says:

      Serena right? I don’t see how what I commented as offensive. It was a suggestion that would not require an uncomfortable situation for either the child or the home owner.

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    • Ruth Chalk Ruth Chalk says:

      what a brilliant idea!

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    • And especially on Halloween, when kids are disguised as it is, it can be even harder. I’m sure the home owner meant no harm. Can you imagine how offended someone would have been if she would have treated someone as autistic, and they weren’t? I can see the post now…

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    • Shari Heiser Shari Heiser says:

      Shawna oh and by the way, my best friend has a beautiful daughter with autism. To think I’m not educated is a ridiculous assumption.

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    • This is a very good idea

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    • I agree with this option!!!!! You complain about peoples ignorance, help them out instead of condeming them. Kids all look the same with a costume on. Autism is very hard to identify just by looking at someone. So instead of sitting here bitching about it. Help people out. I work with special needs kids through Special Olympics. I know the troubles that happen and frustration for these kids. You as a parent can not expect other people no matter their ages to understand if they arent told about it. I am sympathetic to your situation but think about it, if you didnt know anything about autism would you of treated a child differently from the rest. My brother is downs syndrome, i fought my whole childhood for people to understand him. And that was in the early 90’s. Give people a chance to be human. If you want people to know about your son then you have to TELL them. They cant read your mind. And if you didnt want so many people commenting on your comment then I guess you should of kept it to yourself.

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    • Yeah well I have my nephew who is serve autism so don’t act like I have no clue . Asking a freaking child to walk around with basically a label ? Yeah that makes that kid feel so much better . No I stand by what I said ! As for making fun of where I went to school , shows how mature you are .

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    • By the way JP high school in the west end of Edmonton is a public school . Again educate yourself !!

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    • Shari Heiser Shari Heiser says:

      Shawna Buchner you are so fucking stupid it’s embarrassing.

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    • Shari Heiser Shari Heiser says:

      Everyone is wrong and you’re right. Ok then! You’re so opposed to communication among adults to help kids yet stand by your ASSumption that people are trying to unfairly label a child. So stupid it hurts.

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    • Why would you label any child ? The problem is people like you who label these kids !

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    • Oh and just want to point out I never came to your level of name calling , again it shows your maturity!

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  20. Shari Heiser Shari Heiser says:

    Part of the enjoyment is interacting with the kids for the homeowner too.

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  21. Good Job to your kiddo for stepping outside their comfort zone. Thats Awesome!!!

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  22. Oh for the love of god, smile at them, tell them you like their costume, and give them some candy! Some people just like to hear the sound of their own voices telling other people what to do. So annoying.

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  23. I remember having to sing, yell and tell jokes to earn candy! That’s just the way it was lol

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  24. Terry Calder Terry Calder says:

    Get a grip! This was probably all in fun! Sensitive or what! It’s not all about you and your kid.bstay home next time if you have small issues like this!

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    • Ding Ding. we found the home owner!!

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    • So kids with autism should just stay home?

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    • No they shouldn’t have to stay home but everyone else shouldn’t have to change their behavior completely either. Unfortunately we all have a story and all have to continue to live in the same society so we all need to bend. Is this really the Autism ignorance hill you want to die on? Because it’s going to be a rough uphill battle the rest of your child’s life and he will need your support to pave the way for him and provide awareness to others, not remain speechless in the moment and then condemn the ignorant anonymously later.

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  25. Fuck it just end Halloween. Problem solved.

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  26. Was this in Highlands by chance? I had a similar experience..

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  27. kids will be kids, they are excited and happy to be out trick or treating, who cares if they say anything, give them their candy and move on, its not a school class they are attending!!!!!!!!!! hugs to you both <3

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  28. Betty Gordon Betty Gordon says:

    I doubt people feel the need to be in control of any situation. People leave work early and are excited to open their door to your kids giving out treats and not figure out what disability every child has and how to act accordingly to every parents expectations. IT’S HALLOWEEN. People really get excited about Halloween and a lot of houses ask kids to sing for a treat…etc. ..they are only playing around and getting into the day with the kids. If people are that sensitive then perhaps don’t take your child door to door and instead to a house party. For those who think it’s a power play over “their stupid candy” don’t go door to door and collect “their stupid candy”..wow…people just went to the store and spent money on that candy you feel is stupid ..stay home if that’s how you feel.

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  29. Or maybe you walk up to the door with your child…? My kid has autism too, which means, I’m at his side.

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  30. I don’t know why people just let their kids scream. I told my children to calm down not yell

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  31. Sly Beaudry Sly Beaudry says:

    I really dont understand how this infuriated so much. When I was a kid, there were houses where you had to actually do a trick or sing part of a song to get the candy, or do an impression of your costume (ex: dressed as ghost- do a ghostly sound). This post screams millenial. The homeowner probably had no way of knowing your child was autistic.

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  32. I’m confused… treat special needs people… children and adults alike as you would anyone else… that’s what we hear… don’t stare… don’t mutter… don’t ostracize… don’t this don’t that… so a child is treated like the others … and now it’s don’t do that… they are different….
    How frustrating for both society and the child… damned if you do and damned if you don’t

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  33. Ah, you must of gotten the bitter ‘ol bitch in Halloween Alley, this lady did the same with my son, she asked him, don’t you have anything better to do? Yes, he’s tall for his age, 6’5. but still a young boy who loves Halloween, made me mad and sad, that a stranger would be so mean to a kid, you bet I I hollered back! Hard to swollow!

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  34. People are so damn sensitive nowadays. Also if it really bothered you why didn’t you say something to her face instead of being a keyboard warrior. Some people get 50 plus kids in a night, are they supposed to know each ones life story?

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  35. “It takes a village” I have often engaged with the littles and biggers at the door. They are coming to my home not begging but given an opportunity to meet, greet and get some treats.
    To those parents who have littles with unique personalities it’s their job to inform and for all to learn. It really should not be Just Candy And begging at a strangers door.
    It’s a chance for all to engaged and learn more about each other.

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  36. I apologize that your child felt defeated and that you felt anger, not cool. However, I don’t see anything wrong with what the gentleman did and it has nothing to do with ignorance of disabilities. First off, there are SO many different circumstances, one person would not be able to keep on top of all the potential misstep he could make in interactions with others. In my day, we were made to sing for our candy, get terrified by their spooky yard decorations (when actual people would jump out to scare you) and we never said trick or treat. Always “Halloween apples” so we always got bugged for that too and told to shout trick or treat. It’s all part and parcel of the day.
    To be honest the “they just want the candy…” part of your post… there in lies part of the problem…seems like a greedy way to be to me. Why not spend 2 minutes with someone humoring them and their love of Halloween too? Can’t we treat those who provide our children with treats and get up and down out of their seats to come to the door to ooh and ahh over their costumes, with a little dignity and respect?

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  37. Firstly, I understand that you have an autistic child, and that can likely be challenging sometimes! I totally get that!!! But This kinda irritates me. The fact that you can get “so mad” at assuming we know your child is autistic. And asking that we educate ourselves on the various disabilities. Are you aware of what you are saying? Do you know that there are a number of disabilities that are physically impossible to see? And even still, what benefit is it to anyone that I treat your child any different from another. I’m all about being inclusive. As that’s what everyone including the disabled deserve… So unless you want you son to wear a sign that says” I can’t say trick or treat loud” I’ll ask for it a enthusiastic and happy trick or treat!!! Because that is the fun and spirit of Halloween!

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  38. Julia Bryce Julia Bryce says:

    sad, but some people forget that their are people whom may have autism, or may be mute, etc. adults need to think before they speak anything but kindness. (but, people forget.)

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