Replying to the man who messed up
My husband was one of the people that posted on here. He messed up and wants to fix it so his wife doesn’t leave.
I am the wife (there were several posts so not sure how many guys have been jerks).
I love this man. We have a commitment marriage and children. What he can’t control is his temper that he thinks should be forgiven.
And after years of it, I can’t do it.
He was nicest guy ever. Then life threw some stuff. He started to blow up at every tiny thing. He would get physical – nothing big but maybe just throw a chair down- then he blacks out and does not remember. When this escalated because he hit me, I left him. That was 12 years ago.
He apologized, he went to counselling and anger management. It seemed to help so after a year separation, we got back together. They just don’t know why he blacks out like that.
I gave him a chance. I shouldn’t bit did. I said one chance.
Last 3 years, his temper started to go up again. Yes we went to psychologists who said they can’t help because they don’t know what causes that. And I was there, the wife who loves him.
2 days ago he picked up a wood object and hit me to a point where walking is a struggle. He blacked out and doesn’t remember it.
So I put my foot down. I am glad the kids never saw this but I can’t be an example of this anymore. Not remembering is not a reason to stay. He takes zero responsibility for these. In fact after blacking out, he does a poor me thing and wants to talk and be taken care of – what about what he did to me?
I deserve better. To know I can disagree, I can go day to day without worrying about his temper. And again, the apology was very crappy. No big gestures of saying he was sorry, no promise to what he will do differently. Just that he feels bad for what he doesn’t remember.
I can’t do it. I can’t forgive or forget. All has been tried – counselling, medication, anger management and separation. I am tired of all this. Yes he is faithful but his love is painful literally. I am crying as I write this but I have no forgiveness or patience left.