This is what you see

What you see.

For the first time ever I utilized a community resource for help with a bill, one single bill. I have struggled for years and never asked for help. I work full time, I raise my kids and yes we live paycheck to paycheck. Over the last year I have had several surgeries and have not used disability or any other assistance program. I took a few days to recover as best I could and went back to work. To be honest I cant afford to be on disability. But missing 3 days of work here and there over the last year had caused some bills to slowly accumulate as I could not pay them in full. There is a reason it got so bad, so far behind before I reached out. I was simply afraid of being judges and this is why.

What you see, is me getting out of my truck that looks pretty nice, to walk into an assistance office and you think “ wow if she can afford that truck she shouldn’t be asking for help”. What you don’t see… my truck is over 10 years old, it looks nice because I take care of it, and when the bus or walking is an option I choose that. I choose that because gas is a luxury, I choose to not sell the truck because you don’t see the mechanical problems that I have learned to tinker with to keep it running, it looks nice, but its not worth much to anyone but me. To me being able to handle emergencies with me or my kids is priceless.

What you see, my clothes are nice, I even have some brand name clothing. What you don’t see is that almost all of my clothing is hand me downs from friends or family who can afford nice stuff. I don’t look a gift horse in the mouth, if there is still wear in those jeans I will happily take them and wear them.

What you see, my cell phone ( an iphone7) What you don’t see is that it’s a company phone that I am grateful to be allowed to use for personal use. Paid for 100% by my company. Without that I don’t know what I would do as we don’t have a home phone line currently.


What you might see, my nails might be done (they are not) because I got a gift certificate for Christmas for a nail set, I chose to not use that because my daughter birthday is coming up and that’s an easy gift to give her. But if my nails were done, it might not mean that I had the money to get them done.

What you see, my children and I are happy and healthy and clean. What you don’t see is that I make sure my kids get 3 meals a day but that often means I skip meals so they don’t ever go without. I don’t smoke, I don’t drink and I do not use any kid of drugs at all. But you don’t see that, you see me, and I don’t fit your image of what someone who “needs help” looks like. And so i go without, because I am afraid of all the people who think they know me, know my type. Its so easy to judge everyone these days. I go without because we can survive and we do, not easily but we do, and maybe someone else that needs help even more than we do will know they are not alone in being afraid to reach out and they will get help they really need, despite what they look like.

I know people abuse the system, but what I want you to know is that many are afraid to reach out because they will be judged based on their appearance alone and appearances can be deceiving.



13 Responses

  1. Maybe try Alberta works

  2. Everyone has an opinion and isn’t afraid to open their mouths. More often than not it’s out of complete ignorance. People who choose to make judgement based on exterior looks are likely the saddest people around. It isn’t about what you drive , wear or dine on. Lots of people don’t have enough depth and insight to realize that what’s on the outside does not define the person.
    Wish you lots of luck, good things do happen to good people. Chin up.

  3. Bravo! Well written and an excellent reminder for us not to judge. MYOB!

  4. Kel E Ameroh Kel E Ameroh says:

    It is a terribly hard place to be. Not quite enough money to make it all work yet making too much money to qualify for any consistent help. Not being able to access your own disability benefits because they take up to 8 weeks to start paying you. Very few people have 2 months expenses laying around for unplanned surgeries.
    Single parenting and or living lower income is not an easy road.

  5. Frank Yurich Frank Yurich says:

    Bravo,Bravo, if this is true and only you will feel the guilt ,you deserve that little bit of help your asking for god only knows how many millions nutley and her band of merry criminals are helping them self’s to and I’m sure our health minister could afford to skip a meal or two like you did to help you out …

  6. Travis Hugh Travis Hugh says:

    What I see is someone who cares far too much what others think.

    • What I see in your comment is someone afraid to show compassion for someone that reached out for help, perhaps because you have the same fear? You may not need it now, but if you did one day, I suspect you wouldn’t be far off a similar mark.

  7. Stand tall mom and be proud of the strong women that you are. I hope that your health is better and that you were able to get that small amount of help that you and your family needed.

  8. Guess that is why we should heed the old saying “Don’t judge anyone until you have walked a mile in their shoes”. I wish you the best of luck and hope you are soon feeling even better. Be proud of how you are teaching your children through example.

  9. Laura Love Laura Love says:

    Good luck OP. My wish for you is a good break. A small lottery win or found money. Sending positive vibes.

  10. Why feel the need to justify…It’s nobodies business why you needed help, what you wear or drive or anything you do.

  11. Well written & I understand completely. You are deserving of help, we all are, & life kicks people in the face sometimes & it is ok to ask for help!
    Thank you for sharing a lot of people need to read this & learn from it. I hope that things get better, please use some of the resources available – there is a thrift store where for $5 you can get a lot of great stuff & donate whatever you have no use for & it is a really good way to get some help while also giving back. Take care of yourself & your family & thank you for trying to make the world a little more understanding. ❤️


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