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Tired of doing everything alone.

Recently I had surgery and am on my own to heal. I’ve never felt so alone in my life. It’s been tough not having support to help with the little things…dressing, trying to get a prescription filled, making myself something to eat when I’m so exhausted and not really hungry. I’m in my 50’s and have never had surgery but I think my recovery is taking longer than it should…idk.

I really should’ve insisted on staying in the hospital for a few days at least. My doctor, nurses, anesthesiologist…no one tells you how tough it might be after on your own and I did ask a lot of questions.

The after effects of anesthesia makes me feel hungover or is it withdrawal from it? I feel teary and anxious.

I have friends that have called/texted me for which I am grateful. I understand people have their own lives. I have family but we’re not close. My elderly Mom has home care and can’t get out on her own.

It’s just that feeling of how alone and lonely I have been and am made me want to reach out today. I wanted to see if anyone else out there has dealt with this and how they managed?

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38 Responses

  1. Holy shit!
    Seriously where was this kind of out pouring of support when I was in need after my first double bypass surgery. I had to go through all that shit alone!
    Y’All on here make me proud to be from Edmonton!
    I raise a glass to ALL of these positive people, even those just willing to lend an ear!
    I wish you all much love!
    Herzlich grüß!

  2. You can make a self referral to home care but they can only help with things such as dressing, bath assist (usually once a week), wound care, etc.

  3. Call home care depending on which area of the city you’re on they can come in and give you some support. Not sure about meal prep but otherwise physically shower assist, dressing changes etc. Bits covered by AHS.

  4. If you need someone to vent to, msg me. I recently had surgery and my recovery took several weeks longer than I was told…due to complications.
    I know what you mean. I was freaking out about simple things like getting to the bathroom and big things like meals for my kids.
    I have my next surgery on friday and this time I know it won’t be as easy as they thought.
    I don’t have an answer other than saying I get it and if you want someone to talk to, I know how this feels.

    I was so shocked after my first surgery as I didn’t have any assistance like home care and such since it was labelled as 2-3 days recovery time but turned out to be so much longer for me. So I know legally I don’t qualify for it again. But sometimes even knowing is better than that initial surprise.

    I am with Safeway pharmacy. They don’t deliver but I am getting all my refills done now so I won’t need to worry.

    I am also trying to make meals, pay bills and such ahead of time. Again this time it won’t be such a surprise and panic of how tonget this done.

    I also had awesome family and friends who sent very supportive messages. This feels great though my closest family cannot help or far away. But my husband is now aware and will be home for the day. I know it is one day but at least I come home and not be alone.

    Like I said, I don’t have answers really just having that shock of how long recovery was rather than what I expected was the hardest part. I was not prepared for that. At least the knowledge it will be hard is something.
    So feel free to pm me if you need someone to talk to

  5. I’m sorry that you are recovery slowly and alone.

    I too am alone. Last year when I had surgery, prior to my surgery, the clinic suggested that if I need a few exacta days I could be moved to Norwood. I’m surprised a suggestion like this wasn’t offered. Fortunately for me I have a wonderful friend that came in every day to look after my needs, drove me to appointments, made sure that I was eating correctly, and taking my pain medication.

    I wish you all he best for a healthy recovery.

  6. Kerry Lynne Kerry Lynne says:

    I am Sorry you are dealing with so much. Shoppers Drug Mart has a free delivery program for prescriptions. Talk to your Dr about your mental health. Anesthetic is very hard on some people especially the older you get and a common side effect is depression. It takes 6 months for anesthetic to be completely out of your system.

  7. Call 811. The Health Link. They can help you out! The nurses who take your call are awesome.

  8. Terri Mc Terri Mc says:

    You cry , then you shrug your shoulders and do 1 little thing at a time. It’s one day at a time..over and over and over again. You talk to yourself and let yourself argue your strong points. Look around your house for something you did that you love,hold it and remember that person..then you wash your self up, ignore the dusting, do up your dishes, get dressed in comfortable clothes and make sure to get outside even for 10mins..the change of air and sun will do you the world of good, Being in pain and being alone is the most emotionally debilitating experience of ones life. Take your pain meds as they are prescribed, even if you think (argue) to yourself that you dont need them. If you are doing most recovery in bedroom, change it up to living room or vice versa, if you dont feel like or cant make big meals that’s fine , boiled eggs, soup, toast; cheese, fruit, celery, can be enough but try to eat at least twice, the effort may seem too much but just doing it helps emotionally, take a shower( baths give you too much time to reflect and the warm water can make you mopey), do one thing each day make you feel up, even if only for 10 mins..it will grow longer, cuss out all your friends and enemies , make up ridiculous curses then laugh at yourself cause you just need to get it out…its ok to be angry and hurt with them at times, better to let it out and disperse to the air then to hold on to it and maybe blow up at them, your brain knows they have lives but your heart wants them to focus on you) ,Remember to remind yourself that in your 50’s isn’t old , pain can make 50 ‘s seem like 100. It will get better and easier. And Cry , it can cleanse and release so many emotions. I’ve been battling this for 5 yrs. You just keep remembering you are worth it. HUGS

  9. Perhaps signing yourself up for mealtrain when your appetite improves. https://www.mealtrain.com/ perhaps your friends who help will have a little visit with you and it may help your friends and others know that you need support. Hopefully it will snowball.

  10. Lois Sunley Lois Sunley says:

    I have had several surgeries alone and a stroke and it is very hard sometimes it takes me an hour to put on a pair of pants and shoes … many times I wish someone was here to make me a cuppa tea even … I just do as I can when I can and enjoy the times someone happens to be around and offers to help … when they do I have learned to say YES please 🙂

  11. I can certainly relate. But what I have found is that people who haven’t experienced what you are going through, have no idea what challenges you are facing. So they go about their busy lives oblivious to what others are experiencing. My advice is make it known that you are having difficulties doing certain things and directly ask people to help. Some gems will step up to the plate. Once they see you in your environment, they will have a better understanding and hopefully continue to help you until you are on your feet.
    In my recent medical catastrophe, i hired house cleaners, got friends and family to help with groceries and yard work. Neighbours were willing to share a meal they had cooked. I considered Nurse house calls but wasn’t completely necessary. Skip the Dishes came in handy when I just couldn’t stand up long enough to cook.
    I wish I lived closer to help. I would be happy to pay it forward.

  12. I’m sorry you are going through this solo, I’m sure that is extremely hard. There are some resources listed above hopefully they can give you a hand. I don’t know what kind of surgery you had but you mentioned the effects of the anaesthesia. I just wanted to mention pls be careful with the pain meds depending on what they prescribed. I just had dental surgery and was prescribed Oxy which I have never had before. Was given 15 tabs and told to take 1-2 tabs every 4-6 hours and not to let the pain come back so to keep taking them. I started to feel horrible, they did take the pain away perfectly but I had cold sweats, nausea, horrible headaches and body aches. I went to the hospital after 5 days and I actually went into withdrawal from that short of a time of being on them. It was awful, I was really sick for the next week. Just wanted to mention this in case this might be attributing to symptoms. Good luck! Hope you get some help and feel better.

  13. Please send me a message.

  14. Yes I had an ankle re instruction surgery. Special needs child and had help for 10 days. Left crawling around and wheel chair multiple levels to house. The general anesthic makes me weepy too. Nothing but problems after surgery and no help. Like you, friends text and that is the extent of it. Yes very defeating and lonely feeling but my special needs son get me going although caring for him was also a challenge. You have to think it is temporary situation and it will pass. Our world of people are not what they use to be. Makes me wonder if some of my friends are really friends or is this what friends are like now. Makes me want to move back k to where I grew up because those friendships last forever. Keep your head up, it’s been a year for me and now back to surgery as surgeon screwed up.

  15. Call your doctor and tell them that you need help at home. If the doctor is part of a PCN, they have nurses, social workers, pharmacists and other specialists that may be able to help get you more support in home. Also call Home Care and see if they can come in temporarily. There should be more conversations taking place with people before they have surgery and this isn’t an isolated occurrence.

    • Disability, Accessibility and Accommodations this is such a good point. I am in the same boat and I didn’t have home care since it was expected to be quick recovery yet complications made it into months. My doctor is not in PCN so not real resources out there. There isn’t much conversation out there about recovery options and isolation feeling

  16. Jenna Bain Jenna Bain says:

    Ask for a health nurse to come 2x a day

  17. Maja Black Maja Black says:

    I had a lesser surgery done, (metal plate in my wrist) I went to the hairdresser for shampoos, had pre made meals. It was hard, my house went to hell, but only 2 months

  18. I’m sorry that you are recovery slowly and alone.

    I too am alone. Last year when I had surgery, prior to my surgery, the clinic suggested that if I need a few exacta days I could be moved to Norwood. I’m surprised a suggestion like this wasn’t offered. Fortunately for me I have a wonderful friend that came in every day to look after my needs, drove me to appointments, made sure that I was eating correctly, and taking my pain medication.

    I wish you all he best for a healthy recovery.

  19. Shelley Lohr Shelley Lohr says:

    I totally get where you are coming from I had a stroke 4 years ago and Recovery was hell because I also was alone. What I can say is that you will get through this you’ll find out who your true friends really are being alone trying to recuperate is not easy. Give yourself time it will say it will all work out if your doctor is with primary care go through them they have resources that will help you during this and if you need to just chat with somebody feel free to message me I know it gets rough I had no family and of course like you everybody else has their life and you don’t want to involve them in your what you think is petty forgive yourself cuz you are not to blame

  20. Use Meals on Wheels.
    It will lighten your burden

  21. Wishing you a speedy recovery, both physically and mentally it can be very hard to be alone know you are loved and life gets better

  22. Karen Gieck Karen Gieck says:

    I could come and help you ❤️

  23. You can also message me if you would like to chat.

  24. I understand your frustration as well as loneliness. Pain is not pleasant and it is tiring as well. Mentally and physically you have had a major event. Do you have a friend you can ask to come over? Or call 311 and ask about a referral to a program. I know it’s very difficult to ask for help but it is worth it- start with your trusted circle if possible.

  25. Usually when you’ve had a hospitalization a social worker comes to you before you’re allowed to go home. They ask what support you have, living situation etc. They will arrange to have someone come by to check on you, cook meals, personal care. I don’t understand why this wouldn’t have been done.

    • They don’t always. Didn’t for me (this was in BC). I was very prepared though, and didn’t want to ask for help, but was hard and lonely. Anaesthesia can do some weird things with your emotions too. Hopefully the link that Terri Bee gave you helps. DM me if you like.

    • I have never heard of this. I’m guessing this might be for elderly?

    • Jana no, anyone who needs the help qualifies.

    • Sharon Swan Sharon Swan says:

      when I was in hospital for my COPD .. the hospital had home care come talk to me at hospital and sent me a contact person once had gotten home…very nice lady … and they have helped me lots … when I was struggling to do the floors sweep and mop .. homecare can always add more time if you need it for doing other things as well … they just need to know if something arises to call them so they can call your caregiver and let them know additional time will be needed for what ever you need the help with … it is good to check out .. that is what they are there for .. your doctor can have home care call you as well … for a referral ..

    • Lois Sunley Lois Sunley says:

      they did not offer for me was home over 4 years before they did a home assessment and that was only after I asked for help

    • I agree, I have had long and short hospitalizations and never had anyone talk to me.
      I think once a nurse mentioned I was lucky to have a spouse – yet my husband had a stroke same time and was not available in terms of help. So maybe this needs to be implemented more.

    • Social work only sees people who have identified that they may need it

  26. I’m so sorry. What an awful feeling. If you need someone to chat with send me a message ❤️ I’m always up for a conversation.

  27. Terri Bee Terri Bee says:

    https://www.albertahealthservices.ca/cc/Page15488.aspx
    Call for some home care help, recovery is rough and it’s ok to ask for help.

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