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What’s your secret?

I would like to ask all Married couples that have been together over 10 years, what is your secret?

What do you do to keep it alive? How do you “date” still? I need pointers.

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44 Responses

  1. Scott Gill Scott Gill says:

    I am not kidding when I say this:

    Separate bedrooms.

    Everyone, no matter how close they say they are needs their own private time. Constantly being in each other’s face Is so exhausting.

    • Randa R Muir Randa R Muir says:

      Scott Gill yes. 100% good nights rest means you can accomplish lots in you day. A good rest means you are not grumpy and bitchy… It is ruled out. Have date nights and space.!!!

  2. Hubby and I have been together 20 years, married 18. We have a life together. But we both have our own things too we don’t have to be joined at the hip 24/7. You still have to be your own person and not smother each other. Other than that communication, consideration and the little things mean a lot.

  3. 15 years here.
    1. Communication. Very important.
    2. Sense of humour. When life gets hard, it’s nice to be able to laugh.
    3. Compassion. You’ll both have times that are tough. Remember that when it’s not you.
    4. Be vulnerable with each other. Cry, get angry etc. Let the emotions out in a healthy way and then ⬆️ back up to the top.
    5. A good dose of sarcasm helps too.

  4. Married 24 very happy years-communication and appreciation are top of the list! For us personally, we promised to spend time alone together every day. When the kids were small it was maybe only 5 minutes-but we always made a point to have that time We were always a united team in front of the kids and never let them play us against each other. And, if you’re lucky enough to have someone watch the kids go away for 2/3 days a couple of times a year just the 2 of you.

  5. Amy Gibson Amy Gibson says:

    I’m not married but me and my hubby have been together for 18 years I’m 34 and he will be 35 soon. I was 16 years old when we started dating and I have to say there is several factors to staying together this long. If you have been hurt by them you talk about it and let them know. Never hide anything from each other. Give each other space let them go out and have a good time with out you. Have faith in them that they will be true to you. Don’t be looking for problems such as girls numbers and you will probably be good as they won’t look for things wrong with you. Have a date night at least 1 time a month no kids just the 2 of you and relax and enjoy each other. Laugh and have a good time and the years will go fast

  6. Husband/wife first
    Children second

    United front is important. Also, there’s a webpage that tells you all the activities going on in the city every weekend. I get good date ideas from that and try lots of new experiences!

    https://www.todocanada.ca/things-to-do-in-edmonton-this-weekend/

  7. Candace Owen Candace Owen says:

    Married 19 years, together 23, since I was 15. Keep choosing your spouse, over and over, and if you feel unhappy, change something you are doing to love your spouse. Be stubborn in a good way, like the way that you two will fight for your marriage. And, enjoy each other, every way you can, that’s the best perk of marriage. ❤

  8. Communication , teamwork , appreciation , have fun , affection

  9. Sonya Vail Sonya Vail says:

    Two people who never give up on each other

  10. When you fart and she can tell you what you ate from the smell, that’s life time love.

  11. There is no secret, in my opinion. Marriage is about 2 people who are willing to push through, to get through the good and the bad together. I have been married for 17 years and it is very easy to just walk away. Instead learning to compromise, to communicate and to remember to deal with things together is what works.
    Appreciate the other person, love and respect them for who they are. But don’t forget to expect the same back. You fell in love with who they were so nurturing that also means allowing each other trust and space to have your own interests. Do things together but also have your own hobbies and such.
    After my injury, and having finance issues, we don’t do date nights as this big expensive thing. But we do make sure to spend time together to connect (without the kids).
    Every day we usually watch a 30 min show and then talk afterwards. Kids go to bed, we don’t answer the phone and just have time together. Day gets hectic so this is our time. It is a choice to be together that you continue to make

  12. Wayne Rothe Wayne Rothe says:

    Marry a woman who will tolerate a husband‘s inadequacies, and vice versa. It’s been 40 years for us and counting.

  13. Dean Klassen Dean Klassen says:

    13 years. We never raised our voices in anger. Never blame. Work through problems calmly and with respect. Be best friends.

  14. Megan Riggs Megan Riggs says:

    Communication is key!

  15. Adam Warmuth Adam Warmuth says:

    Set aside a good amount on a couch. Then when you’re forced to sleep on it, it’s not punishment. We secretly love it. It’s like camping. Jk.

  16. Teamwork. 22 years together. We do life as a team. You can’t have a working team without communication and respect. I would never purposely do something that I know would derail our team without a serious discussion. Love is in their too of course but you can be in love and still be a shitty team.

  17. Date night out once a month
    Weekend or night away every 3 months alone
    A drink together every week of 1 hr adult time only

  18. Yes, as the lady said…don’t sweat the small stuff…and don’t WHINE!!!! 38 years together, rocky patches… definitely.
    I’m going to tell you a little story about old neighbors of my family on the farm. When she died, her eulogy was awesome…they were married 73 years…8 boys…quote “every marriage has it’s ‘ moments’, and in 73 years she thought she might have hated him for 3yrs of them”. If you are willing to act like a lady, responsible adult, sane person…you’ll be ok. Your husband must do the same… gentleman, responsible, sane…you work together, as cliche as that sounds. Have fun together…go somewhere that you both enjoy… neighbors for coffee, be mall rats, whatever, but don’t WHINE that ‘you never go anywhere fun’. We share our workload(my husband can clean an entire house like a pro), I can run the lawn mower.
    Go easy on each other. Everybody is tired after a long day. There is so much more to marriage than you. It’s trial and error, baby, trial and error.

  19. I been married for 13 years. Communication ,love,respect,there will be good times and bad times. Staying strong with each other.

  20. Cheri Lund Cheri Lund says:

    Love is a choice. An action.

    NOT an emotion.

  21. Krista Zimm Krista Zimm says:

    I mean the first step is prevention. Don’t marry someone you aren’t certain of. But once you found that person, for the every day it comes down to laughter and love. Doing things out of love, speaking words out of love, sharing appreciation for the love you receive. but for the hard days I have found the key is both parties remembering that this person is your best friend first and that the problems you face are problems you face together. Every time you think of your partner as a problem they stop being a partner. It’s about finding a way to always work together to conquer your problems. Be they financial, fertility, parental, family, etc. There is never value in blame. The only value is in doing the best to make each other happy and never giving up on finding solutions to the problems life throws at you. Not at 10 years yet but have no worries we’ll be swinging by it soon.

  22. Ycel Caya Ycel Caya says:

    Love, Respect and Communication

  23. Communication is key. Never assume anything. Talk to make sure we are still on the same page. Have lives outside of the relationship. Make sure we find time for ourselves (date nights, walks, going to the rec centre, going for a drive in the country, watching tv in our room with the door closed, etc). We love our children and spend a lot of time with them but we understand our relationship cannot just be about them. Random hugs, PDAs, surprises and other acts of affection and compliments. Showing an interest in each other and offering support as needed.

  24. My husband and I have been together 16 years and I have to say communication and respect for each other is the biggest.

  25. Brenda Marcinew Melnyk advice, I’ll take. Congrats on 44 years…what an awesome achievement of love! Many more to you!♥️

  26. We like each others company, even if we are doing different things in the same room. We have the space to be ourselves, together. We have a few common interests, but otherwise we are very different…the spice of life. Good communication (most of the time), respect, patience, good chemistry.

  27. Communication, respect, mutual appreciation. You know if you’re out and someone says hey I like your hair, outfit or wow dinner was great? It goes a long way, a few words can make or break someone’s day. Now I’m not saying everything every time, in the long run it can make changes for the good. Always kiss hello and goodbye, and never let your loved one question your love.

  28. Communication and dont keep score ever not for good things not for bad things. No secrets and show your partner you love them

  29. I believe how a couple fights often dictates the longevity of a marriage. Ugly remorse inducing fighting is the death of romance. As for excitement non stop? Nope. Ebbs and flows are what long term happy marriages are about. Sharing a common bond is like glue too. 25 yrs and going strong ❤️

  30. Saying sorry, isn’t a bad word lol. Communication, understanding. Sharing responsibilies. Above all being with the right person. U can’t change someone.

  31. COMMUNICATE!!! that is my number one. We have been together for 14 years and communication has been the key to our success. We can talk about everything with each other now. Don’t get me wrong it took time to get where we are now. And we still have more time to go working on it too.
    It’s a work in progress ALWAYS

  32. Sigrun Jones Sigrun Jones says:

    54 years. Don’t spend money you don’t have–debt causes problems. If have a response to something he says/does that I find annoying, I remember how annoying I can be and let trivial things go, but serious things need to be talked out. About any thing that seems like an important “issue”: Will it matter in a year? 5 years? At end of life? If I win this, what do I gain? what do I lose?

  33. It is difficult at times (we have been together for 18 years married for almost 11 we met in highschool) but you need to keep remembering why you got together in the first place. Remember all the feelings you had when you first saw them. Sometimes it’s as simple as sending a message of missing them to let them know if your busy day you are still thinking of them. Most important of keeping a relationship going is communication never go a day without speaking to each other. Every relationship is different but the key pieces are always the same.

  34. Pick your battles. Keep your arguments few and far between and about things that actually matter. Nothing kills the romance like sniping and whining at each other about stupid things that don’t actually matter

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