Where do I start; how do I start
My life my family life are so broken. I am destroyed from the inside. I lost myself. I lost my family my children. Its been a year of he’ll and it keeps getting worse. Kept finding messages between my spouse and other girls. Not women because women don’t do that to other women. We started falling apart that all came to a head this fall. When he got into drugs and i couldn’t stand it and what it was doing to him. Long story short i got sick of it tried to stop it fought back and was charged for defending myself. I left and xame back fast forward i got charged for a bogus assault on him sent to fscc. He and his family had all access to my children’s money that went to drugs.i was forgotten and left alone in there.
Finally i get out and he picks me up i thought things were different and would work out but it was the same or worse 5 days after being released i get kicked out middle of the night with nothing all because he met some girl who was in a bad state also. This was just 4 days before christmas. He didn’t let me take my kids but chose to drop them off with family. The whole time i was trying to find out why he did this i didn’t know about the girl at the time till i was told. He spent the week with her i ended up finding a way to get one of my kids with me for christmas. Which was the most depressing time . He had all the money and didn’t think to give me any for the kids for christmas he didn’t buy them anything. He didn’t call or msg any of us on christmas not until 28 days after to say he was in hospital. We were together well over 14 yrs and as much as he hurt me i loved him and wanted us to work.
So i started talking with him he told me that he wasn’t bothering with that girl and asked me to visit him i did twice in the cold. The whole time he was telling me he was sorry and loved us he was messaging her saying he missed her and wanted to see her. I got her number and she sent about 10 screen shots of their texts which were obviously edited. She was told he was single for the last 6 months. She ended up mad at him but was still hiding stuff. Well me and her got to talking more and i got into drugs bad that i was doing it every day for a month straight i went fron 140 to 105 pounds. I gave up i moved in with her. Pretty crazy huh to move in with the girl your spouse hurt you for.
I didn’t care about anything but then i cared to much. There is so much more that went on that would push anyone to give in and go ocer the edge i cried every day all day almost hoping to not love or want this person. Hoping to get myself back and be the person i was for my kids. Well its been 2weeks i stopped drugs on my own everyday weather i should try and move on from him is hard because with everything i am stupidly in love still.. i have nothing any more i lost everything and everyone. I feel dead like just a Emory body with no life left in me. Where do i go who can help? Can i be helped? Before this i was just a mom i stayed home everyday with my kids. I worked construction. I never drank didn’t bother these hard drugs. Would not turn against my family. I have 3 ppl left that are here for me. I don’t want to go on like this i cant .