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Which Direction Do I Go

I’m not sure what to do anymore. I share 50/50 custody of my child we have a week on week off arrangement. Well we didn’t have a great start to the relationship and fast forward to now. I go to the school to pick my child up at my designated time and place. Upon picking up my child Im told I need to go and speak to a teacher so I proceed to do so. Only to find out that my child has been abused well at the our home. After talking to this teacher I run into another teacher who than tells me that my child has gone without meals and comes to school filthy ect. I had no idea.

After I am told all of this I come home with my child, I phone the police, we have meet with CFS, and they are telling me that I still have to had her over on Monday but how can I do that when I now all of this does anyone have any suggestions they could offer me.

Thank you so much. A Parent with a Breaking Heart 💔

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57 Responses

  1. Take it back to court with proof theyll have no choice but to take away the other parents parenting time

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  2. If authorities told you that you have to hand her over, I would listen for now. Let them do their job and hope it works out quick.
    In the mean time, I would ask the school and teachers to document everything they see and hear, and hopefully that can help you in the end too.

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    • Pooja Alysha Pooja Alysha says:

      ask them to ask the child in the morning if they have a lunch and check in on them so you can bring them lunch or clean clothes and document it

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  3. Tamara Marie Tamara Marie says:

    Show up everyday when it’s not your time and drop off a lunch at lunch time or in the morning then do as every one else stated

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  4. Brad Rose Brad Rose says:

    Well you’ve taken the right first step in reporting it to the police and CFS, unfortunately it seems like you don’t have a choice in the exchange for now. If the teachers are willing to give statements on what they have told you then take that to court with your concerns on this person’s parenting time. Good luck, this is a difficult situation to be in. The more documentation and evidence you go to court with the better off it will be for you.

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  5. Sad to hear, but I am just wondering how this has gone on so long without you noticing? You have the child every second week basically, and you haven’t noticed anything?

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    • Melissa Carvery how she gonna notice missed meals? And I’m sorry but when my kids visit their dad I don’t check them for bruises etc and if my kids don’t say anything I’m not gonna know so that’s an unfair comment. And for the dirty part for all the mom knows she/he wasn’t dirty upon arrival cuz who thinks dad is abusing their kids? Again the kid doesn’t say anything you don’t think to ask because you trust their dad. And mom sees the child on her day so she doesn’t know the kid looked that way all week! Geezes

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    • Melissa Carvery no way no how is the mom at fault here. This is not on her

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    • Kate Ward Kate Ward says:

      Did I miss something? Why do you all assume that dad is the bad parent here?

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    • Kate Ward didyounot read the post

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    • Kate Ward Kate Ward says:

      Natalie A Chesser Yes. Where does it say which parent is which? I’ve read it a few times and am not seeing it. The only reference to gender seems to be in regards to the child. I’m not saying that it isn’t the father who is doing the abuse, it just seems sad to me that it was assumed that the dad was the bad one and the mom the good one.

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    • Kate Ward not saying 100% of cases it’s the father figure, but let’s be real here & face facts…stereotypes exist for a reason. Fathers sadly do not have as many parenting skills as mothers do. We have the instinct, it’s in our nature to be nurturing and proactive. Women do the majority of the work unless it is a single father with sole custody, then the tables are flipped. Men mainly spread their seed and then strut around like peacocks gloating about who won the parenting jackpot / lesser workload. It has pretty much been like this since the dawn of time.

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    • Natalie A Chesser you gotta read my comment again.. No where does it say I blamed the other parent. I literally asked how they didn’t notice anything. Huge difference. Sigh.. This is why reading and comprehension is so important. “Geezes” lol.

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    • Asking how the other parent didn’t notice is a form of blame. Here’s a question why is the other parent neglecting and abusing that child!

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    • And Yes I assumed mom wrote this post… but I comprehend just fun thanks Melissa

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    • I see you do comprehend “just fun” lol.

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    • Kate Ward Kate Ward says:

      Nikki Rushton Statistics say differently. According to the CDC stats for maltreatments (which mirrors world wide stats) in 2012, 54% of perpetrators were women and 45% of perpetrators were men. When it comes to filicide, fathers are more likely to kill, but it’s still in the 55% to 45% range. So no. We can’t just assume that it is the male who is going to be the abuser.

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    • Melissa Carvery obviously it was a typo sheesh

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    • Melissa, Attacks my phones failure to spell or “comprehend” a word lol because you know I’m right….. gotcha. You’re one of those lol I can admit when I’m wrong ….. like assuming mom wrote it. Why can’t you admit being wrong for blaming the parent who’s not doing the abuse

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    • Kate Ward 2012?!? Aren’t those stats a bit aged? Lol. Regardless, I still call bullshit.

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    • Natalie A Chesser still haven’t seen anywhere in my comment where I blamed the other parent, lol. Just asked a question – how did they not notice? Very simple, easy question. Good on you for being on top of your assumptions/judgements today! Gold star for you!

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    • Wow! Saying in any sentence “how has it gone on for so long without you noticing” etc…… is putting blame.

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    • Natalie A Chesser ok you gotta just give up. LMAO

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  6. Have you asked the teachers who reported this to you to inform CFS?

    The other comments here have good advice as well.

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  7. Alexii John Alexii John says:

    I’m going through something similar

    Return to court with letters of support from the school detailing the state of the child on the weeks he has him/her

    And clarify with the courts that you would rather lessen the visitation so you can be sure the child is getting the needed care

    I’ve had to do this twice now

    We’re going back again too

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  8. You have to bring your kid there you are ordered by the courts and police if you don’t follow their laws then you will get in trouble

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  9. And ask the teachers to write witness statements

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  10. You can get an emergency protection order with a justice of the peace. But please make sure you only do this if you feel your child is in eminent danger with the other parent

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  11. LJ Wocky LJ Wocky says:

    Cooperate with cfs 100% and don’t try to throw the other parent under the bus necessarily. Get a copy of the cfs file via a FOIP request . But go back to family court and ask for an amendment to the custody order and enter the cfs file as a piece of evidence supporting to have the child with you more of the time.

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  12. You’re going to have to hand them over until the investigation is complete which is ridiculous. They like to tout the child comes first, but this is not the reality. I would speak to a lawyer to see what they can do to help.

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  13. Clairify the abuse. Is the sexual abuse? Is your child in danger or just not impeccably clean and misses lunches?

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  14. Try for an emergency custody order

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  15. Also, document everything.

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  16. Cfs and the police do fuck all. I know this from experience. Document everything and get a good lawyer and take the ex to court. I’m sorry this is happening to your child. And I wish you luck

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  17. Is your order police enforceable? If not, do what is best for your child and get to court asap

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  18. Are the specifics of the schedule spelled out? I ask because I had a situation where I was denied access by the other parent. We had a 50/50 arrangement but because it didn’t specify dates and times there was nothing that the police could do. So if no specification on the order I wouldn’t send the child back. Did the police or CPS say she had to go?

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  19. Julian Evans Julian Evans says:

    If you feel for the child’s safety and there is no “police enforcement clause” in the current court order then I would keep the child with you. Make an application to the court to “amend the current order” ASAP. Present your case to the judge. Subpoena the teachers as witnesses to atremd the court hearing, you may need to have tje subpoena to be in the form of a court order also, and signed bu a judge, as teascjers may come under the realm of “professionals” that require a judge to approve they attend court. Good luck!

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  20. This one of those situations damned if you do(legally) damned if you don’t (child’s well being) this sucks! Omg …. you’ve contacted cps if anything happens it’s on them ….. sad your child has to suffer. Visitation should be stopped ASAP! What is wrong with cps? Grrrrr

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  21. First thing Monday morning go to your lawyer and apply for an emergency variance.. breach the court order.. have evidence ready!!

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    • Further to my previous comment.. tell the unfit parent that they are more than welcome to visit under supervision.. this will show you have the children’s best interest at heart and you aren’t just being vindictive

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    • Connie Kraeker in fact you don’t need a lawyer. You just ask the school to give in writing what they informed you of and you go to the court house and ask for an emergency order while you have that you request for a custody change agreement.

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    • Andrea McLellan well that makes things even easier

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  22. Get all the evidence you can, call Lorie at the brownlee building 780-427-8431(Free legal help but $50 fee for court papers) If Lorie can’t help someone there will be able too. They will show up to court with you up until trial, than you are on your own or have to find a lawyer!
    I’ve had luck with Merchant Law Group in Kingsway Mall 780-474-7777.
    Good luck!

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  23. The school has a duty to report if they believe a child is at risk. Seems strange that they were aware of abuse & did not report. That is against the law

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  24. Jack Shultz Jack Shultz says:

    Trevor Doering any thoughts on this sir

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    • I would start taking notes and secretly record the interactions between teachers and child welfare people. The recordings can be used in court as long as the person recording is part of the conversation. CCC section 183.1

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  25. Until you have a court order stating otherwise, you need to follow whatever order is currently in place. If it’s as bad as you say, I think there’s some type of emergency parenting order you can apply for.

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