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In the world that almost all are judgemental 😔

So it was me who shared my sentiments and worries about my step- daughter that was posted earlier. Well, I agree I might not be the best step mom to her. Last summer i was just given birth to my 2nd child when she came, my husband lost almost hAlf of his income due to oil industries situation. So stress was so evident even before she came.

Frankly speaking, yes it was hard to deal with her , one moment she was happy and the rest u imagine! One of you said that i was upset he was giving her more money behind my back! Of course i was upset ! bcoz we work like a dog just to earn money so we can pay all the bills while her mother was sitting there waiting for us to send money so that she can buy her alcohol and drugs!she was not even working she just relied on the child support. She didnt use the money that was intended for her child! We ask her several times that her child has to stay with us but she refused.You guys said i was hard on her a wicked step-mom, maybe ur right! But do u even know the real story? I brought her shopping (everything) but she was complaining that i am suggesting the on sale or clearance stuff where i myself who has a job opted to shop at value village but i didnt say that to her.I bought her an iphone bcoz she was playing pokemon and complaining that it was so embarassing to take her ipad while catching pokemon and i even went with her pretending that i liked that game just to please her.

Hook her up with my friends kids her age so she wont feel lonely but she will just sit on the corner.Yes she didnt care helping out she will just pass by going to the washroom ignoring her 2 siblings crying while I was busy cooking for our supper. I didnt ask her to do the chores, all i want is a little help when i was cooking supper before her dad comes home. I asked her nicely but what i got was a cold shoulder and slamming of the door and when she hears her dad is coming she will come out from her room pretending to be playing with her siblings. If you say we’re complete strangers to her, i dont think so bcoz she’s with us every summer and christmas.

I encouraged her everyday all day to get out her room but she was on her ipad the whole time. Everytime i called her if she wants to watch movies with us on tv or go with us to tue park she said no.The main reason why she was here for summer was for a vacation but her dad insisted that she has to stay with us. She asked her dad that if shes going to stay with us will dad still b sending money to her mom and he said no bcoz she’s with us now. That was the time she changed her mind. When she asked to go to her aunt my SO already knew that she planned everything that she will be ended up going home to her mom And he was right! but he was so tired dealing with all the stress so he gave up.

You guys said that i dont care for her? U have no idea! Be on my shoe before you judge me! I knew by the time i typed that first post that ill get negative comments but i was only asking what to do since emailing and calling newfoundland wasnt a success. We know where she is, her other aunt texted my SO but he was hurt and i have been urging him to send money before it’s too late yet according to him if he can’t do anything about it he will just leave it.

STORY CONTINUES BELOW

Anyways, thank you for all of your comments… I will b intouched with the maintenance enforcement tomorrow even if it’s against my SO’s will.

God bless!

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45 Responses

  1. Leen Shostak Leen Shostak says:

    You tried. That’s all you can do. It’s sad. Someone had mentioned in the comments yesterday to keep setting aside the money for her. I think that’s your best bet.
    I also think that even if she isn’t here still try to have a relationship with her.
    It’ll get better. She’s a teen. She hates all parents. Step or bio.

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  2. Jenna Bain Jenna Bain says:

    Its not easy being a step parent or a parent to a kid who lives so far away. I think youre great! You obviously want to do the right thing and I commend you for that. I hope you find her and hope someone responsible will use the money to help that girl. Best of luck and give yourself a pat on the back.

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  3. Stop airing your dirty laundry if you don’t want people to respond.

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    • Sometimes you need help. SOMETIMES people are helpful and not nasty. I know! Isn’t it amazing!!!

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    • SOMETIMES when the general consensus is that you’ve dropped the ball and that you need to take ownership of your own actions, the people are right. I know! It is totally amazing.

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    • Sometimes you get *part* of the story. The person writing the story (I know as I’ve done it) forgets they know the whole story and writes as if the reader knows the entire story. SOMETIMES people ask for help and get bashed. We all drop the ball. We sure act like we don’t. Totally amazing!!!

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    • Or sometimes they make up stuff to look better and this is just her view of the story. We don’t even know if any of it is even true

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    • I’m not going to feel bad for forming an opinion based on information provided. If the OP left out pertinent details, that’s on them.

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    • She was probably expecting to hear what she wanted to hear, however she failed to understand that’s not how it works. The truth is not what she was hoping for.

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    • People can tell the truth in a diplomatic way. Now a days people are so nasty and say “oh well, YOU put it out there, so too bad”. We seem to have lost civility.

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  4. Sharon Swan Sharon Swan says:

    That is the thing posting stuff on this site when you are looking for advice. .. not all the story is given and you are the bad guy …. what I don’t understand is why the dad has not made application with the courts to have his daughter full custody .. obviously he can provide .. feed … cloth … love … discipline. ..educate… and anything else this child needs in her life without the drugs and alcohol … not wanting to go back to her mom’s but to her aunts is a big red flag something is not right with the mom and her boyfriend

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    • Sharon Swan Sharon Swan says:

      Good luck to you in this

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    • Ageed! And a call to CFS should occur.

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    • First of all, he would have to go to court where she resides! Have you tried taking someone to court provinces away let alone across the country??

      Also, she’s 16! If he did go through the process, the daughter could make the choice of where she wanted to go!! And lastly even if the courts said for her to live with him…..if she left and went back home, there isn’t anything he can do with her being 16! Have you tried to call the cops for a 16 year old run away!! They don’t do much unless they are a danger to themselves. At 16 they can quite school and as a parent, you can’t do anything about it!

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  5. Why doesn’t your husband go for full time custody than if he doesn’t want to pay for her mom’s drug problem.
    My dad got custody of me and my sister and this was in the 90’s.
    What got to me from your last statement he stopped making in payments in Jan you said to continue because you felt guilty but most of all you didn’t want him to get in trouble.
    It’s not about your husband it’s what’s best for this 14 year old.
    Right now doesn’t seem like it.

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  6. She didn’t need new friends or time out to play she needed help from a doctor and needed to be left to deal with the change not thrown into a new life. When someone is depressed you can’t just push them into new friends shopping and everything like they have had a normal life. In fact some of the stuff sounds made up.
    She needed to be left alone to heal
    You have to remember that even though the mom was a drug abuser that woman in her eyes is still her mom someone who raised her all her life while your husband opt out of taking care of her. That’s the only mom she’s ever known and she loves and cares for her because of this and so she would worry about her mom and sister if they were no longer getting money

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    • Why did she need help from a doctor?? Holy shit all you people with these comments. …..do u even have teenaged kids?? How do you know she’s depressed?? Just because she didn’t want to be at her dad’s? If this is your deduction…..every kid is depressed and needs a doctor!!! And the dad opted out from taking care of her??? Are you for real??? You have a dad that willingly pays child support, has his child 2 major times out of the year considering they live almost a country apart. He wanted her to live at his house…..she played the “I’m not happy” role and wanted to live elsewhere. And he STILL paid the aunt!!

      Here’s a bit of a clue for u!! When you have a child, you do what’s best for them even if it’s not what you want or what others want you to do. I had a difficult teen and tried to do what was best for her. She wanted to go to her dad’s, I sucked it up and let her move. It didn’t work but she still didn’t want to come home so she asked to go to her aunts…..we were willing to give it a go, so we let her!! She eventually came back home but sometimes you make choices for your child that others don’t understand but not everyone knows the whole picture.

      So quite judging someone when you have no idea of the entire situation.

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    • She didn’t want to move to her dad’s. Her mom was sent to rehab and she was sent to her dad’s by social services

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  7. Mj Mank Mj Mank says:

    Like I said in my first comment. Some 14 yr olds are your worst nightmare. I think you did good and that you sound like you certainly it your best. I believe she had many issues that are not yours to figure out. Good on you mum

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  8. If everything you said was true. I think she would have a hard time trusting others after all that don’t you?. Well I get you feel that way did you try seeing it from her point of view. I’m not saying you were bad or anything even as a parent I often make many mistakes but I also try to understand what they go through. So when you write this it sounds like you are defending yourself but when I read it I can only see how hard it was for her.

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  9. Mara Cakes Mara Cakes says:

    You can’t unload your story on social media and then dictate how you want everyone to reply….just saying

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  10. Ashley Cragg Ashley Cragg says:

    Sounds like maybe she was in need of some counselling. She didn’t have an easy life. She was being shuffled around. If her mom was an addict she probably was not used to structure or discipline. I think the negative reaction to your post was how you seemed to be placing fault in the child instead of with the adults in her life.

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  11. Opinions are like assh**es everyone hàs one, nobody will ever just take the story and give advice, its always gonna be picked àt and torn apart specifically for negativity àñd anything to make them feel good about themselves, every situation is different and no matter what your doing what you can. Those who say if you dont want to hear it don’t post it, get lost, if you dont have anything nice to say…..etc. Good luck girl, and I wish you the best

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  12. I hope it all works out for you

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  13. Lara Cronin Lara Cronin says:

    Regardless of the situation you are a adult act like one or don’t take on adult responsibilities and if you are having issues with those responsibilities then there is plenty of help out there that can help you cope in a way that is not damaging a child regardless of the situation.

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    • How is she not acting like an adult??? She is trying to get her husband to pay the support!! She’s trying to figure out the situation! She took her step child into her home and tried everything to make her feel welcome and at home!! Wtf….how is that not being an adult!! Pull your head out of your ass!

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    • Lara Cronin Lara Cronin says:

      Loreli Hornby

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  14. Lara Cronin Lara Cronin says:

    Have you ever heard of the term covert narcissism? You might want to look it up and ask yourself if your are displaying some of these toxic behaviours and how to change them.

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  15. Lara Cronin Lara Cronin says:

    There is help you just have to actually want it

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  16. Jenn Brouwer Jenn Brouwer says:

    *because (yep i am that judgemental, lead by example)

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  17. That’s the whole problem with posting on this site. Period. Never seen such a bunch of judgemental, know it all a-holes. I would never never ever ask for anyone’s advice on this page

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  18. Something tells me you’re tougher to deal with then she ever could be.

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  19. You can defend and try make yourself look like the victim but your still at fault. Shame on you for trying to explain yourself and make it look like the teenage girls caused everything. I couldn’t even finish reading this because you’ve said enough during your first post.

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    • Do you have a teen??? Better yet, do you have a teen that you’re a step parent to that has lived with the other parent all her life and then has to live with u out of circumstance???

      Didn’t think so…..so how about you zip it!! Shame on you for judging someone in a situation you know nothing about!! And shame on you for trying to shame her!! Lord knows none of us are perfect but if you want to know difficult, try being a step parent to a teenager!!

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    • Lmao oh shaddup and go to bed

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  20. Why are you commenting on here then if you think ppl should put their life issues on FB!! And by the look of your posts…..you enjoy spreading other people’s life issues on your FB page!

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  21. Alicia Toore Alicia Toore says:

    Loreli Hornby thanks for checking out my page! Loser.

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  22. Alicia Toore Alicia Toore says:

    Fyi I don’t like women who treat their children like crap. Ranting about how horrible they are on facebook counts as that.

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  23. wow, the comments, I am sorry there are so many like that. My understanding is that this child is likely torn by the situation and that at the end of the day her mom has probably put an awful lot of emphasis on how dependent she is on the child support. This is not something a child should have to worry about. This actually makes mom wrong. When a child does this a child’s being abused by a person.
    The fact that the child would pretend to be playing with her siblings when dad came in would suggest that she has learned to manipulate a situation to put the best spin on things from someone.
    I will say that there will be little or nothing that maintenance enforcement can do other than reassess based on the lower income.
    The worst part is that at the end of the day there are issues that nobody is dealing with going on because of the dynamics with a large geographical distance going on. That child needs help.

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  24. As a child who was once shuffled between parents because I was rotten, and I mean rotten. Try to understand addictions, and what it can do to people. For this young girl having to witness her mother, someone she’s known her whole life, struggle with that, I’m sure it’s not easy. Then being torn from all she’s known to someplace she spends a couple times a year… it can really damage that sense of stability. And at the teenage years it just makes it that much more difficult. I would have gotten her counselling, someone who isn’t a parental figure in her life that she can trust to talk to… as someone previously stated, set the maintenance payments aside for now so when you find a way to pay, it’s all there. Regardless of how often she spends with you guys, it sounds like she’s still only really known her mother… you really need to give that time. Instead of pushing her and getting her to come to you, just let her do it on her own. Nurture her. Make her feel safe and secure.

    Best of luck to you and yours and I hope everything works out. And for the sake of the children I truly hope that mother gets help for her addictions and becomes clean. It’s not easy living with someone who has addictions.

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